Pakhtoonwali isnt about making baseless racist claims regarding one's superiority over another. Your actions and character speak for themselves. It's time to act rather than sit and dream on about how great we are because we are Pashtuns.

The most successful nations are those united as community, not divided as racial sects. 1980's, there was a United Nations deligation went to Pakistan for tour. At the end of the tour when they were asked about their visit. The said: The found different culturs and people like Punjabis, Puktuns, Baluchees, and Sindis but the only people they did not find were Pakistanis. What they were trying to say that everyone labeled and divided themselves in accordance to their ethnicity rather then nationality.

Well, they blame me for not being Pukhtun enough, If all I am sayings is to leave this ignorance behind and move forward? I am blaimed for not abiding by Pukhtun Wali.

And the other point was that while we relish our pakhtoon heritage and bask in the glory of our history, we fail to see and question the discrepancy between our religion and pakhto. We never wondered why were those 'beghairata' principles inacted in the first place and still practised in the land of the ghairatmand.
The third point was about our tendency to whine, snivel and blame others for our problems instead of doing something constructive about it ourselves.

That wasn't my point Abshaw. Religion and ethniticy are two separate (at times might have overlapping characteristics) social groups that we categorize ourselves in. But yes, i do believe that ethnic groups can be subsets of religion and can coexist in harmony if we identify more with our religious group rather than our respective ethnic groups. Those of you who are not very religious can extend this line of reasoning further to say we could define ourselves as humans as opposed to non-human (or inhuman). But i personally believe we can actually use the 'us' and 'them' philosophy of identity to our benefit by enhancing/emphasizing the 'muslim' part of our social identity and accentuating the similarities within that group.

Fairy tale: you have now touched a very sensitive matter. Does being a good pukhtoon also means to be a good muslim or visa versa? Cause i believe that a person could be a good pukhtoon but still a bad muslim or visa viersa. But is that the baseline of our measurement scale? Have we mingled the identity of a culture into a religion? /////////////// On the contrary, i do agree with you on focusing on the bigger picutre, we should all start thinking collectively as a big family for the greater good, but most of us are still into bickering and killing the other because his great great great grand father, looked at my great great great grand aunt, and now that after 4 generations of murders and killings the 2 families have lost over 15 members each, who will take the initiative of saying, ok I'll be the bigger man. And even if we find one gem in the ashes, who is to make sure that he is not the one hanging on the noose next. These are some serious matters to think through, as every one is eager to show that he is more "ghairati" .

Sofi My mother said something along the lines of what you wrote that 'Family pride is a good thing as it helps you stay away from a lot of bad stuff as long as you dont use it as an attitude to look down upon another'.

Extending the same identity approach to the problem, we can say that people like to belong to groups that are considered to be attractive and/or prestigious. However, how much sense does it make to rely solely on the glorious past and the great deeds of our forefathers without making an effort to add to, enhance the group distinctiveness by doing something practical about it. You would see many people in NWFP whining about 'punjab getting this and that' and many Pakistanis complaining about India but then how many of us actually pause and think 'how much are we putting in?' 'what are we doing?' Its very easy to narrate the golden stories of our grandfathers' hospitality, generousity and other pakhtoonwali related deeds but how many of us can say 'i am a good pakhtoon because i went out of my way for another'; 'i inconvenienced myself for the comfort of my guest'; 'i risked my life and all that was dear to me in order to keep my word'???. To us Pakhto has become a mere point of superiority/distinction among Pathans and all other who are obviously Punjabis (abshaw you are right about us calling all non-pathans punjabis). We don't even know what Pakhtoonwali is all about. And then, has anybody ever thought that a number of principles that pakhto is based on are actually a contradiction of the teachings of Islam (i am not talking about all as some are actually quite reinforcing) e.g Swara? Yes, it still happens. When are we going to start using our brains to question and analyze instead of taking what we had been handed down and putting on the shiny gown of being a 'pathan' to avoid all our responsibilities?

Identity simultaneously conveys distinctiveness and oneness e.g. how am i different from others? who am i similar to? This aspect of identity assumes immense important in case of our social identity which can be seen as a measure of our self-concept defined by our association and affiliation with various social groups i.e language groups, tribes, religious groups etc. This categorization of self and others into in-groups and out-groups accentuates similarities within and differences between outgroups. Now the point is, different groups becomes salient as comparison groups at different times an in different situations. Moreover, these differences and similarities are perceptual rather than real. My point is, why cant we take a broader view to extend our ingroup that would include all language groups, tribes etc. and stop using 'punjabi' as the 'other' in our definition of ourselves. With a broader ingroup we would find that punjabis are part of 'us' rather than 'them' and we can always strengthen our identities by using some other comparison group.

where is the identity, how can one maintain the cultural identity with open mindedness. Although i agree that these things do more damage that good, but these are the very things that have kept the heritage alive, that have kept the secrets safe, that have helped maintain a unique identity. Can we let go of that too? are we really ready to get a life?

Get a life? I can do that! :P But seriously, I agree with you. There?s a difference between having a sense of pride versus a feeling of superiority over others. It?s alright to be proud of the accomplishments of your ethnic group, but claiming to be better than everyone else only leads to senseless hostility within the overall Muslim community. That?s the kind of negative thinking that prevents Islamic society as a whole from developing beyond its current boundaries. It might be impossible to convince any old-timers to let go of their prejudices and stereotypes but I?m sure the majority of the younger generations are more open-minded than you think.