Asalamo Alikum Wr WB
This is from one of my old JEs...i just thought my story may help some1 else as well..Together we are in our strive for Jannah and inshaAllah together we will be there:)


**Min aZulumat e illun Nur!!!!**(from the darkness to the light)

Bismillah-AR-AR

I am from a family where religion is always given first thought. However, when I grew up, I started feeling something lacking? I felt a flavor in missing this dish of faith.. I read a lot of literature on how Islam changes life, but unfortunately this spark was missing in my prayers. It was like I used to pray and love Allah "all out of duty"?because I was told to ...This caused guilt and anxiety and I was mentally restless?

One day I was reading a book about the life stories of Sufis.. and i thought.. ?Why did these people found such a great sense of relief by just bowing there heads?? Why were their prayers full of kafiyat while mine are jus a routine work??? I pray the way Allah?s Apostle(saw) ordered, on the times prescribed, and change nothing?then why are my prayers not influencing my life?? Or as a matter of fact of many others?why are we just ?Momin By words not acts?.. with shallow thoughts and shameful characters?? Why is Islam no more ?effective???? is something missing????

I had loads of such like questions in my mind.. some where answered and some not?

This anxiety and sense of dissatisfaction was driving me crazy. I was looking for ?peace of mind??and indeed, all of us search that. People tried music, drinking, dancing, yoga ?and loads of other means to find this precious wealth ?the peace of mind?.. so in short I had everything but peace of mind?

My moral upbringing was strong enough to stop me from falling in wrong queues, otherwise I was an easy prey? Shaitan was not leaving me alone.. I started having waswasaas like ?I will die on kufr?.. ?I am cursed?.. ?Allah don?t love me thats why my Ibadaats are not the way they should be?? I envied those who found satisfaction in Islam. I was trailing far behind....

So one day I sat on my praying matt and I said ?Lord is this prayer a punishment for me?? I also want to ?FEEL? your presence, feel you close by, feel your love. I also want to be in love with you?deep, true, mad love?but the more I try the more I get far away.. are you really angry with me on something.. am I destined to die with never ever having a taste of this love-wine????in this guilt ride I cried.. and the Lord answered?


Next day v had a religious scholar at our place.. i was talking to him and I liked his philosophical approach towards religion. So I decided to ask him? I put it something like this::

?Uncle.. if someone comes to you and asks you how to pray.. you can easily explain to him the ritual.. if someone comes and asks why should we pray, that?s answerable as well?however what will you do if some1 come to you and say that I know how to pray, I know praying is compulsory, I know its importance and consequences involved with not praying.. i know everything there is to know about salah?but I don?t want to pray..i don?t like fasting, I don?t enjoy being a Muslim????(astaghfirullah)

I was expecting him to reply like most mulvies do.. ? I will declare him a kafir, an infidel, a cursed, shallow being? but No..He was smiling?so I continued?

?why don?t Allah wants us to enjoy,.. everything that is fabulous and entertaining is banned.. why for??


And at this he said .. ?Islam is a collection of taleemat (Teachings) and Barakaat(Feelings)..The anxiety you have occurs because we often hold to jus taleemat and don?t strive to get Barakaat?..i asked him and he told me more?

The diagnosed disease was a sick heart;a none remembering heart.. ?A heart that remembers and a heart that do not remembers is like a living and a dead? (Hadith)?


and the prescribed medicine was tasawaf?


I thought of giving it a try? I started learning spiritualism and it answered all my questions before I even asked.. Allah?s Rehmat is still bestowed on us.. How can you say ESPN is not telecasting cricket match when you have your TV tuned to StarWorld ??. Heart is the receiver of Barakaat.. it needs constant cleaning and maintenance?tazkiya is claimed in Quran as one of the tasks of Prophet(SAW) and this ?tazkiya? is the base of sufism?


So this is how my journey in the world of spiritualism started...My First Day as a student of Spritualism is still fresh in my mind I don?t remember when my shawl covered my head.. but I do remember that i had it that why when I left and since then my head is always covered. My hijab became the symbol I wore around; badge of my identity. I am not claiming that all my Salah started having feelings afterwards but I do have some sajidah that are the achievement of my life.. I read Quran and I felt like Allah talking to me. Me, the person who was searching an escape from five prayers, started getting up for tahajud.. no one asked me to do anything?after the first meeting, my flying lesson was over.. i was just to follow the orders.. And I felt my self changing..

I experience a love for Allah and understanding of Islam that I never had before. Me, who was always engulfed in self praise, who thought of nothing outside my own little world , was shifting silently from individual mode to a collective concern mode.. my soul started its journey towards peace and tranquility?

I read ?kashaf Al majub?, ?Dalailas Saluk? ?Tasawaf and Character building? and many other books on the subject? and till this day I ask lots of questions.. but now I never ever have a question unanswered.. tasawaf changed my perspective about life.. I was a pessimistic person, who thought life is not even worth living.. and now I find myself in the lights.. My outlook changed, my insight brightened and I found the peace I was looking for..

i still have a long way to go.. I am not a sufi, salik or Abid.. however I do have a few moments in my backpack that are worth my whole life.. moments that I believe are gems..

This was how I returned ?min Azulumat illan Nur?(from darkness to the light)?



?O you who believe ! Fear Allah as He should be feared and die not except in a state of Islam with complete submission to Allah. And hold fast, all of
you together, to the rope of Allah (i.e. Quran), and be not divided among yourselves; and remember with gratitude Allah's favors on you; for you were enemies and He joined your hearts in love, so that by His Grace you became brothers; and you were on the brink of the pit of fire, and He saved you from it. Thus Allah make His signs clear to you that you may be guided."


Allah HoAkbar!!!

May Allah (SWT) bless us all, May we be guided to the right path and may we all be blessed with insight(amen)

Your Sister,
SG