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Why people run away from marriageBy loveydovey786
This is a huge yet disappointing fact about marriage, that after marriage the passionate aspects about marriage become just nothing but a chore. The girl or lady that yesterday learned to cook for her future hubby , once married she considers it a chore, and the man who was passionate about impressing the lady with a bunch a flowers , later brings these flowers just for the sake of just continuing with how he started off , just to prevent his wife from saying your not the same man I married , or you have changed ... even to avoid his wife from thinking , that he has an affair with someone else......I could still remember how things were in my side, before marriage, I recollect how I just struggled to find a righteous partner. I used to ask myself just why aren't people serious about marriage ? The fact of the matter is marriage takes away the actual fun of things ...marriage is passionate to the part where your in communication with someone , and just until the first few days of marriage, honey moon over , passionate aspect of marriage too is over. If you have already had a honey moon, with someone before marriage then I guess your passionate side of getting married is just a day before your nikah.
However things could seem better or the passion could continue if they're are no side pumps , which I call in laws..... The in laws work like a bone in burger, nobody ever even gives or spares an hour in the tv lounge for the couple to spend, where there is nobody else present , most of the time the couple stay in their room only to maintain their privacy. This is the basic and supposed to be tolerable , when in fact perhaps not that tolerable either as one is just room bound, as I am not the sort of person who likes much racket in the lounge area.
However if in the room bound situation , the in laws are of foal nature ... You come across a sister in law or mother in law jealous of you or your presence, the marriage then starts to be a burden.
Later these situations just takes away the spirit , or just is the beginning of the spirt fade out. People are aware of these basic yet common things that just take away the excitement of being in a live in relationship. No wonder why people just don't want to marry , not that they don't want to settle, but rather they know of this fading out situation which doesn't happen in short lived relationships , or happen due to a traditional relationship caused by just society or religious needs.
People don't want to waste or consume their one and only life in these traditions. ,but rather make the most if their youth, living their passions to the fullest , and not compromise in sacrificing their needs for traditions...
Which is why marriage isn't people cup of tea.
Comments on this journal
Yes unfortunately in some cases the mothers are not willing to surrender their rights over to the Bahu ,they see them as intruders .But this normally happens in a family where the sole bread earner of the family happens to be the unfortunate girls husband.Besides joint families have a lot of issues for the bahu"s to bear.I think education is the most needed thing in any society and thats why we also need it as a society.
We paki"s give too much importance to marriage ,specially if it has failed.We get stuck as if its the end of the world or if there will always be darkness after it.There is no need to live in the past and dwell in the worst things that happened to us,life must move on because tomorrow can be a better day.
Good people always have to suffer more than the ordinary one"s and the reason is heightened sensibility and sensitivity .Truthful people are always very gullible because they trust anything they are told,they are credulous because they dont lie themselves.
A marriage without love is like a funeral without mourners ,better be single than to be in a trust less marriage.but when the right person arrives at the right moment just give in.
And yes women are very tolerant ... And I am an above average tolerant woman... Only people who are tolerating, know how much they have tolerated ... It's a matter of the person in the grave , knows how grave the situation is... Even the husband doesn't have idea of this, the person experiencing feels differently.
Honestly people born and raised in Pakistan are very different from people in the west....your a westerner and so am I ... Women don't treat marriage like math, they use different methods to a solution , I am not a modern minded woman, with quick conclusions, and no patience ... Intelligent people are patient people , my patience and intelligence have the same sort of weight..
I am writing this from deep experience , marriage isn't a lasting passion, because humans are becoming of evil nature. In Pakistan people are just greedy in most cases, we westerns are just more human , and it's a fact that much more humanity in westerners ... We think just so differently. Honestly if the in laws see the daughter in law like a human even , that would be joyful enough.
The first thing for a man or a woman is to earn respect of his spouse.Gradually things smooth out in most of the marriges but it takes a little bit of patience.Some people take marriage as a war between the man and the woman ,its basically the art of making friends,in-laws should never be considered as an encumberence either by the guy or the wife,we must show them the utmost repect.
Marriages basically are made in heaven and are made to flourish or perish.