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Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Converts/Reverts & Virginity (irreparably damaged?!?)
I'm sorry today, has been a bad day for me..
I know when you convert/revert to Islam, your sins are supposed to be forgiven.. You're supposed to have a clean slate..
They say "to err is human, to forgive - divine"..
Unfortunately, this seems all too true at the moment. It's very natural to fall into sin, and as an American growing up, I was immersed in it.
As far as Americans go, I think I was a pretty good girl. I didn't date or talk to boys until I moved out of my parents house. I never partied, did drugs, smoked or drank..
Around two years ago, I became very interested in Islam. I was very interested before that point, but I didn't really do anything about it. So, two years ago, I took my shahada.
The past two years have been okay. I've been learning a lot, and even though there have been a lot of ups and downs, I've been okay.
Now, the problem comes with the fact that now I feel like I am ready to settle down. This opens a whole world of problems, and this is what I was thinking when I quoted, "to err is human, to forgive - divine". The reason? Forgiveness only seems to be the currency of God. I haven't really encountered very much here on earth. Rather, the currency of earth seems to be whispers, judgements and pointed fingers.
With looking for a partner, the whole virginity thing is really not in my favor. I AM NOT A VIRGIN. There, I said it. Most American women my age or not. Here, this is not too unusual, and since I converted, I haven't slept with anyone..
But oh God, to men, this is like the scarlet letter. They can talk to me for hours and think I'm wonderful.. But as soon as they hear this.. I am human TRASH. GARBAGE. UNFIT TO TALK TO.
My heart is just breaking. I want to find a nice Muslim man, but because of my past, I am not marriage material. Sometimes, I think I would have been better off if I had just stayed as I was. Most American men don't give a flying rats a** if a girl is a virgin. As long as she's a good person, (or hot) it doesn't really matter.
Religion is supposed to preach forgiveness, but it seems I have committed the unforgivable sin!
It just makes me so upset. I feel like I really am a good person, I am nice, modest, intelligent, family-focused, working hard to improve my deen.. But because of a mistake I made BEFORE I embraced Islam, I am seen as trash. ABSOLUTELY IRREPARABLE DAMAGE!
Men seem to (wrongly) think that if they are with a non-virgin, that she won't be able to love him as much, or she'll compare him to other men.. I think this is absolute BS. When I'm with someone, the last thing I'm thinking of is another man. It's not like I lie there and make comparisons..
When I'm in love, I'm in love WHOLLY. They are the center of my universe, I only have eyes for them. Where do men get off being so insecure?
Virginity is nice, but it doesn't mean that someone who isn't a virgin won't love you or will keep thinking of other men!!
I just really don't know what to do. I feel terrible. The only men willing to marry me are looking for greencards. I just feel sick. I also feel ashamed because I should be stronger than this.. But I'm just so stressed. I really don't know what to do.
As always, Allah knows best..
DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS WAY? HAS ANYONE ELSE ENCOUNTERED THIS? I AM JUST FEELING CRAPPY TODAY.. :(
I know when you convert/revert to Islam, your sins are supposed to be forgiven.. You're supposed to have a clean slate..
They say "to err is human, to forgive - divine"..
Unfortunately, this seems all too true at the moment. It's very natural to fall into sin, and as an American growing up, I was immersed in it.
As far as Americans go, I think I was a pretty good girl. I didn't date or talk to boys until I moved out of my parents house. I never partied, did drugs, smoked or drank..
Around two years ago, I became very interested in Islam. I was very interested before that point, but I didn't really do anything about it. So, two years ago, I took my shahada.
The past two years have been okay. I've been learning a lot, and even though there have been a lot of ups and downs, I've been okay.
Now, the problem comes with the fact that now I feel like I am ready to settle down. This opens a whole world of problems, and this is what I was thinking when I quoted, "to err is human, to forgive - divine". The reason? Forgiveness only seems to be the currency of God. I haven't really encountered very much here on earth. Rather, the currency of earth seems to be whispers, judgements and pointed fingers.
With looking for a partner, the whole virginity thing is really not in my favor. I AM NOT A VIRGIN. There, I said it. Most American women my age or not. Here, this is not too unusual, and since I converted, I haven't slept with anyone..
But oh God, to men, this is like the scarlet letter. They can talk to me for hours and think I'm wonderful.. But as soon as they hear this.. I am human TRASH. GARBAGE. UNFIT TO TALK TO.
My heart is just breaking. I want to find a nice Muslim man, but because of my past, I am not marriage material. Sometimes, I think I would have been better off if I had just stayed as I was. Most American men don't give a flying rats a** if a girl is a virgin. As long as she's a good person, (or hot) it doesn't really matter.
Religion is supposed to preach forgiveness, but it seems I have committed the unforgivable sin!
It just makes me so upset. I feel like I really am a good person, I am nice, modest, intelligent, family-focused, working hard to improve my deen.. But because of a mistake I made BEFORE I embraced Islam, I am seen as trash. ABSOLUTELY IRREPARABLE DAMAGE!
Men seem to (wrongly) think that if they are with a non-virgin, that she won't be able to love him as much, or she'll compare him to other men.. I think this is absolute BS. When I'm with someone, the last thing I'm thinking of is another man. It's not like I lie there and make comparisons..
When I'm in love, I'm in love WHOLLY. They are the center of my universe, I only have eyes for them. Where do men get off being so insecure?
Virginity is nice, but it doesn't mean that someone who isn't a virgin won't love you or will keep thinking of other men!!
I just really don't know what to do. I feel terrible. The only men willing to marry me are looking for greencards. I just feel sick. I also feel ashamed because I should be stronger than this.. But I'm just so stressed. I really don't know what to do.
As always, Allah knows best..
DOES ANYONE ELSE FEEL THIS WAY? HAS ANYONE ELSE ENCOUNTERED THIS? I AM JUST FEELING CRAPPY TODAY.. :(
Comments on this journal
ALLAH Forgives & Erases all sins, except Debt/Riba, upon Shahada.
So you are a Virgin.
& if anyone whose lack of tact dares ask you about such a thing, you can tell them just that: that you are a virgin
It is the height of ingratitude to reveal what ALLAH SubhanaHU wa Ta'Alaa Has Concealed, & anyone who would dare ask such a question is probably not capable of providing the Sensitivity & Respect all Sisters deserve.
How are you meeting these guys? Maybe we can help you meet a quality guy that deserves you.
dont let your past haunt your future, its the shaytan reminding you of your faults when Allah has already forgave them :)
have confidence and faith
Personally, I always lower my gaze around women. I don't shake the hands of women because there is a hadith regarding this. Oh and I'm a virgin. Why? First because of the teachings of the Prophet (S). Second, because I want to be able to tell my future wife that I have kept myself pure for you.
Would I consider a non-virgin sister? YES! Why? Because Allah is All Forgiving and provided they didn't enter into sin after Islam, Islamically they are as pure as a virgin!
May Allah make it easy on you, things will be alright insha-Allah just have patience, this is all part of a test!
Islam teaches us that we are not supposed to be disclosing our sins to people. There is a hadith that says humans sin at night and Allah conceils their sins and forgives them, so they should keep them conceiled. I asked someone knowledgable about this once, and he told me when getting married, you even have a right to hide the fact that you're not virgin as it's your own personal thing and nobody has any business with it. Moreover, it is of Islamic Character to NOT ask about such things. Look at the Sahaba, the Prophet's friends may Allah be pleased with them. A MAJORITY of them were converts to Islam, and many of them indulged in sin a lot before Islam, however after they convert, it's all over nobody even dares to bring up the past as we're on a new page. So unfortunately what you're seeing today in people is a lack of Islamic Character to say the least. Please don't let this discourage you. Know that every person's time of "naseeb" (marriage) is already written and chosen, so it's only about time to reach that point.. and meanwhile you may run into tests so be patient, and get closer and closer to Allah to the degree that he becomes your friend. And once at that point, nothing else matters in this world and nothing will hurt you insha-Allah.
Salam
Edgard
InshaAllah, things will get better before you know it and have Faith in Allah. Just remeber that only Allah knows the best :)
I met lots of Muslim men who could care less and who really believe that the past before you converted doesn't matter.
So they are out there. Insha'allah you'll find the right person for you exactly when God intends for you too. And in the mean time, enjoy being single - there are pleasures in being single - don't fall into the trap of thinking that everyone has to marry by a certain time. Just keep looking but without worrying about it so much and trust God and things will happen for you as He intends - and whatever He intends for you is good for you so you can relax and enjoy the process.
I may not feel 100% what you feel. But I can see you are upset, too much upset.
There is a Hadith which says "Aldoa Selaahol Mo'meen" = "Praying to God is the weapon of the believer"
This is not a small thing. Trusting in Allah is not a small thing. The one who has guided you, the one who forgave you for your past, will bring you what is best for you. Have you ever thought why you and only you among all people in your society saw the light and converted? That was Allah's will. He does not leave you alone after that.
What we think it is best may not necessary be the best. Many of us do not acknowledge that and that makes us impatient.
The delay after delay and rejection after rejection from males due to your current physical issue may eventually bring a man to you who is truly and only your soul mate among 6 billions. For that submit yourself to Allah.
In all conditions of life, whether we are too happy or too sad, whether up or down, all we need to do is relying on God and making him willingly the captain of the ship of our lives.
This of course does not mean the human should stop endeavoring.
I suggest you read the first few pages of Sourah Al-Ankaboot (Spider) from the holy Quran. That can be a relief.
Thank you,