Angry and hurt

Login to find out (January 27, 2006 at 8:55am)

paradise, in the situation you describe.. unnecessary drama created by someone you know, sometimes sitting down with them and having a quiet, calm word helps as:

- they can see you being calm, in control, smiling and patient as you explain why you're not pleased with their behaviour - this is the opposite of how they want you to feel! and you may be able to calmly impress on them just how embarrassing their behaviour is..

- you're tackling the issues head on; preferably with your husband there; or see if your husband will have the conversatin for you.. (shows you have his full support)

avoiding tackling this and instead trying to simmer your anger may not work as the issues will still be there.

Login to find out (January 26, 2006 at 3:13am)

I think the situation MIGHT be getting better.
Of course, since life is so unpredictably unsettling, I can't be for sure.

Login to find out (January 25, 2006 at 4:32am)

Inshallah everything will be fine soon. A bad phase cant last a life time. Now that the relationship is two fold u have to be even more careful as to how u deal with it. If your bro doesnt stick up for u and keeps himself aloof, i wud say that he is doing the right thing. He has his wife and his sis to balance and if he gets involved it means that he will have to side with one and its gonna be lose lose situation for him.

Login to find out (January 25, 2006 at 3:35am)

A mere coincidence.
I hope the situation simmers down and nothing else happens.
Unfortunately my husband's evil cousin happens to be my brother's wife also. My brother never sticks up for me, so he isn't getting involved in any of this at all.

Login to find out (January 24, 2006 at 10:57pm)

Allah Khair !
This seems to be a tricky and sad situation. I am sure ur husband is sensible enuff to handle his cousin. As you r married Alhamdolillah and wud know, when a gal marries, she jst doesnt marry a man , she marries an entire FAMILY. My sister has faced the music in her married life too, but my jiju was and continues to be extremely supportive. Your husband's love and faith in you will go a long way in helping u tide over these prblms.
For Gods sake request your father to please stay out of this, his health is important and you need to calm him down. I really dont know the setup of ur family, but lesser the interaction between the two families, lesser will be the problems between them.

Ahaa u already ordered pizza and got a DVD, was that advice well taken or a mere coincidence.

Login to find out (January 24, 2006 at 10:48pm)

I rented a dvd and am going to order pizza. I was actually thinking about getting a massage done at a spa, just for the hell of it. My husband's cousin has been making my life miserable, by trying to cause all sorts of problems between me and my husband, between me and my husband's brother and HIS wife....and it goes on and on. Unfortunately she has succeeded in causing distress to many people: Me, my husband, his brother, his brother's wife, and my father. Its become a horrible mess and it is all one person's fault and no one can do anything about it. No one is even telling her off. My father tried to tell her off but then she tried to make my father look like a bad guy, and it resulted in my father saying he cannot handle this all and feels like he might have a heart attack. It is very sad indeed and we are helpless at the hands of someone that wants to destroy us all.

Login to find out (January 24, 2006 at 10:07pm)

I would say PRAY. Seek guidance from Allah. If that doesnt work, pamper urself for a few dayz. Go to a spa..watch movies, indulge urself completely. Cos by bottling up everything inside u..u r only hurtng urself. And you got no right to hurt urself cos of anyone in the world. :) Love urself and soothe ur soul.

Login to find out (January 23, 2006 at 7:15pm)

Thanks for the link...really good stuff.

Login to find out (January 23, 2006 at 2:10pm)

Another Useful Website:

Coping.org Tools for Coping with Life's Stressors

Tools for Anger Work-Out
By: James J. Messina, Ph.D.
www.coping.org
coping.org

Login to find out (January 23, 2006 at 1:42pm)

Expressing anger isnt always a good idea for yourself or the other person especially if you care for the individual- You should always wait a bit - allow ur self to collect your thoughts and ideas maybe write down on a note card all the things that you are upset about and address the person in a calm and collected manner sticking only to the things that pertain to the event ( thats where the note card comes in handy)- In my opinion the other person can't do much to ward off your negative feelings, you have be willing to forgive the person first for any of that to take effect-and like Labs said you also need to weigh out the importance this person has in your life.

Login to find out (January 23, 2006 at 10:22am)

keeping anger in doesn't work.. it's bad for your health long term (not to mention the fact you may hold a grudge against this person/ people in general afterwards); obviously lashing out is not a good idea either..

1 - make a voodoo doll and find some pins (ok maybe not the best idea)

2 - seek advice from friends/ family - possibly tell them only some of what you're feeling initially.. or ask an expert eg. a counsellor

3 - figure out your relationship with the person, and therefore how badly this is affecting you eg. if they're a flimsy friend who've proved they're not interested in being nice to you, you can walk away more easily.. if you're talking about a good mate/ sibling/ parent/ spouse then sitting them down and having a calm little chat where you ask them to consider you/ how you feel wronged/ how you can work to make things better is vital

4 - write a letter to the person (not necessarily one you'll send them.. getting it out is meant to help...)

Login to find out (January 23, 2006 at 5:31am)

Emotional freedom technique emofree.com)

I've used this to tremedous affect in the past and still do.

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