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30 Lines to Make You Smile


1.. My husband and I divorced over religious differences. He thought he was God and I didn't.

2.. I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.

3.. I Work Hard Because Millions On Welfare Depend on Me!

4.. Some people are alive only because it's illegal to kill them.

5.. I used to have a handle on life, but it broke.

6.. Don't take life too seriously; no one gets out alive.

7.. You're just jealous because the voices only talk to me.

8.. Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder.

9.. Earth is the insane asylum for the universe.

10.. I'm not a complete idiot -- Some parts are missing.

11.. Out of my mind. Back in five minutes.

12. NyQuil, the stuffy, sneezy, why-the-heck-is-the-room-spinning medicine.

13.. God must love stupid people; He made so many.

14.. The gene pool could use a little chlorine.

15.. Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.

16.. Ever stop to think, and forget to start again?

17.. Being "over the hill" is much better than being under it!

18.. Wrinkled Was Not One of the Things I Wanted to Be When I Grew up.

19.. Procrastinate Now!

20.. I Have a Degree in Liberal Arts; Do You Want Fries With That?

21.. A hangover is the wrath of grapes.

22.. A journey of a thousand miles begins with a cash advance

23.. Stupidity is not a handicap. Park elsewhere!

24..They call it PMS because MadCow Disease was already taken.

25..He who dies with the most toys is nonetheless dead.

26..A picture is worth a thousand words, but it uses up three thousand times the memory.

27..Ham and eggs. A day's work for a chicken, a lifetime commitment for a pig.

28.. The trouble with life is there's no background music.

29.. The original point and click interface was a Smith and Wesson.

30.. I smile because I don't know what the hell is going on.




Author Unknown




Can you think of anymore?
 

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Login to find out (March 26, 2006 at 10:48am)
redhead: do you mind if I post these on the Soulmates Village?
 
Login to find out (March 26, 2006 at 10:47am)
ROFL! Good ones Redhead and Labs! P:
 
Login to find out (March 24, 2006 at 10:00am)
also

a- If you had to identify, in one word, the reason why the human race has not achieved - and never will achieve - its full potential, that word would be ... "meeti ngs."

b - You should never say anything to a woman that even remotely suggests you think she's pregnant ... unless you can see an actual baby emerging from her at that moment.

c - There are only 10 kinds of people in the world ... those who understand binary and those that don't.

d - The Serenity (sorry Senility) Prayer
God grant me the senility
to forget the people I never liked,
the good fortune to run into the ones I do,
and the eyesight to tell the difference.

e - Optimist sees only the bagel.
Pessimist sees only the hole.
Pragmatist just eats the bagel.
 
Login to find out (March 24, 2006 at 9:52am)
lol nice pun: Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder + 14, 15, 16, 17, 19, 21, 22, 29 & 30...