Communication problems...

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Communication problems...

Alright guys...new problem for you to help me with. So the same guy I've been writing about in the past couple of entries...he never really seemed to care about me in the past. Not just romantically, but in general. Now all of a sudden, due to a few certain events that have been brought to his attention, he suddenly cares and is trying to keep in touch with me. I should be happy right? But no, I'm not. Because I think like he feels obligated to care about me now. I don't trust who he is anymore or what he's feeling. In the past, I poured my heart out to him. We talked about any and everything, except he would never let me get close to him in the way I wanted. I would discuss my problems (including the more personal stuff) and he would listen and say a word or two, but I got nothing of the sort in return from him. I thought we had a GREAT relationship because of how close I felt to him, but I didn't realize that HE didn't feel the same way about me. Every time I tried to get close to him, he shut me out. It was emotionally draining, needless to say. And it still is. Especially since I recently discovered that he "was" involved with another girl. The fact that he no longer is doesn't make a difference to me. Only the person who suffers the pain knows what it's like. Anyway, the point of my rambling is that I really don't know what to do. He keeps trying to talk to me and I either ending up being really cold to him because I'm so hurt (it's a defense mechanism) or I don't talk to him at all. It hurts me to hurt him more than it hurts him, but I have to do it nonetheless. He's really confused as to why I'm being this way and he thinks I hate him, although I never could. The problem is, I can't tell him the reasons why I'm upset with him because I found out stuff about him through "sources" of which he can't know about, because he would be really upset with the people involved. I WANT to confront him about all the reasons why I'm upset with him, but at the same time it's more important to me to stay loyal to the people who have been informing me on things with him. If any of you understand my rambling and have a possible solution, I would REALLY appreciate some help!

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Khismat: I really appreciate the feedback. And trust me, the "chasing" ended for me a LONG time ago. I find myself angry with him these days, and most of the time I don't even know why. I think it's because I'm finally realizing all I've been through in the past and I feel more drained than ever. Anyway, the only problem with confronting him is having to reveal my sources. I haven't bothered asking them because I know they will say no and I honestly don't blame them because they're both pretty close to him and he would feel REALLY betrayed or whatever. Especially because he's always bitching about how girls are untrustworthy and they tell their friends everything, blah blah blah. And yet at the same time it's like I'm still so mad at him, and I feel guilty for being mad at him because he doesn't even know the real reasons for my being upset. Oh and if by some miracle I were able to confront him, he wouldn't per se "lie" about it. He might say I "misunderstood" him because he tends to do that a lot, but he couldn't just deny it because I have actual proof. I have an AIM conversation with one source and the other source is a direct link between him and me. So BASICALLY, my problem is getting the sources to agree to let me "rat them out," but there's really no chance of that happening. I dunno anymore...I give up at life!!!

Open communication is always Great...however when you confront someone and they don't wish to explode that side or secret about them...ppl will end up making up tons of reasons as to why what you are saying is false. SO, one thing you def. do need to do is talk this thru with him and not reveal the sources...get the go signal from ur sources as well saying you just need to speak to him about this information they gave you only because things will never be the same if you don't confront him...since it will always be in the back of your head and no matter what you will treat him bad because u have that in the back of your head and are not aware what really happened and why. Girls and Guys need answers..however just confronting each other won't just give you answers because we are also very good at Lying. I am saying there is a chance he might deny everything you confront him with. What really matters in this is the trust, honestly and being able to accept the other person. IF there is no trust then its hard to believe whatever the guy tells you. I think you should confront him in a very relaxed and polite matter saying this has been on your mind and you came to know such and such...and would like to talk about it...then go from there...and give him a chance without neg. thoughts....however be also aware its a risk your taking. REMEMBER let the guy chase you all the time...never chase the guy...Guys who chase will never let go of their girl..because they have worked so hard to get you that they will make it work if something goes wrong...so don't get too attached to him or have expectations from him. EXPECTATIONS only hurt us...because its all in your mind.

Shaque: Thanks for the feedback. I totally agree with you. It's just that this particular situation is really tough because he and I are spiritually really close, but he never lets me get "personally" close if that makes any sense. He's the only guy I've ever loved...to the point that he's the only I ever want/ed to marry, and we really could've if he were into it. But you're right, the best thing I can do right now, is just to let him go. I'll definitely check out that book! :)

monazza, no offense taken. of course you don't like my idea...i wouldn't like it either if i was in your position (i mean, who wants to walk away from the guy they like especially when he's starting to "care")--but i think its the best thing you can do for yourself. spend your energy on someone who deserves it. (by the way, might i recommend a hilarious book that really tells it like it is--"he's just not that into you.")

Original_unoit: I already tried that nearly a year ago...it didn't work then...and there's no chance it'll work now. I'm workin with a REALLY dense one over here. :p

Shaque: Although I don't like your idea (no offense), I think that's what I'm gonna end up doing just because things are getting too complicated and he's too stupid to just ask me why I'm upset. My sources are definitely reliable and you're absolutely right about one thing, I really do not need to be wasting any more emotional energy on him.

Nazneen82: I wish I could talk to them about it, but they're both good friends with him, I don't think they'd be willing to and plus I'd feel guilty for asking them to look bad for me since they've already betrayed his trust for my sake. Ya know what I mean? As much as I want us to get things out in the open, I think I just want to back off of the idea as a whole, even if it drives me insane, it's not worth everyone else getting screwed over I guess...

i have gone through similar, ur best bet is to talk to ur friends and try to explain them situation, they might come through and let it be okay for you to confront

hmm, this is a tough call. i definitely don't think you should rat out your "sources" in order to confront him--he's not worth losing your true friends over (especially since he doesn't really care about you- even as a friend). just be sure that your sources are telling the truth (not saying they're liars, but sometimes people get misconceptions). if you're sure that what they tell you is true--i suggest not wasting any more time and emotional energy on him--no need to confront him or explain that you don't hate him, etc. he should know by now that you never could. just move on!

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Communication problems...

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