Men are Bizarre, Women Are Heinous

How many of us have come across the much hyped book by John Gray which promises an end to relationship issues/ bickering between couples... and what did you think of it..

A book summary

The book uses the metaphor of men and women coming from different planets to illustrate common conflicts. When men and women 'first met' they had happy relationships because they respected and accepted differences between them. Then they came to Earth and forgot they were from different planets.

The differences between men and women are not understood and can prohibit mutually loving relationships. Men don?t understand what women need and want; women don?t understand what men need and want.

Gray maintains that if we follow his guidelines we will be able to communicate with each other better and get what we want in our relationships.

1. Men are from Mars, women are from Venus

Men and women are very different in the ways they think, respond and behave. Understanding these differences helps relationships. ?We mistakenly assume that if our partners love us they will react and behave in we react and behave when we love someone.?

2. Mr. Fix-It and the Home-Improvement Committee

Women complain that men don't listen but are just looking to provide solutions. Men complain that women are always trying to improve them and the way they do things. Men value power, competence, & achievement. They need to achieve results by themselves. Women should not offer unsolicited advice to men as it would seem critical and unaccepting. Men must listen to women without offering solutions but in order to understand what she is going through.

3. Men go to their caves and women talk

Men deal with stress by retreating to their caves: they become more focused and withdrawn. Women become more overwhelmed. They want to talk about problems.
Men don?t burden others with their problems?they feel that they need to solve them alone. They can lose awareness of everything and everyone around them and become distant, unresponsive, and forgetful. Women resent this but need to have patience.

For women, sharing problems with others is a sign of trust. They openly share their feelings of frustration and hopelessness. Women are not looking for immediate solutions but want to be understood. When women talk about problems, men feel that they are being held responsible. He should not offer explanations or solutions but listen to understand.

4. Speaking different languages

The languages that men and women use have the same words but different and often confusing meanings. Women speak in metaphors and generalizations. If men speak at all, it is very literal and they interpret women in the same literal way.

A man talks only to convey information. A woman talks for many more reasons and complain that men don?t talk. Women should support men in their caves by going off and doing something with their friends. Men should explain why they?re not talking.

5. Discovering our different emotional needs

Women need to receive care, understanding, respect, devotion, validation and reassurance. Men need to receive trust, acceptance, appreciation, admiration, approval, encouragement. The best way to get what we need is by giving our partners what they need.

6. How to avoid arguments

They should be avoided at all costs?negotiate, don?t argue. When a man feels challenged, he focuses on being right and forgets to be loving. He upsets her and invalidates her feelings?usually by trying to solve her problems. We need to accept that our partners aren't perfect.

7. How to communicate difficult feelings

Anger and disappointment need to be expressed in a loving way. Love letters are a good way to release negative emotions in a more loving way.