Alhamdhulilah, ever since baby Zara, I have been so busy that I have no time to be sad about mean friends. I only keep in touch with the true ones. And I have not had any friendship issues, since baby Zara. What a relief. Who would have thought that a little beautiful baby would solve my biggest issue. Thank you Zara, Mamma loves you.

zananiyo....kee galan ker rahey ho

ur quite welcome....and surely i am learning from your experience...so when it happens to me..i can recall that this is normal to feel...

i am sure your baby consumez you ...hehehe...must be so tiring ....

as for missing the presence of your friends..that will be there...surely we all deal with this change in our routine life that we are so used to...and in theory ready to adapt to new change....but in practical its soo hard...isn't it ???
(ex: when you get married/ then when you have a baby)....ppl always say your whole life changes...b/c its just not wat you want ...when you want..how you want..other ppl in the story now and have equal parts in it !.....

so go with flow....you'll enjoy it all...even if its diff now !

Wow Nuriji; you are right, I am bz 24/7 with my baby. It feels like 30/7...hehehe

But I told my friends that I am glad that I had a baby b/c now I won't have time for bs. I spend so mush time with my baby. I don't use her as an excuse not to chill. I just got my priorities straight now. With the people I truly care about, I take baby Zara with me all dressed up, both mother and daughter...lol

And you are right, this time will my daughter with fly, I will cherish it. Since I am not working I can use it to my advantage. See I am glad I opened this village, another's perspective can do a lot in cheering one up. Thank you.
It is definite the presence of others that are genuine that I miss the most.

jamilaz... i agree....we should forgive..and respect that it was just diff of opinion that could not mix...forgiving is a trait allah swt appreciates most when one human forgives the other....

slim....hmmm interesting point...u've been home for quite sometime...well look at it from a diff perspective...
ur social life will be from a diff angle now ...and it always changes after marriage...and then changes more after a baby...so welcome the change...

you still got us :)...lol....so online friendships will probably fit your need more...

also take the opportunity to bond with the baby...those times u will cherish...they will never come back....consider yourself lucky that you can spend that with her..

seems also that you are used to ppl around you as you say...w/ the baby...the time is cut anyhow...so pick quality time you spend with a friend over quantity...even if its just a nice chat with them....

so is it the presence of others around you that you miss the most? or wat to do with your time ?

Thank guys,
Friend:The thing is I have been at home since my preg and baby. So for me, I was used to a big social life with ppl around me all the time. Now that I am home...how can I make such friends. But if I work I will have that 7am to %pm friendship. Even that helps, I know cause I had it at my career in NY.

Jamila: Honey that is awful. What a b%$, anyway, just concentrate on your wonderful Hubby and your wonderful baby who is about to be in this world with you very soon Inshallah.

Nuriji...GIRL!!! your right on the money with me. You spoke my mind.

Kamran: They sat hate is such a strong word....sometimes I hate ppl, sometimes I love them. It's like that song by Alicia Keys..keep falling in and out of love, ...

I have decided since Zara came into my life Alhamdhulilah, to befriend only with true ppl, others can gossip, stab, lie, disrespect, and they can also KISS MY A$$ GOODBYE, I couldn't care less.


Whoa my gosh, I feel so mean.....but really guys I am such a sweet loving person, really.... :)

Anyone that has wronged us, we should forgive. You don't have to be friends, but should forgive.

i dont like ppl either...

if you think they have wronged you in a way that is not forgivable to you...then they need to go...

if you feel they will cause trouble in relationships that are top priority for you...they need to go...

if the friendship is more of a headache and too emotionally time consuming with no production of results ...they need to go...

if someone continously does things that you have already mentioned hurt you...then how much do they care for you...and they need to go...

how you depart from them is also important....if they are part of a larger circle of friends....

depart with respect and dignity...like you said...slim....different ideologies and different thinking...
so do what you think makes you happy....

only so many chances one can give....find your comprising/tolerance level....

choose few great friends
and many good acquiantences

good friends are hard to come by...and hardwork to build ....

In the past, I have given people numerous chances, but I have since changed.

Most recently, there is a girl who did something wonderful for me a couple years ago. I thought she was so awesome, although many others had told me to stay away from her. I don't like to listen to rumors because I know people talk a lot of B.S. I always like to judge others myself. Well within 6 months of knowing this girl, her true colors started showing. She deliberately tried to get between my husband and me by talking bad about me. I forgave her over and over again and gave her numerous chances. Until she started making direct accusations against me on things I never did nor said. For the sake of my husband's friendship with her (over 10 years), I did not tell him to discontinue his friendship with her, however she herself kept saying horrible untrue things about me and he slowly realized himself what others have said and continue to say are true. After all, he lives with me and sees and hears what other people think of me. I feel bad for her since she is going through a difficult time in her life, but how can you let things go over and over again with no signs of improvement? You can't put the friendship on one person only. It's 2 sided. She continues to believe she has done nothing wrong and believe that I am a bad person and has threatened bogus legal action against me, which she does not realize has no merit. What she also does not realize is that everyone from west coast to east coast & Chicago thinks she's bipolar, psycho, crazy and some other things that I shall not list here.

Sometimes I get very upset about her behavior and think I should discuss it with her parents, however I realize I have to be strong and look to all my blessings. Her parents have no control over her. She's 32 and what could they do? She's all alone due to her own doing. There is only so much people can do for others.

Slim- friends come and go from your life all the time. It is just the way it is. For most of my life I had one true friend that stayed in touch with. We are still friends. I have friends from work who pretty much stay friends from 7am to 5pm. Friends who are not there for you when you need them are not really friends, just time fillers. :P

Not really anyone I've been close to. At least not really them letting me go, or me letting them go. Just me and the other person growing apart as we grow older.

apka, I htink you are right, it is time to let go and stop looking for comfort in my chi friends. I will stay just buds with them.

ahmed, I have the true friends in NY.

I think I will close the friendhip chapter in my life now. Besides I am sooo busy with my baby. Which I am very glad for. Less time for Bullshit!

Has anyone ever let you guys go?

And if they never say sorry and never change...it depends on how close I was before hand. And what exactly they did. There no flat answer that I can give.

Some friends I've learned I can not go to for all things. And in somethings I'll probably never really trust them again. But they are still friends in many other ways and I can still be friends with them, just not as close as I thought.

It just depends on what the person did. Like if someone hurt me, its possible I can forgive or at least overlook and still be friends (though more limited in friendship). If they hurt someone close to me, then....that would be another story entirely.

It depends on the level of friendship.

All my good friends care about me and I care about them. If we didn't have that type of relationship I wouldn't be able to classify them as good friends.

Maybe when I was a little kid I'd just hang out and play with whoever. But time goes so quickly and everyone is so busy these days. But I'm not interested in just having a movie buddy or something anymore. I want real friendships with people. Friends to be there not just in fun times but in bad as well.

If the only thing your friends are is a way to pass time, I don't know. It seems like a waste cause you can have more.

Well shorty i think you are very sensitive. What i have learned in all these years is that usually friends dont care if you are there or not. Everyone moves on. For most ppl friends are just someone to have fun with. And they are with their friends as long as they are having fun .... and when that friend is not fun anymore they find someone else.

So now its upto you. Learn from what everyone said in this JE or learn it the hard way. And i think you have tasted some of it already.

What if they never say sorry and never change, then what?

It depends on what people did. And how much you believe they are sorry and/or have changed.

I see your point, but I just don't believe in wasting time on friends that hurt me more then twice especially when I have complained to them repeated about the specific complaint.

I think I give more effort in maintaining friendships than I receive back in return. Even though I know it should be even. And I tend to give people more chances than they deserve.

But I'm getting better at not doing so. There are plenty of people that truly care about me and they deserve my time and attention before the people that dont.

I don't know if I would ever cut someone out entirely. Or cut them out cold at least. But I'd become curt (polite, but curt). And it would just fade away with time to nothingness.