Dear xxxx,
I don't understand what happened. I never have understood alot of things between us. At one point, we're the best of friends...at another point, you tell me that you're influencing me too much and need to back off. You have to know that I care about you, more than friends. You have to know that it's borderline...well, you know. I sit there hours and hours on end, hearing you talk about her. And all i do is listen. Why are you still thinking about her? She's gone. She left. She's married. But I am here. I'm not married. and I make you happy. I make you smile and laugh and be carefree, but the moment I step away, she's back. I know what you go through, because I go through it with you too. Every tear, every sob, every lonely night...I wish you had understood me better. I'm alot like you. What you thought about after your breakup, I've been thinking since the 7th grade. Women just mask it better. You chose 30, I chose 40. Both being greedy decisions, but nonetheless, the same decision. I chose 40 because I want to experience things. I want to experience love, hate, happiness, sadness. I want to get married and have children. I want to experience all that. The greedy part about that was that I wasn't going to experience that alone...I'd be leaving people. Your greedy part was that before you could experience it, you would be. You wouldn't give people a chance to make you happy. You wouldn't be giving yourself a chance to be happy. It's like you don't want to be happy. You never influenced me about that. I decided that long before I knew you, before I knew who you were. I thought I wanted to experience it with you. I actually sat on my bed and told myself...I want to be the one to tell him that he's going to be a father. Then I realized what I said...Needless to say, I was in shock...
It makes me sad to know that you don't want to love again. It's such a wonderful feeling. Always at your happy place, smiling away...Always thinking about the other person, wondering what they're doing, wondering if they're thinking about you...wanting to always keep them happy..I can't fully describe the feeling, but it's amazing. and you don't want it. You told me that when you're with me, you forget about her, on the other hand, you don't want to be with me because of her. Why do you put yourself through that? Haven't you spent enough nights crying yourself to sleep? Don't you want to not feel that pain anymore, like I do...All i want to do is fix everything for you, but you don't want me to.
You've pushed me away again...with another excuse. Yet, I keep wanting to come back. I don't know what to do...well, I know what to do, I just don't know how to do it. We'll just leave this as it is, right now. Like we always do...i'll always be there for you...
jaise aap Devdas, woh Paro, aur mein...baas ek chandramukhi.
----------------------------------- --------