Cigarette : A pinch of tobacco rolled in paper with
fire at one end & a fool on the other.

Divorce : Future tense of marriage.

Lecture : An art of transferring information from the
notes of the Lecturer to the notes of the students
without passing through "the minds of either"

Conference : The confusion of one man multiplied by
the number present.

Compromise : The art of dividing a cake in such a way
that everybody believes he got the biggest piece.

Tears : The hydraulic force by which masculine
will-power is defeated by feminine water power...

Dictionary : A place where divorce comes before
marriage.

Classic : A book which people praise, but do not read.

Smile : A curve that can set a lot of things
straight.

Office : A place where you can relax after your
strenuous home life.

Yawn : The only time some married men ever get to
open their mouth.

Etc. : A sign to make others believe that you know
more than you actually do.

Committee : Individuals who can do nothing
individually and sit to decide that nothing can be
done together.

Experience : The name men give to their mistakes.

Atom Bomb : An invention to end all inventions.

Philosopher : A fool who torments himself during
life, to be spoken of when dead.

Diplomat : A person who tells you to go to hell in
such a way that you actually look forward to the trip.

Opportunist : A person who starts taking bath if he
accidentally falls into a river

Optimist : A person who while falling from Eiffel
tower says in midway "See I am not injured yet."

Pessimist : A person who says that O is the last
letter in RO, Instead of the first letter in word
OPPORTUNITY.

Miser : A person who lives poor so that he can die
rich.

Father : A banker provided by nature.

Criminal :- A guy no different from the rest... except
that he got caught.

Boss : Someone who is early when you are late and
late when you are early.

Politician : One who shakes your hand before
elections and your Confidence after.

Doctor : A person who kills your ills by pills, and
kills you with his bills.