it is a must that both the girl and guy focus on the future and both of their families are in the picture and they have told their families about their intention to get to know so and so person for the ultimate purpose of marriage. before the engagement occurs once the marraige proposal is accepted, the girl and guy should talk to each other in the presence of their "mahram" (family members) within chaperone meetings...yet they can still talk through phone calls, skype, yahoo/msn/aol instant messager, and emails as long as what they talk about is Islam, their goals and aspirations, and their outlook for the future...that is how I went out with my future husband Alhamdullah. during engagement, it is courtship...they meet each other within supervised meetings (not be alone), talk by means of communication as said before, and maybe exchange gifts if they want to. it is only "dating" and going to the route of becoming girlfriend/boyfriend when the two people see each other in private and are manifesting their emotions and love into physical act.

If you can both focus on the future and both of your families are in the picture, then I would say that you're on the right tract. If you find yourself 'dating' someone who has not told their family, only talks about the 'now' (i.e. what you'll wear, won't wear, say, do, where you'll go and how far) and tries to avoid discussing what might come next in terms of marriage.. then you might want to ask yourself how committed they really are.

Sugar_high: please hun, now that we are married lets not boost his ego....lol...but seriously he is a good talker. Everyone one of his friends asked him...how the heck did you pick up a chick from NY, when you had no job,no home, no money, and you were still in school? If his friends would ask me...I would so simply say...just be yourself, and it'll happen to you too. My dad and Mamu were minumum paid employees when the first came to America..and now Mashallah they are doing well. You can't put finacial security on your list...it will come with time regardless. Let's talk about your humanity...that is important!

little = alot hehe ,, eeks

now can you get your hubby to have a LITTLE talk with the other men out there!

very good advice - thanks :)!

wow what a great summary.. thanks for that!

It's really simple labs. If the guy wants it as pure as you do. It should just flow. I never thought that was possible until I met my hubby. We spoke on the net for three days. The content was basically about morals, values, and perspectives on specific issues. But It was not at all like an interview. More like an intriguing conversation. Then we spoke on the phone for 3 weeks. Still there was no flirting on either part. Once you open the door with a bit flirtation...the main purpose goes astray. Yes it was difficult making a final decision because I did not know if my hubby had the romatic trait. But I figured..he is not a player..and that is a good sign for me. nevertheless you can sense attraction in someone's voice. That's what mattered most...respect...complimenting and flirting can sometimes be difficult to distinguish. After I said yes....I almost dehydrated with all his sweet talk.....I think it worked well b/c we both were serious about the issue. And when you want something for the right reason...patience is virtue. Don't spill out your feelings until you know if he could be the one.....