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Am I Too Demanding?

By NaseebSupport
 
 

About User: Male - 29 - Nevada

Question:

I have been married for six months and I did not know my wife long before that. We met through mutual arrangement by our families and agreed to get married after talking to her for only 2 months. And before all you guys and gals start hammering me, I want to clarify that the intention of sending this question is not to criticize my wife or complain. I just want some helpful suggestion which can make me deal with the problem. The thing is that after being married for some time I have realized that my wife is very immature and starts throwing tantrums whenever she wants to get things done her way. And the more I try to be reasonable with her the more edgy she gets. She is 5 years younger than I am and wants be to act her age which quite frankly is not my style. She likes to hang out with friends every day of the week, while I am more inclined towards staying at home and watching TV. Any advice on how to find the middle ground so that we can be together without being a nuisance for the other one. If you guys thing that I am being unreasonable, feel free to say so. I am not a person to take a marriage lightly and am willing to do what it takes to make our marriage work.

 
   Comments: 18     Raters: 2     November 24, 2010 at 1:30am         
 

3

 
 
The opinions expressed in this journal are of the author and not necessarily of Naseeb.

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  Comments on this journal

jhanghir (November 26, 2010 at 5:03pm)
at Flavour.. you are the man! You are definitely going places..Read and Learn..
JK
 
sipa (November 24, 2010 at 11:37pm)
OK, you're 29 and she's 25. You didn't have the time to develop a relationship before marriage, so this really is the time to do that, understand what you have in common and compromise on the differences. Hanging out with friends every night is not appropriate, but hanging out once or twice a week is a compromise and even if its not your style, spend the time with her hanging out and grow into being a couple. You may be married but it doesn't sound like you're a couple that does things together and unless you do that (even things you don't want to do), you will not develop those essential bonds to make a happy long-lasting marriage.

Good luck to you both.
 
texasnoiz (November 24, 2010 at 4:14pm)
Hey JK, youre all over the place.........you're layin' pipe and preachin Islamic protocol......hahahaha!!!! Play on playa!!
 
nadia_ (November 24, 2010 at 3:28pm)
I'll bet none of the people including me know your situation as well as you do. We can all go on with our big words of advice and wisdom but the truth is, YOU are the only person who can decide what needs to be done. I agree with Belleeza, what;s the point of posting this here?
You have the option of loosening up and joining the 'partay' or you can speak to her about your issues and try to spend more time with her, just the two of you.
I feel there's only so much you can do...and you cant entirely change a person. There has to be a two way compromise. The question is, are you willing to stick it out no matter what? Or are you looking for excuses to find an out? Do you REALLY believe in the sanctity and institution of marriage? If you do, you would know what to do. As far as I'm concerned, this isn't as huge a wrinkle to not be ironed out. Like a lot of people have already stated, communication is the key. Be gentle with your words. Good luck !
 
ButterFingers (November 24, 2010 at 1:00pm)
hmm apparently water is already over your head.. and would require extreme measures to rescue your faltering relationship.. Women LOVE surprises so for the next one week you need to prove to her that you were the BIGGEST mistake of her life.. strap yourself in leather for a week, something like this > www.flickr.com

As soon as she realizes your true self not being what you have portrayed all along.. she will want to 'fix you'.. and bam !! :P

So get shopping !!
 
fat_cat (November 24, 2010 at 12:20pm)
You guys deserve to be single and wifeless *points finger and laughs*
 
ButterFingers (November 24, 2010 at 12:09pm)
add whipping, cuffing n spanking to that list..
 
jhanghir (November 24, 2010 at 11:23am)
REspect my Arse.. She doesn't have any respect right now.. Sounds like he needs to have an intervention with her.. If he's too afraid to confront her and is on "naseeb" looking for advice.. it's already too late.. A leopard doesnt' change its spots.. Grab the bull by the horns and hold on.. If she get's away, you didn't lose anything you had already.. JK
 
ButterFingers (November 24, 2010 at 11:16am)
Great advices given ! :) again, pay attention to the 3rd comment from the bottom.. lead the show, take her out and sometimes away from her prior comfort zones (old friends/buddies etc) she had developed before the marriage.. create new comfort zones that include just the two of you.. as soon as you abuse your authority she'll lose your respect.. surely take a stand and be firm on what is right..
 
jhanghir (November 24, 2010 at 11:16am)
Male-29 You have taken the role of the "woman" and looks like she is taking full advantage of your meekness. Is she partying it up with her single girlfriends, other men, or married decent friends.. If it's the first two.. you are finished my friend.. Sounds like she was kept under tight supervision while she was married and has never been out. Once she got married to you, you haven't stepped up and she is fully taking advantage of her new found freedom. Her temper tantrums are a red flag of her immaturity. A mature sensible person would not behave this way. You acting like an uncle isn't helping either. Now her going out every day and not staying at home is a clear indication that she doesn't want to be with you. Are you two even intimate? Islamic protocol calls for a physical relationship with the spouse twice a week and not during her time of month (this is hadith). If a woman does not have relations with a husband for three months due to physical, medical or emotional impotence she can even demand divorce (khulah) on Islamic grounds.. .Lay the pipe! She'll stay home. BE A MAN-JK
 
texasnoiz (November 24, 2010 at 10:27am)
hahaha!!!@ sm5999 & Jawan....hahahah!!!! kya jawaani kee baath kee aap nay!!!!
whats age groups are we talking? you cant lock her up - gotta compromise but be a man!
 
force_of_nature (November 24, 2010 at 8:26am)
rofl @ JAWAN
 
PakistaniJawan (November 24, 2010 at 8:19am)
Get Rid of her, she will stay same...
 
force_of_nature (November 24, 2010 at 8:14am)
communication in any relationship is paramount.

Speak to her about what you've just said above and take it from there.

how old is she?
 
sm5999 (November 24, 2010 at 7:28am)
Immature = a word, boring people use to describe fun people :).
 
Islamabadi1 (November 24, 2010 at 6:38am)
WHo the hell are u ?
 
fat_cat (November 24, 2010 at 6:06am)
Spend more time with her. Grow up together.
 
mola_da_bunda (November 24, 2010 at 2:08am)
Dear stranger, of this I am sure, as sure as I am of the oxygen that I am taking into my lungs that none of us on here ( myself included ) can ever be in any position to advise you about your personal life, specially your married life.
That being said, you have only been married six months. You did state yourself that you two did not know each other before marriage. Marriage is not the imposition of one's will on the other. It's a compromise. What you call "immature" have you thought of it only that way or have you actually talked with your life partner and discussed the matter with her?
You go on to say that " the more I try to be reasonable........ " have you thought for an instance that maybe it is actually you that is not being " reasonable " as you so eloquently put it. Remember, she made a bigger sacrifice in marrying you than you did. Every girl, be white, brown or black, has a dream of how and who she is to marry. Have you for a second thought that maybe, just maybe, her sacrifice far out weighs yours. As I stated earlier, marriage is a compromise. It's an art. You either know it and master your wife's wishes and desires or you sit and comment on stupid posts and reminiscent "just a dream".....
Dude, what did you think, she is full of life, excited and happy. Learn a thing or two before you start saying that she is " very immature ".......
You are only 29, quit acting like a terminally ill patient and go out with her and enjoy life instead of sitting at home. As I said, I learnt my lesson the hard way, now its too late, give compromise a chance and see what happens. You have been trying reason, no harm in trying compromise for a change......