The Awkward First Phone Call
The Scene: The Girl is a 23 year old investment banker
working in New York. The Boy is doing his residency in Boston and
was given her number by his mother,who is a friend of the Girl's
aunt's brother-in-law's cousin's uncle's wife in Chicago.
Parenthesis are unspoken thoughts!!!!!!!!!
Monday night, 10 pm
Girl: Hello?
Boy: (Shit, she's home!) Umm, hi! Is this ---?
Girl: Speaking.
Boy: My name is ---. I don't know if you know who I am-
(God, what if she doesn't know who I am? I'll sound like a
complete
idiot.)
(Hell, I already sound like a complete idiot.
I don't even know why I'm doing this!)
Girl: Oh, you live in Boston, right?
Boy: Yeah. (Ok, she was told about me, that's a relief.
I wonder what she was told - "He's a resident, tall, an
fair,
and he graduated from Ivy League school!" God, she probably
hates me already!)
Girl: Yeah, my mother mentioned you had my number.
(I can't believe he actually called!)
Boy: So, how are you? (Oh yeah, that's real original,
but what the hell else I am supposed to say- Umm, hi,
I don't know you, but do you want to be my wife?)
Girl: I'm fine. And you
(Ok, this is off to a great start...)
Boy: I'm good
(Ok, think, think!)
So, I heard you're an investment banker?
(Oh, that's a real winner. Now I can be a bad
conversationalist
and an idiot!)
Girl: Yes.
Boy: (Ok, she is not helping me at all!)
Where do you work?
Girl: Merrill Lynch.
Boy: Hey, that's a great firm!
(I sound like a complete moron. I should just hang up except
my mother would somehow find out and kill me!)
Girl: Yeah, it's a nice place to work.
(God, this guy sounds like a complete loser)
Boy: So...
(Stall ,stall!)
Girl: So you're doing your residency in cardiology?
(Like my mom didn't tell me that 500 times already!)
Boy: (Ok, I can handle this...)
Yeah, I'm in my second year.
(Alright, now say something else, but what do I say?
Do you drink and have sex? Cause if you want to marry me,
you can't be one of those goody goody South Asian girls
who think if they kiss a guy they've practically
gone all the way)
So, what do you like to do in your free time?
Girl: (Umm... get wasted...)
Oh, you know, hang out with my friends, go to movies
Boy: Where do you like to hang out in NY?
Girl: (Shit, what am I supposed to say? This guy could be
some religious freak! I can't say bars - I'll say clubs,
you can go to clubs and not drink...)
Oh, sometimes we go to the movies, or there's a couple clubs
that are good...
(That was good, I made it sound like I like clubs, but I'm
not
really
into
them...)
Boy: (Ok, she goes to clubs, that's a good sign. If she was
really
religious she wouldn't do that.)
Yeah? I like to dance also.
Girl: (He likes to dance- that's a good sign. He can't
be that stiff!)
So where do you hang out in Boston
Boy: (Should I say it- alright, I'll say it, what the hell!)
Umm, the same, bars, clubs, stuff like that.
Girl: (He said bars! So he probably drinks. Good sign. I
should
explore this further...)
Are there any good bars in Boston
Boy: Yeah, there are some nice ones, I mean, I'm not a huge
drinker, but I like having a good time
(Ok, that gives the impression of someone who enjoys
drinking but is not an alcoholic - pretty good, if I do
say so myself!)
Girl: (That sounds really positive. This guy sounds kind of
cool. But if he's so cool why is he calling me? Shouldn't
he have a girlfriend? Or there's no need to call random
girls
his mother tells him about? God, what if he's completely
ugly? Or has never been kissed?)
Yeah, me too. Although I hope my parents never find out.
Boy: Yeah. I know exactly what you mean.
(I wonder if she's butt ugly...)
Girl: (Ok, so he didn't freak out at the living a double
life
reference- another good sign. I just wish I knew what he
looked
like...
So..
Boy: (Or she could be really fat with a huge mustache.
Well, there's only one way to find out!)
So, I know this sounds a little crazy, but I'm visiting
some friends in NYC next weekend and I wonder if you'd want
to get together for coffee sometime.
Girl: (Coffee. That's totally safe. If he's totally nasty
have a quick espresso and run like hell!)
Yeah, that sounds great.
Boy: (Alright that went pretty well. Coffee's pretty
harmless.
And who knows, maybe she'll be cool. Now I have to get the
hell out of this conversation...)
So I have your e-mail, should I just e-mail you soon and
we can figure it out?
Girl: (E-mail is sooo much better than the phone. Thank God
for
e-mail!)
Yeah, just e-mail, I check it all the time at work, so-
(God, this is getting painful)
Boy: Alright, I'll e-mail you soon.
(Meaning in two days cause I don't want to look too
desperate,
but at the same time I don't want to look like I'm trying
not to look too desperate...)
Girl: Cool. Well, I'm glad you called.
(I think...)
Boy: Me too. Well, I'll see you soon.
(Please be hot, please be hot!)
Girl: Alright. Bye.
(I can't believe he called! Too late to back out now.
Besides, maybe he's cool. He didn't sound so bad on the
phone. )
Boy: Bye.
(I did it! I am the man. I think she wants me. Yeah, she definitely wants me.)