Mattel recently announced the release of Limited Edition Barbie Dolls
for the Dallas market:

Plano Barbie

This princess Barbie is only sold at Willowbend Mall. She comes with
an assortment of Kate Spade handbags, a Lexus SUV, a longhaired
foreign Lapdog named Honey, and a cookie-cutter dream house with a
saguaro cactus in front. Available with or without tummy tuck and
face-lift. Workaholic ex-husband Ken comes with a Porsche.

Richardson Barbie

This modern-day homemaker Barbie is available with Ford Windstar
minivan and matching gym suit. She gets lost easily and has no
full-time occupation or secondary education. Traffic-jamming cell
phone sold separately. Can swear in English, Spanish abd/or Chinese.
Available at Target.

Oak Cliff Barbie

This recently paroled Barbie comes with a 9mm handgun, Bowie knife, a
'78 El Camino with dark tinted windows, and a meth lab kit. This
model is only available after dark and can only be bought with cash,
preferably small bills, unless you are a cop, then we don't know what
you are talking about.

Park Cities Barbie

This yuppie Barbie comes with your choice of BMW convertible or
Hummer H2. Included are her own Starbucks cup, credit card set, and
country club membership. Also available are Shallow Ken and
Spanish-speaking Nanny. This University Park Barbie hasn't been
affordable since the early 1980's.

Mesquite Barbie

This pale model comes dressed in her own Wrangler jeans (two sizes
too small), a classic Metallica shirt, and Tweety Bird tattoo on her
shoulder. Wants to major in NASCAR at Eastfield Community College.
She has a six-pack of Coors Light and a Hank Williams, Jr. CD set. She
can spit over 5 feet and kick mullet-haired Ken's a$$ when she is
drunk. Purchase her pickup truck separately and get a confederate
flag bumper sticker absolutely free. Available at Ross or at special
locations in Canton on First Mondays.

Garland Barbie

This tobacco chewing, brassy-haired Barbie has a pair of her own
high-heeled sandals with one broken heel from the time she chased
Beer-Gut Ken out of Mesquite Barbie's (discontinued) house. Her
ensemble includes low-rise acid-washed jeans, fake fingernails,
strawberry lip-gloss, and a see-through halter-top. Comes with
Barbie's dream doublewide trailer. Available at Wal-Mart. Cheap.

North Dallas Barbie

This collagen injected, rhinoplastic Barbie wears leopard print
Spandex and drinks Cosmopolitans to New Age music with friends at the
lodge. Is into crystals. Comes with Percocet prescription and botox.
Also cheap.

Grand Prairie Barbie

This Barbie now comes with a stroller and infant doll. Optional
accessories include a G.E.D. and bus pass to UTA. Gangsta Ken and his
'79 Caddy were available, but are now very difficult to find since the
addition of the infant.

Denton Barbie

This doll is made of actual tofu. She has long straight brown hair,
archless feet, hairy armpits, no makeup, and Birkenstocks with white
socks. She prefers that you call her "Willow." She does not want or
need a Ken doll, but if you purchase two Oak Lawn Barbies and the
optional Subaru wagon, you get a rainbow flag sticker free.

McKinney Barbie

Is pregnant, drives a new Ford Excursion, and is perfect in every
way. We don't know who Ken is because he's always away hunting or in
Japan on business. McKinney Barbie aspires to become Plano Barbie.
Not cheap but still very naive.

West Dallas Barbie

This Spanish-speaking-only Barbie comes with a 1984 Toyota with
expired temporary plates and three babies in the back, without car
seats. This is the only Barbie willing to do manual labor. Ken comes
in a meat-packer's uniform and is missing three fingers on his left
hand. Green cards are not yet available for West Dallas Barbie or
Ken. Available at Carnival or Fiesta Stores only.

Oak Lawn Barbie/Ken

This versatile doll can be easily converted from Barbie to Ken by
simply adding or subtracting the "snap-on" parts. Likes to experiment.