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Is this racist, prejudiced, or none?


I'm curious to know what the rest of y'all think about this...

I have 2 roomates.. Both of them are american born. One is of hyderabadi descent and the other one is caucasian (he converted a few years ago). I'd like to think we're all good, upstanding Muslim kids, but we've been throwing this argument around the last couple of weeks

The hyderabadi guy just recently got engaged and married a hyderabadi girl. All the girl's he met for marriage purposes were hyderabadi. My other roomate thinks this is pretty racist and is indicative of many of the divisions within our ummah (esp. American muslims). Thoughts?
 

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Login to find out (April 29, 2005 at 9:10am)
It really is isn't it!..I am becoming petrified of being left on the shelf..rotting past my best before date!..lol..
 
Login to find out (April 26, 2005 at 12:42am)
Xub now who will explain to Nura Baingan and Dall and Kutti :) Nura. Hyderabadi is a cast
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 8:09pm)
Begsy.. "why can't everyone just accept being a muslim is enough to marry one another".. but would your parents agree...... Would our parents have an issue if we came home with an Arab Muslim, or a white Muslim, or a black Muslim..? (assuming we were different race/colour)
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 8:07pm)
I think Begsy is echoing the same sentiments that a lot of people who convert to this religion feel.. that why can't muslims accept other muslims just based on the fact that they are Muslim! And if we do accept ALL muslims then why can't ALL muslims accept people outside of their race as potentials for marriage, regardless of their ethnic background. I will agree that its easier for one to congregate with their "own people". But, what defines "our people"? Esp. given the fact that we live in America.. a huge melting pot of cultures. And one would think that the american muslim community should be one of the best melting pots around. After all.. aren't we all one ummah anyways? One thing that I do find intersting is that it seems like most people who agree that there's nothing wrong with marrying within your culture are indian/pakistani people. When I first posted this question.. I was wondering if we'd get a good sampling of American muslims. I'm not faulting anyone for what they've said (I'm glad to see people responding), I just think its interesting. One thing that also did strike me as wierd was when I first moved to the midwest. I grew up in the south. When I first came to the mosque here, I saw all sorts of interracial marriages. Which was nice.. but I remember thinking.. hmm, thats wierd. Which, now that I think about it.. I wonder why I thought it was wierd. Maybe, I'm just rambling.. but I've learned a lot from hanging out with my roomate who just converted.. and I really do feel for him.
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 2:06pm)
Xub: lol..thats funny :) hahahahaha
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 1:10pm)
I personally would want to be with someone who loves and cares about me no matter what race or religion they are...but then again I dont want to go down a path thats going to be challenging all the time. Too much challenge for me can demotivate me and I dont want to go through that. I prefer staying with someone who is from the same background as I am and is muslim no matter what sect they are. And it all comes down to what we believe in and how we would want to raise our kids....its okay to be with someone from your background. Everyone loves to stay in their comforte zone, nothing wrong with that :)
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 9:47am)
begsy...I too wish people can drop the cultural barriers and feel that someone being muslim is enough. I think our Ummah could definitely benefit from such an attitude. However, its human nature to feel more safe, and comfortable with people who have similar background......for some others, a spouse from a different culture is more appealing. Neither are wrong....what is wrong is when parents prevent their kids from marrying someone who is from a different culture but a good muslim......that I have issues with! Btw.....all mixed kids that I know are gorgeous, especially if the 2 parents are from very different backgrounds! A friend of mine is half irish half somalian....and she looks like she has been just plucked from the amazon rainforest and dropped into Ottawa, LOL. Very exotic!
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 9:29am)
Begsy...good one ;) I wish life was that simple but its not. Its tough out there ;)
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 9:25am)
So basically its impossible to find someone..theres just too many ifs and buts..why can't everyone just accept being a muslim is enough to marry one another..too much criteria to fulfill..bad enough trying to find someone you like let alone go through all this as well.
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 9:19am)
Yea i dont think this is racist, i mean if the guy wants a Hyderabadi girl then more power to him, it really depends on the person i think esp.when it comes to marriage purposes, everybodys different. I think parents also may have somewhat of a role in this, not only the guy, if they are traditionaly hyderabadi then maybe they want the extended family to be the same way, i think it all boils to the person/family, i dont think its being picky also....Like i'm gujarati and all my relatives/family are guju also and i'm sure my rents would want me finding the same kind, but i mean if i find a girl that will make me happy and we connect on all levels and i think she is the one(of course she has to be muslim lol), i know for sure my rents will happy also without any problems. The most important thing is finding the one that will keep you smilin for life and not get to "greedy" in selection process cause that can even get tough at times....so overall i dont think his decision is being racist, it all depends how the person and his family is.
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 5:15am)
I don't think marrying someone of a different race is such a big issue...if two people love each other enough they'll work it out...but I agree that there will be more obstacles in the way....also from what I gather the cast system plays a big role in the sub-continent, where a man may marry a women from a lower cast, but it rarely happens that a woman will marry a man from a lower cast.
 
Login to find out (April 25, 2005 at 4:34am)
well there is this plus point of getting married to person from same economic/social standard which gives you lesser problems. but there is no barring from marrying cross culture if you are muslims. but i think most of people(i would say i did) would like to marry a person from same back ground
 
Login to find out (April 24, 2005 at 5:11pm)
I agree Sam77, my brother (pakistani family) married a bengali girl, and there were a few hurdles before they got permission (from my parents..)
 
Login to find out (April 24, 2005 at 4:26pm)
I also agree with most people here that in terms of marriage, it makes things alot easier if both come from similar background or culture. If that's what someone wants, then each to their own. BUt I totally can see where your american friend is coming from because I think MOST desi parents are flat out racist..especially when it comes to marriage. I mean, if their son or daughter wants to marry a good muslim person.....chances are they are in for a lot of obstacles if that person isn't also Pakistani. Sometimes it goes even as far as the person having to be from the same region, or speak the same language, (Pujabi speaking, or urdu speaking). I even know some desi parents who refuse to marry their son or daughter to someone who is really educated,raised in the west but whose family is originally from a village. Frankly, I'm rather fed up with the old desi mentality and ways. Don't get me wrong, there are alot of values they hold which I think are great, but there are just as many, or more which are sooo very ignorant.
 
Login to find out (April 24, 2005 at 3:59pm)
I think one should stick to whomever one is comfortable with.. I married a Pakistani whose parents had emigrated to Pakistan from India.. to find out later that they disliked Pakistanis (yet wanted to marry into that race).. caused all sorts of issues.. he has now married someone from 'back home' and is probably regretting his and his parents' openminded experiment.. I also know a hyderabadi girl married to a bengali guy.. many ppl tend to stick together out of fear they will be discriminated agaianst or not be able to pass on their language/ culture if they marry an 'outsider' who is minded.. often this turns out to be true..
 
Login to find out (April 23, 2005 at 5:39pm)
I think you should marry who ever you feel comfortable with...either she/he is from your nationality or not...I see where your friend is coming from he wants to marry in his own culture and that is totally understandable...but if he starts putting other cultures down then thats wrong...One of my friend(hydrabadii) was once telling me how he is looking for a guy for his sister for marriage...so I asked him what kind of guy he is looking for and he told me some basic requirments like, tall, religious, finacially stable, etc...and then he says but no Pakistanis cause all the pakistani guys are jerks...now I think thats racist because he just judge whole pakistani race just with the behavior of some...you marry who ever you want but don't insult other culture or race on the way...
 
Login to find out (April 23, 2005 at 1:04pm)
I have a friend of mine that is white too. He Inshallah will be marrying a desi girl. He has been a Muslim for ten years and he went through the same thing. Although it does come off racist to the other point of view your white friends that is really not the intention of most (some it is) to be racist. I have another friend who is thinking about marrying an african american Muslim. Desi tend be very racist about marrying into the black culture. She is going to have to deal with a lot for the marriage process. I totally see where your friend is coming from but I think it should be clear where our parents generation is coming from also. Its more about being comfortable to most people.
 
Login to find out (April 23, 2005 at 12:43pm)
Thanks for all the responses! I've tried to look at this question from his point of view (people that just converted to Islam). And he just like any one of us wants to marry a good muslim guy/girl. The problem he has run into is.. most muslim kids end up going through their parents to get married. And parents will most likely stick to their own culture/race. So, people that have converted are locked out of "our marriage process".

They look at people who converted with this mentaility of... oh Mashallah, beta.. its so good you've converted to our religion. We want to welcome you with open arms.. Just don't try and marry our son/daughter. And so his main argument as to why this is racist is that you're not marrying based on who is a good person/muslim, but you're marrying for culture. Which is racist. Now, I'm not sure I agree with that completely, but like I said.. I want to understand where he's coming from.
 
Login to find out (April 23, 2005 at 12:43am)
I got no problem with it but i think islam looks down upon nationalism. I think as long as ur open to other cultures and give them an honest try, its all good. Nothing wrong to appreciate where u are from.
 
Login to find out (April 23, 2005 at 12:16am)
Very intersting question, I think we can not say much about your friend without making some assumptions. The behavior and decision in itself isn't racist. So, we have to know other such decisions by your friend. Does he favor hydros in all situations? People choose life partners with similar background to make life easy for them. People with similar background are likely to get along well and you don't have to spend a lot of time in learning about cultural things. Did this person have any other options? Sometimes it's easy to criticize people's choices but when it comes to providing them an alternative solution, we have none to offer. Did your friend get a chance to marry someone with a different back ground? What if marrying a hydro was the easiest and pratically feasible option?