To not get mad or rude with each other at all is not natural either.. Anger and frustration are perfectly normal healthy emotions too... its how you deal with them and what provokes them.

Sometimes the people you need to be most concerned about are the ones who seem too perfect and are always nice..often they're the ones with the most to hide.

I'm glad someone mentioned neglecting your concerns or belittling them... if you truely care about someone you will always be there for them and not make them feel foolish for opening up to you. If it's bothering you it's needs to be talked about.

i didnt read the comments, but mental abuse can be a lot of things... being controlling, as you said, brainwashing you into believing things are a certain way (when they arent), being difficult about issues just to cause you pain, making you feel guilty for say seeing your family, etc... along with physical abuse does come the mental abuse in that after he/she is abusive, that is on your mind and depending on how you deal with it, some ppl take it on themselves, start to blame themselves, justify the abusive behavior, etc...

Hrao- women can be the worst enemy of the rights of women. I've seen it at work and in the politics of Pak. PpMD- I have a cousin who has all 3 of a kind you listed, but she is not happy with that 'hand' :>(

Sooooooo true ! PPMd you hit the nail on the head.

Some examples:
1) Controlling behaviour: what you can/cannot eat, wear, watch on TV. Who you can/cannot be friends with. Pray according to his guidelines.

2) Secretive: about finances- all locked up at home. No files ever saved on your home computer.

3) Looking for another wife while still married.

I think all these fit the bill, no?

Sorry I have to add that women encourage their sons and brothers to abuse other women like their wives. I belive that women are our worst enamy.

Mental Abuse by legal standards is abuse that scars a person to the point where they can not function their in their normal Routine. But men and their moms are good with that.

most of my friends actually have mostly unhappy marriages. i dont know about looking to get married, it just kind of looks for you. there are many hadith about getting married early and at young age, but i would say make sure you know the person well, and don't be afraid to take your time; this will allow some time for some of his personality to show itself so you can looko for signs - for istance if he has a bad temper, or controlling attitude...etc.

thanks for all ur postings... i am just wondering because I am hoping to start looking to get married and have noticed that some of my friends do not have very happy marriages cos of the above mentioned reasons in my journal... yeah, it does seem like the way I set it up that this particular husband is busy... but I have noticed that they always seem busy like this...

maybe he's just busy....

emotional neglect is also abuse. if your husband or wife does not respond to reasonable emotional needs and uses reasonable need to talk openly and honestly about problems and feelings to guilt you--that's unhealthy.

"What is Mental Abuse?

Mental abuse is the abuse of power or control over another person. Emotional and verbal abuse are used as manipulative tools in mental abuse. When a person is being mentally abused, he also experiences emotional and verbal abuse.

It includes inducing fear by intimidating, terrorizing, threatening, humiliating, insulting, degrading, destroying property, and isolating a person from family and friends. Mental abuse is a horrible thing. Fear is used to control another person.

Sometimes mentally abusive people do not even realize they are hurting their family and loved ones. Other times they say things on purpose as a way of controlling another person by hurting him.

Sadly, many victims of such abuse put up with this maltreatment. It can be seen in the work place, at school and at home. Sometimes it seems that no matter where a person goes, he is always vulnerable to this type of abuse. It even happens when you are just walking about in public.

What are some examples of Mental Abuse?

Some statements made are:

Insult - ?You look like a slut, change your clothes?

Threat -?You better clean up, or else?

Intimidation - ?I am smarter than you are?

Degrading -?You are fat and ugly, no one else would want you?

Isolating a person from friends and/ or family - ?Your friends are losers?
" www.ayn.ca

"One aspect of emotional abuse is that it eventually brainwashes the victim.

THE PROCESS OF BRAINWASHING
(MIND CONTROL)

1. The brainwasher keeps the victim unaware of what is going on and what changes are taking place.

Your partner might control your finances, make plans for you, or not tell you what his plans are until the last minute. He may talk about you to others behind your back, to isolate you from them.

2. The brainwasher controls the victim's time and physical environment, and works to suppress much of the victim's old behavior. The victim is slowly, or abruptly, isolated from all supportive persons except the brainwasher.

Your partner might have insisted that you stop certain social, hobby, or work activities. You might have gotten moved to a new location, farther away from your family and friends. Or you may have been asked (or told) to reduce or stop contact with specific supportive people in your life.

3. The brainwasher creates in the victim a sense of powerlessness, fear, and dependency.

Verbal and emotional abuse creates these emotions, and they become stronger and stronger over time.

4. The brainwasher works to instill new behavior and attitudes in the victim.

Your partner trains to you behave in ways that he wants you to behave. He gradually makes you feel differently about yourself, and erodes your confidence in yourself.

5. The brainwasher puts forth a closed system of logic, and allows no real input or criticism.

In other words -- What he says, goes."

well, i think this is more about emotional abuse to begin with. now i dont know about that particular case you mentioned, that could just be rude husband. but here is something regarding emotional abuse: "Many women assume that if they're not being physically abused by their partner, then they're not being abused. That's not necessarily true. You may be in a relationship which is draining something from you -- you might not have recognized that your partner has eroded your self-esteem and happiness."