Village Journals
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Love or Arranged?
Which would you choose and why? Say for instance you are pro-love...would you even consider a person your parents wanted to introduce...? what if he fit all your requirements, and was hot to boot? would you go for it?
What about if you only wanted an arranged marriage, and fell in love? then what? How would you approach your parents regarding the guy/girl you were in love with...what would there reaction be....?
What about if you only wanted an arranged marriage, and fell in love? then what? How would you approach your parents regarding the guy/girl you were in love with...what would there reaction be....?
Comments on this journal
A lot of desi parents just stay together for sake of family, respect, and children.
and if i fall in love with someone and we decide to tie to the knot then thats even better...
so.. love or arranged? hmmmm... y cant we have a love marriage that your family arranges for you???
Ive actually met Mirza Tahir Ahmed when I was a kid...
anyways when i say get to know the person...I mean get to know who they are by meeting their family and friends, discussing what you want out of a marriage and what he wants, likes dislikes, etc.
Is his education par with you? will he let you work if you want to? is there certain rules your inlaws want you to abide...such as hijab, ect. Does he plan on moving far away, where are you going to live, etc.
these things once known can help you in the long run.
Or have supervised visits ? I mean we r muslims so what is the proper way according to Islam.
1. you should know the person...whether arranged or love, otherwise you can been for a lot of disapointment and bitterness.
2. WOA NILLY! really well written...but seriously..its not final exam!
In the United States, it seems that it is the norm for people to fall in love (or imagine they are) as a precursor to getting married; the basis for love being physical appearances first and personality later. This is presumed to be a marriage based on love, for before the actual marriage there are numerous things which have to take place. Namely, the man and the woman should be able to experience a trial version of married life through dating, physical relations, and perhaps even living together. These activities before marriage are completely against the essence of human nature, and leads, in most cases, to unhappiness and dissatisfaction after marriage.
Studies have shown that 40-50% of marriages in the United States will fall apart. The question arises, how could a marriage based on love ever fall apart? Especially when considering the reason that the couple getting married in the first place, were married because they were content with the personality as well as physical appearances of their spouse.
A sad reality is that the people in this society have lost touch with their own conscience and logic. Take how a man and woman meet in the first place. Usually, a man has to make an approach to a woman and then say and do things that will make her talk to him. This may involve lying or showing-off--two very undesirable traits. I have never heard of a person loving another for being a liar or being arrogant, but it seems that women get caught in this web of deceit that is spun around them, and thereby fall into the clutches of men who may not have the best of intentions going forward with whoever that woman is. Women are such that they prefer stability and married life, but the men of this society try to entrap as many women as possible for their own carnal desires and when a woman gives in to the carnal desire of the man, he tosses her aside, as a thing used, and goes onto the next woman.
Then what remains of love? It seems that the men who do get married are with those women who did not let them continue on their hunt for other women. It is those men who got stuck with women that forced them to get married to them through guilt. The men themselves describe themselves as finally getting tied down.
The marriages that are based on this kind of love are not love at all; they are more of a curse. The basis for marriage was looks, and if every man or woman was going around lustfully looking at every person of the opposite sex as a potential mate, all the while dressing up in such ways as to attract them, how can one ever expect them to stop this all of a sudden after marriage? That is why it is no wonder that in this society women dress down so much at home, and dress up so much to go outside. Women dress up so as to attract men and have them notice her while she is out, all the while forgetting that the point of attraction should be solely between her and her husband. It is to this type of freedom that such a shout is raised by people in the west that women have no rights in Islam, because it is enjoined upon women to cover their selves, when in reality it is women in the west who are putting themselves in chains by following the perverse desires of men and dressing shamelessly. These women then go around saying that all men are pigs, but the reality is that like attracts like--so a pig only attracts other pigs.
As far as men are concerned after marriage, their old habits do not leave them easily. If they were licentious before marriage, it is a vain hope that they will all of sudden reform and be models of chastity after marriage. With both men and women not being able to mend their ways and reserve their attractions and love for another after marriage, it is no wonder why so many homes are broken. Affairs outside of marriage are common occurrence. For, rather than being looked at with horror and disgust, it is looked at as incidental and is sometimes blamed on the spouse for not keeping the interest alive during the marriage.
As opposed to this vulgar and filthy state of affairs, arranged marriages provide for a far more reasonable and moral institution of marriage. Let us look at the Islamic system regarding arranged marriages, because it is the best system in the world today, as I will proceed to show you.
It is important to point out that in Islam, a man and woman should not have any kind of illicit relationship before marriage. In the Holy Qur?an, Allah commands men to observe Ghadde Basar (restraint of eyes) when dealing with women that are outside the prohibited degrees of relationship. Allah says in the Holy Qur?an, ?Say to the believing men that they restrain their looks and guard their private parts. That is purer for them. Surely, Allah is Well-Aware of what they do? (24:31). After this commandment, Allah, the All-Aware, continues with a commandment to women. Allah says in the Holy Qur?an:
And say to the believing women that they restrain their looks and guard their private parts, and that they display not their beauty or their embellishment except that which is apparent thereof, and that they draw their head-coverings over their bosoms, and that they display not their beauty or their embellishment save to their husbands, or to their fathers, or the fathers of their husbands, or their sons, or the sons of their husbands, or their brothers or the sons of their brothers, or the sons of their sisters, or women who are their companions, or those that their right hands possess, or such of male attendants as have no desire for women, or young children who have not yet attained knowledge of the hidden parts of women. And that they strike not their feet so that what they hide of their ornaments may become known. And turn ye to Allah all together, O believers, that you may prosper (24:32).
God commands women to observe Ghadde Basar as well and dress and act in ways that will not give rise to the passions of men. As Muslims, we believe in a living God who is always watching over us and is above any sort of imperfection, therefore, we cannot but follow His directives because we are weak and pitiful human beings who are always in need of guidance from their Gracious Lord.
How do Muslim men and women meet then? When they are ready for marriage, they can arrange for meetings between potential spouses with their parents supervision. When a man and a woman meet a few times, they get to know each other a little. With the meetings being supervised, the parents also get to know the future spouse a bit. Parents are very adept at seeing through any kinds of smokescreens in regards to what a person is like, as they are not looking at the person in regards to how well their pictures will come out, but the righteousness of the person and how well they will deal with their children. Parents always want what is best for their children leaving out any concern for themselves. For a parent, their utmost concern is for their child to be happy, therefore, they will always be able to make a good judgment in terms of who their child should marry. Of course, if a child does not agree with their parent?s choice, the Holy Prophet (SAW) has stated that they should not be forced to marry anyone they do not like. If some parent does force their child or guilt them into marrying someone then may Allah guide and have mercy on these kinds of parents, as they do not follow and obey the Holy Prophet (SAW).
Going back to Ghadde Basar, the fact that Muslim men and women must restrain their eyes is a blessed directive. A person that can control his or her eyes from wandering before marriage when passions are eating away at their soul will certainly be given the strength by our Merciful God to control their passions after marriage. This will lead to a buildup of trust between the husband and wife, because they will know that the other fears Allah and believes in Him to such a degree that they would never do anything to jeopardize their relationship with Him and each other at the cost of some momentary lapse in judgment. This kind of trust is lacking in America, because in many marriages there is so much suspicion in regards to the faithfulness of the spouse that divorces may happen based off of the threat of their spouse being unfaithful alone.
In America, with all sorts of heinous moral crimes being committed everyday, it is no wonder marriages do not last. With the disgusting institution of dating that is so commonplace, what kind of a false hope do people have that their spouse will not cheat on them? When a person has given their hearts out to so many people, what will be left to give to whoever their eventual spouse is? The institution of marriage based on dating is improper and is in total rebellion with human nature. We as human beings were created so as to develop a relationship through marriage, and continue developing that relationship throughout our lifetimes so that it may become a paradise on earth for us.
Allah says in the Holy Qur?an, ?And of His Signs is that He has created wives for you from among yourselves that you may find peace of mind in them, and He has put love and tenderness between you? (30:22). Allah, the most Wise, only mentions wives in this verse, because the only way to build a relationship with a person of the opposite gender is through the institution of marriage. God does not put any love and tenderness between men and women who are not united through marriage, because there is so much distrust and tension that the next day one or the other could run away and chase after someone else.
Islam is such a perfect religion that it safeguards men and women from having their hearts darkened through the lapses of an illegitimate relationship with the opposite sex. Obviously, if a person is dating and their boyfriend or girlfriend ends their relationship due to their finding someone else or other reason, the person who was thrown aside like garbage feels very hurt. With their hearts broken once, a sort of tenderness leaves them forever and their relationships with whoever they meet in the future always becomes colored with a sort of suspicion. How can anyone fully trust another after having their hearts broken in such a way? What hopes do people who get married based on this kind of ?love? ever have in maintaining a healthy married life? The answer is slim to none in most cases.
The criticism sometimes arises that there are instances where even arranged marriages do not work out, and there is no way to deny this fact. In response to this criticism the only reply is that the vast majority does work out, but the ones that do not are not due to any kind of flaws in the system of this kind of marriage, but in the people. Allah, the Exalted, says in the Holy Qur?an that, ?certainly, Allah wrongs not men at all; it is they who wrong their own souls? (10:45). If a person does not follow the teachings of the Holy Qur?an and the example of the Holy Prophet (SAW), but expects to have a perfect married life, he or she is following none but his or her own vain desires. It is almost as if these kinds of people worship themselves, because instead of seeking guidance from Allah and the perfect example of His Prophet, they seek to find ways from their own selves. The Holy Prophet (SAW) arranged marriages, and if the perfect man who brought the perfect religion did so, then it is impossible for it to yield anything but good results. Islam is such a complete religion that if one follows it faithfully they can attain to paradise in this very world, for when one takes God as their True Beloved, the love they show to His creatures is unmatched by any person who is bereft of God in this world.
The Holy Prophet (SAW) is the perfect model for every generation and every age. In our age, a man was able to follow the Holy Prophet (SAW) so completely that Allah graced him with Prophethood. As Ahmadi Muslims, we are very blessed to be following the true teachings of Islam, and our hearts are lit with the joy that comes from the realization that this is that Islam which gave life to the dead in Arabia. The Promised Messiah (AS) has written many directives for ensuring a healthy married life, and all of them have a foundation in fear of God. If a person fears God, then our gracious God will always bless the homes of these married men and women and there will be such peace between them that they will become signs of a living God.
If there are any young people reading this article, and thinking that this might be the case in countries outside the United States, know that this article is written from the perspective of a 22 year-old college student who has lived and grown up in the United States for the past 20 years. Some have told me that this is not Pakistan, but God is not meant to be only in the east; His dominion is over all the worlds and everything in them! We, as Ahmadis, are meant to be the pillars of light in this darkness, for the Promised Messiah (AS) has stated:
Righteousness and ignorance cannot subsist together. True righteousness is accompanied by a light, as God, the Glorious, has said: O Ye who believe, if you become righteous for the sake of Allah He will bestow on you a distinction and will remove from you your vices and will provide you with light in which you will walk (8: 30; 57: 29). This means that those who are steadfast are bestowed a distinction whereby they can be distinguished from others, and that distinction is that they are provided with a light with the help of which they will walk in all the ways of life. That light would illumine all their actions and words and faculties and senses. Their intellect would be illumined and there would be light in all that they utter. There would be light in their eyes and in their ears and in their tongues and in their speech and in all their movements. The ways along which they walk would be lit up. All their ways, the ways of their faculties and their senses will be filled with light, and they will walk altogether in light (Ayenae Kamalate Islam, pp. 178).
May Allah, the Sublime, illumine our hearts with His light so that we can light the path for others to behold His beautiful countenance. May we as Ahmadis, and especially us Ahmadi youth who are the future of this wonderful Jamaat, always tread the path of Taqwa and be able to counter every single one of our opponents (and friends) objections. May Allah always bestow on us the faculty to choose right over wrong. Amen.