Lov'in it in Third Gear (or is it Cruise Control?-)

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Lov'in it in Third Gear (or is it Cruise Control?-)

Granted you don't get married everyday, but then again, this village _does_ have over a Thousand members.

So, the _changed_ question is: Would you make love on the first night OF YOUR MARRIAGE? If so, ain't it rather fast?

I ask because I have always believed in taking my time. Even after my own pseudo-lovingly-arranged marriage, I found that my taking 30 days wasn't enough. (Should be 90 I hear!-) What's more, I find the emotional aspect just as important, if not more so, than the physical attraction. To me it is the distinction between lusting after someone's body and wanting to love their whole person.. which of course includes more than just their body.. (but is this the place to say these things?-) This JE is interestingly morphing as people are adding pieces of themselves to it.. my first interactive JE.. iJ: nice term.. ;*]

In response to those 'normal' people wondering 'why the talk of love', well... lets just say that "some people talk of it when they don't get it"... ;^}

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and for all you guys wanting to wait... i'd be really freakin frustrated with you! but i doubt i'd marry the kind of guy who would want to wait very long (longer than a week). lol. i'm sure he and i will be on the same page and very aware of what we want and when. ;)

if i waited all this freakin time to have sex, then yes, i'd do it on the first night - or soon after. in other words - asap. afterall, i'm assuming i am in love and i AM MARRIED. lol. :) that's one of the big perks!

and no, i do not think it is fast, because i believe in dating and in being friends first... so friends for a bit, dating for a year or so, being engaged for a year... and being in love is a must - so WHY NOT have sex asap after the ring is on?!

Well you could just talk and build bridges... *grin*
*ducking from all the shoes thrown in this general direction*

well i don't know, i agree that you don't have to be too wild but the the wedding night is more important for girls than it is for boys i have heard that they dream about that night if you don't do it you might be ruining her expectations

Wild wants you all (moi too?) not to be too wild.. Hey Wild, we're being accused of being too _slow_ here!! (At least I am.. ;^)

you ppl shouldn't rush because that could ruin your nightlife..for life

90 days? i thought that was the engagement period, wasnt it?

and superman, you waited 30 days? perhaps you were nervous/performance anxiety?

Superman i have not heard it any where this 90 days thing can't be true

Gumdrop nailed it! That's it! I have always thought of this, and is pretty much why I waited 30 (agonizing) days myself. But you know the worst part? I was still rushing it... I mean, I have heard somewhere that you're supposed to wait 90 days, *with a virgin*, as instructed in Islam. 90 days! Has anyone else come across such complete and utter (seeming) blasphemy?-)

I think it depends on the couple. If the couple knew each other before hand and are in love then the wedding night will be a special event and ofcourse they will want to get it on the frsit night if they hav'nt in the past. However, if the couple have an arranged marrige then I'm not sure how comfortable they will be with each other on their frist night being together. I think that would really suck for the girl.

Well i don;t know. When i got maried the excitement was such that i couldn;t wait. although my marriage functions were going on for a week but the marriage night was the most beautifull part of all,

Nope, you wanted to get the secrets of First-Gear Action.. I know, but its okay dude. Aah've been there..

Weeelll.. sexual relations don't _necessarily_ have to be a part of muta'h. I have known of situations where a young man and woman have agreed to Mutah-e-Saghirah (The Lesser Mutah) thich makes them each other's Mehram (the man still has to pay the desired Meh'r to the woman, making her his mehram) and thus they can share each other's company, even in private. But a stipulation of Mutah-e-Saghirah is the fact that the woman's personal space is protected. Almost like you would be with a milk-sister, i.e., she is not required to do hijab from you, but you can never have sexual relations with her. In case of Mutah-e-Saghirah, you cannot have sexual relations unless the mutah is upgraded (by a newer superrogatory agreement) to become the conventional mutah (Mutah-e-Kabira - the Greater Mutah) or by the two engaging in a permanent marriage.. Permanent marriage always superscedes the Mutah.. But that only applies to those who accept the Ja'afri fiqh as one of the two major schools of islamic thought - the Imami school and the Khilafi school. (The conventional sunni schools of thought all qualify under the Khilafi school, which believes in the Khilafat-e-Raashida as divinely decreed. While the Shi'a, and a few others like the Ismaeli's ascribe to the Imami school, which understands the 12 Imams which our esteemed Prophet (S) spoke of and which cannot be explained by any sunni school of thought.)

Mutah is a temporary marriage allowing a couple to have marital interactions, with sex on the top of the list. I believe it is in the Shia sect only.

Hey Ladla, I've posted a question in the sunni-shi'a village, where this question is a little more appropriate. I _have_ taken the initiative to at least answer the question there (i.e., define/describe muta) and ask that any conversation on it be done there, as it would be appropriate place.. rH786, I hope you don't fornicate.. because if you do, then people like us will have to start saying that we fivenicate, or even sixnicate... :P

hey Superman: I am glad you liked my JE Faithful, thanks for the comment, I wrote you back on that JE.

Superman & Staj Your right there are men that are different, I guess I am just having a hard time. -:-

rh786, if you read my comment about Muta, then you ought to know that sleeping with one's girlfriend isn't necessarily 'fornication' or 'zina' for that matter. Of course, there's only a small minority in islam that ascribes to that concept (and even among the shi'a, it is attempted to be shunned.. even though its an original part of islam, but lets not get into that here...) Yet don't you realize that Islam is a religion for the Masses? What would you say to gays who want to be muslim? Would you deny the right to know Allah intimately just because they are (forgive me for being this blunt) sodomizers? I mean, I find that disgusting, but I have learned that you have to live and let live. Even Allah says (right after Aayat-al-Kursi) "There is no compulsion in religion." That important instruction is sadly missed by most (if not all) religious zealots/moral police/wanna be mullahs..

ameen (A)

may all you fornicators burn in hell

holy smokes, such a lot of text !

another question is, if the couple has been sleeping around before marriage, when they finally do get married, is the "first night" all that exciting ?

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Lov'in it in Third Gear (or is it Cruise Control?-)

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Village Journals

Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.