TEACHER Why are you late?

WEBSTER Because of the sign.

TEACHER What sign?

WEBSTER The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."

TEACHER Cindy, why are you doing your math multiplication on the floor?

CINDY You told me to do it without using tables!

TEACHER John, how do you spell "crocodile?"

JOHN K-R-O-K-O-D-A-I-L"

TEACHER No, that's wrong

JOHN Maybe it's wrong, but you asked me how I spell it!


TEACHER What is the chemical formula for water?

SARAH H I J K L M N O!!

TEACHER What are you talking about?

SARAH Yesterday you said it's H to O!


TEACHER George, go to the map and find North America.

GEORGE Here it is!

TEACHER Correct. Now class, who discovered America?

CLASS George!


TEACHER Willie, name one important thing we have today that we didn't have ten years ago.

WILLIE ME!

TEACHER Tommy, why do you always get so dirty?

TOMMY Well, I'm a lot closer to the ground than you are.


TEACHER Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I."

ELLEN I is...

TEACHER No, Ellen..... Always say, "I am."

ELLEN All right... "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."


TEACHER "Can anybody give an example of COINCIDENCE?"

JOHNNY "Sir, my Mother and Father got married on the same day, same time."


TEACHER "George Washington not only chopped down his father's cherry tree, but also admitted doing it. Now do you know why his father didn't punish him?"

JOHNNY "Because George still had the ax in his hand."


TEACHER Now, Sam, tell me frankly, do you say prayers before eating?

SAM No sir, I don't have to, my Mom is a good cook.


TEACHER Desmond, your composition on "My Dog" is exactly the same as your brother's. Did you copy his?

DESMOND No, teacher, it's the same dog!


TEACHER What do you call a person who keeps on talking when people are no longer interested?

PUPIL A teacher.


SILVIA Dad, can you write in the dark?

FATHER I think so. What do you want me to write?

SYLVIA Your name on this report card