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Agony Uncle & Aunty Zone
Calling all agony aunties/ uncles
My pakistani-uk friend has a dilemma -
she hasn't dated before (except 1 guy she saw from work briefly) and has met a malaysian guy (muslim) online and met up with him 4 times
she has been looking to settle down for ages, in the past she's had issues getting guys to accept the sect she's from... all the guys she spoke to were sunni and were put off by this at some point..
this guy likes her - he told her this week he would marry her today if he thought she felt the same.. she feels a bit overwhelmed - has been getting 6 phone calls a day from him + seeing him once a week (they live 45 mins apart and can only do this at weekends).
my friend told the guy to calm down with the phone calls & stick to 1 every few days.. she's still seeing him as frequently as before (after a 1 week break)
in the meantime she is freaking out because the guy has told his family about her...
she told me she thinks she has a hang up with marriage itself.. not the guy as he is sweet - - -
she says 'i don't know how to love him; isn't love a con; don't ppl marry out of neccesity/fear/money etc. not love at all'
should she get to know him further and consider 'settling' - or figure out whether she really wants him/ why she is scared
my mate says she would like advice on how to 'grow to like someone' given that many girls she knows settle for people far worse then this
her main issue is his constant mention of 'an engagement' which she thinks is too soon.. he could easily find another girl if she fobbed him off but nice guys like this one are rare; at this stage he thinks things between them are going really well.. but they aren't from her point of view
my friend's a shia; nice shia guys in her community are apparently non existent; her two older brothers are married w/ kids so her family's attention is now on her.. + she has just turned 30
i think one of her fears in calling it quits is that this is the only nice, cute, intelligent, non-player she has met in the last 6 years..
i realise you don't follow e-agony aunts' advice on matters like this.. but she wants a third opinion (her brain and mine are frazzled after thinking about this one)
My pakistani-uk friend has a dilemma -
she hasn't dated before (except 1 guy she saw from work briefly) and has met a malaysian guy (muslim) online and met up with him 4 times
she has been looking to settle down for ages, in the past she's had issues getting guys to accept the sect she's from... all the guys she spoke to were sunni and were put off by this at some point..
this guy likes her - he told her this week he would marry her today if he thought she felt the same.. she feels a bit overwhelmed - has been getting 6 phone calls a day from him + seeing him once a week (they live 45 mins apart and can only do this at weekends).
my friend told the guy to calm down with the phone calls & stick to 1 every few days.. she's still seeing him as frequently as before (after a 1 week break)
in the meantime she is freaking out because the guy has told his family about her...
she told me she thinks she has a hang up with marriage itself.. not the guy as he is sweet - - -
she says 'i don't know how to love him; isn't love a con; don't ppl marry out of neccesity/fear/money etc. not love at all'
should she get to know him further and consider 'settling' - or figure out whether she really wants him/ why she is scared
my mate says she would like advice on how to 'grow to like someone' given that many girls she knows settle for people far worse then this
her main issue is his constant mention of 'an engagement' which she thinks is too soon.. he could easily find another girl if she fobbed him off but nice guys like this one are rare; at this stage he thinks things between them are going really well.. but they aren't from her point of view
my friend's a shia; nice shia guys in her community are apparently non existent; her two older brothers are married w/ kids so her family's attention is now on her.. + she has just turned 30
i think one of her fears in calling it quits is that this is the only nice, cute, intelligent, non-player she has met in the last 6 years..
i realise you don't follow e-agony aunts' advice on matters like this.. but she wants a third opinion (her brain and mine are frazzled after thinking about this one)
Comments on this journal
As I said earlier, she can use the repulsion to her benefit. Tell her to get into S& M and she may use the repulsion as a turn-on. :)
Seeing as she hasn't had a relationship before, its quite easy to fall into this trap. She needs to get to know this guy better. Why is he in such a hurry to get married?. How old is your friend and how old is the guy?
she's met him a few times and speaks to him often but I personally think theres something vital missing here..She really needs to find herself first, ask herself whether she's just considering this guy on the basis of not being able to find somebody else or whether she truly thinks theres a chance of a whirlwind marriage.
I personally think you should at least get to know someone for a year or so..A few meetings are simply not enough in this day and age..
I think she's ready for marriage regardless of whether she believes she is or not..I think this guy might not be the right one for her..Desperate times call for desperate measures, and I hope this guy isn't a desperate measure! She should be happy not just content.
I think slowing down would be a good thing. If he's serious about her, he should wait. If not, then he's not really all that serious. I think they should slow down and figure things out inshaAllah. She should have space and time to think.
I hope inshaAllah it works out for your friend inshaAllah :) I'm no expert, just my two cents.
assalam alaikum.
there are about 30 people on naseeb alone who will back me up on that
divorce is allowed for a reason because in some circumstances it is a GOOD THING
you wouldn't understand until/unless you're in a bad marriage