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Break it Off?

By NaseebSupport
 
 

About User: 27, MALE, South Carolina

Question:

I have been engaged to a cousin of mine for the last 5 years as the engagement was arranged by our parents. At that time I was OK with the decision and did not object. However my cousin lives in Pakistan and I haven't met her since the last 2 yrs. Last year I met someone who shares the same interests as me and is highly compatible with me. Lately I have been thinking of proposing to her and calling my previous engagement off but I am not sure if she would say yes. On the other hand, I'm pretty sure my parents will never speak to me again if I break it off with my cousin. I am confused as to what should be done since my marriage is scheduled for this June, for which we have to go to Pakistan. I have serious doubts that my cousin will be able to adjust here. I'll be honest and tell you guys that I do not love any of the women as yet, but the woman I met a year ago is very special to me and I am sure I ll be happier with her. But how to break the news to my parents and what to say to my fiancé? Any suggestions?

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   Comments: 10     Raters: 0     January 6, 2011 at 12:05am         
 

Not Rated

 
 
The opinions expressed in this journal are of the author and not necessarily of Naseeb.

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  Comments on this journal

G0T50NIT (January 6, 2011 at 10:29pm)
but haram is haram. in fact marrying outside your family is haram, cuz you know just to be on the safe side cuz love is haram, looking at any female is haram so the only woman you can gaze and look at is your cousin so you should marry the cousin so you wont be in haram. yay!
 
Crystaline (January 6, 2011 at 10:01pm)
I agree..no bashing needed. But the fair advice seems to be here in abundance...if thsi is truly a real issue or perhaps a new marketing gimick to get people to discuss issues and create drama for naseebs popularity and divert from the "facebookization" of naseeb. :P
 
Crystaline (January 6, 2011 at 9:31pm)
Exactly Zirc... to my point below...asking him if he isnt guilty of leading her on until now although he hasnt met her in 2 years but has met her for the first 3?
 
G0T50NIT (January 6, 2011 at 8:34pm)
but dating is haram. so is love and falling in love is haram. i cant prove it, but let's just be safe about that if you are a 'real muslim'. so be like a saudi, be tribalistic and marry your cousin instead, cuz hey thats only girl you are actually allowed to gaze upon, everyone else you must lower your gaze otherwise thats HARAM!
 
sipa (January 6, 2011 at 7:38pm)
Clearly you don't believe that you have a future with your fiancee whom you have not seen or contacted for 2 years. If you marry her you will be miserable and make her miserable. You will then either lead miserable lives or you will get divorced. Don't put yourself or your fiancee through that as divorce is always much harder on women. Commitments are important but people change and sometimes its better for both parties to not go through with that commitment. It will be hard on your fiancee make no mistake, but not as hard as having to go through a divorce.

What the girl in the US (Miss A) says is of no real relevance to your decision

Good luck.
 
Samuraii (January 6, 2011 at 6:29pm)
Naseeb needs to give us an optionn if we want to read/asnwer this stuff
 
G0T50NIT (January 6, 2011 at 6:20pm)
another fake q
 
ziryab (January 6, 2011 at 11:54am)
this dude looking for help here on Naseeb ?......I pity him !
 
Samuraii (January 6, 2011 at 1:23am)
Where is that damn "stop" thingy so i can stop this crap from support?
 
Crystaline (January 6, 2011 at 12:27am)
An honorable man will honor his word and commitment. Firstly, if you said OK then why did you spend more time getting to know another woman rather than your fiance? You should have spent your time and efforts to know your fiance first. 5 years since you were engaged, and 2 years since you met her. Havent you met her for the first 3? Have you been leading her on in this relationship as a fiance thus long? And now you have a change of heart? Marriage is a very serious matter, you cant say a casual OK and choose to change your mind six months ahead of the event. It is very poor in character to say the least.

Now you arent in love with either of them. And you are nto sure the other person will say yes to your proposal either. But it is just your assumption that should they say yes, it may be good for you.

Life is beautiful when you can sleep a night without guilt. It is beautiful when you live life righteously with morals and strong principles. This is your fiance had to do the same thing to you? What will your state of mind and emotional condition be? Know that it will be at least 10 times worse for her in Pakistan to cope with this refusal. Do good and the right thing and you shall reap the same. Hurt and let down your honor or go back on your commitments, you shall receive the same eventually in life.

Think of what is the right thing to do? And make the choice. And once you do make a choice, be man enough to stand by it regardless of what happens.

Az Hazaaran Kaaba e- ek dil behetaraz
Kabaa guzargaha khaleel e akbaraz
Dil guzargaha jaleel e aakbaraz

Meaning:

A heart is better than a 1000 kabaas
Kabaa is a house built for God by the greatest prophet
Heart is the house build for God by the greated God himself