a really really angsty introspection on love that i wrote a few years ago... written from the point of a view of a soldier (or any man who has seen violence in this crazy world)



Heavy is the Head that Wears the Crown


I?d never figured you as a selfish person.

I guess even I can be wrong sometimes.

What did you think it would do for me, this declaration of love? What favors were you trying to grant me by placing this crown of your affection upon me? Did you think you were easing my burdens by adding this weight to my head? My head, swarming with thoughts of guilt, images of bloodshed, echoes of dying screams and now, the obligation of those three words that passed through your lips like wisps of smoke and yet fetter my soul like iron chains.

Do you realize that though they were voiced but once, I see them proclaimed loudly in your eyes every time I look at you? That the blue pools of your eyes smother me with their soft expression? I?m drowning slowly every time our gazes meet, gasping my last breath, clawing desperately to stay alive. So many times I have steeled myself against you, building walls?no, fortresses around my heart, my mind, my soul.

But the graze of your fingertips is a wrecking ball, crashing through every strength I thought I had mastered, leaving me in rubble and ruins, destroyed every time you touch me.

How can your love be so violent, so destructive, so tyrannical? How can your emotions belie every ideal you stand for? Are you truly so ignorant of their oppressive power that you do not even seek to rein it?

Can you be human?

I almost thought for a moment that I could be, but then you stripped me down to a naked, bleeding skeleton of a soul. And you are blind to it all, as you seek to clothe the body that has no skin and bandage the wounds that have long since scarred.

I try to shake you out of your rose-tinted world, open your na?ve eyes so you can see the evidence of the havoc that you have wreaked upon me.

And you see, you finally see.

I know it from the way your mouth parts and your eyes widen to accommodate the tears of realization. I wait for the clouds of disgust to follow the wetness in your eyes, but they never come. Even as you see every grotesque detail of the man I am, your blue pools retain their declaration, though now it has become a lament that matches the cry of my own heart.

And I understand now the essence of your selfishness. I understand now that your head bows from the weight of this crown as well.