Village Journals
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Oppression
Oppression
Shariffa Carlo
The other day, I was giving a class, and we were discussing the hadith:
Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will grasp the whole (planet of) earth (by His Hand) and shall roll up the heaven with His right Hand and say, 'I am the King. Where are the kings of the earth?'" Sahih Bukhari vol 9: Hadith 479.
This led to a discussion about the responsibility that comes with power, and the hadith,
Narrated 'Abdullah, Allah's Apostle said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them; a slave ('Abu) is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 46, Number 730.
Allah has given us each a responsibility. We are all shepherds over our flocks, rulers over our kingdoms, kings and queens over our domain. But with the power comes an awesome responsibility. We are very responsible for our actions and those under our care.
Unfortunately, some of us take this responsibility too lightly. Men: You have been given reign over the women in your lives, your wives. You have been given reign over the children you procreate. You have even been given reign over your ailing parents. What are you doing with this power? Remember that on the day of Judgement you will be asked about this.
I know a family, the wife was a sweet young girl. She married at a young age, and she was a decent Muslim sister. She tried her best to be a good wife. Unfortunately, her husband understood the hadith which states that a woman can go out for her needs to mean that unless it was an absolute necessity, the woman should never leave her home. He did not allow her out of her house for months at a time. Once, he took off to another country for a few months. The community assumed she had gone with him, because she disappeared at the same time. While she had occasionally come to the mosque before for certain classes, now, she was no longer coming. She even did not call people. Then, we learned that this woman was still among us. Her husband had forbidden her contact with anyone. She was forbidden to step a foot out the door, and her brother - in - law would bring her groceries and leave them outside her door. According to her husband's understanding, she had food, shelter, water etc... so she had no need to go out. This was one of many such times when he kept her from any outside human contact. Since she wanted to be a good Muslim wife, she did her best to be obedient. What was the result. Nott too long ago, this poor, sweet girl went crazy. She was wandering in the street crying out, "Allah, Allah." She ended up under professional care.
You see, this brother's interpretation had led him to oppress and imprison a young girl. He felt her needs were only physical. He did not take into account the need to socialize, to be with people. This is a need as well. He did not take into account a need to learn or a need to just relax with friends. Brothers, Allah will ask you about your wives and your families. Are you fulfilling their needs or are you being oppressive? I know this is an extreme case, but it illustrates a problem in our ummah. Men are keeping their wives and daughters from being normal active members of society. This is a need and preventing it is oppression. Others take this same stance on a smaller scale, and I beg you to be careful, because the line is very fine. If a sister wants to do something which is neither dangerous, nor haram, nor a fitna, she should be allowed to fulfill her needs within limits. Remember brothers, yo are over her a degree, but with that degree comes a need for wisdom and mercy. The Best among you to his family was RasoolAllah. Look at his wives. Look to Aisha, she was a doctor, a scholar, a scientist. She taught and gave fatwas. She was present in wars and battles. She was a woman of action while being a woman of virtue. Look to this as the best example. And remember that oppression is a sin that we must avoid at all costs because it carries such strong consequences.
Allah says,
Say: My Lord forbiddeth only indecencies, such of them as are apparent and such as are within, and sin and wrongful oppression, and that ye associate with Allah that for which no warrant hath been revealed, and that ye tell concerning Allah that which ye know not. 7:33
And Allah says,
The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress mankind, and wrongfully rebel in the earth. For such there is a painful doom. 42:42
The Prophet also warned about oppression against others. Especially against Muslims.
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection . " Sahih Bukahri: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 622.
And
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection . " Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 622.
This said, let me not forget the sisters. You can be just as oppressive. You can keep your children from their basic needs, or you oppress your husbands. How can a woman oppress a man? One day, I was reading on the internet. There was a site where a woman was speaking against polygyny. She advocated using the children as pawns against men who took second wives. This usage of children against a man is oppression. What about using other things against him or our children. We bring up past mistakes and harp on them, or we use emotions to blackmail them into doing what we want them to do. We have many ways to oppress a man. About our children. I know a man who came to the masjid, asking for advice. He was a student with a scholarship from his country. He had an adequate income, and was of a reasonably mature age. He complained that he was having a hard time fighting the temptations of this society. He called his parents, and tried to get permission to either marry or transfer to a school back home. His parents, feeling that an American education was essential refused both requests. Believe it or not - his mom even went so far as to advise her son that he should take a girlfriend, authu billah! He wanted to know if under the circumstances it was halal to marry. This is a kind of oppression. This man wanted to do the halal, the best, but his parents, to whom he was bound, did not feel that this was important. It need not be this strong. We need to be wise in our judgement when dealing with our children. Like I advised the men, I advise the women. When it comes to your kids, so long as it is not haram, dangerous or leading to fitnah, let your children have a modicum of freedom. The limits of Allah are wide. We must protect them, and part of protecting them is arming them with the tools to live in this society if that is what Allah has ordained for them.
At any rate, oppression of any type is haram, and we have to guard for it. We especially have to be aware of the consequences. Do we know that the quickest dua responded to is the dua of the oppressed?
Allah Says,
And We desired to show favour unto those who were oppressed in the earth, and to make them examples and to make them the inheritors. 28:5
And the Prophet warned:
Narrated Abu Ma'bad, that the Prophet said, "... and be afraid of the curse of an oppressed person because there is no screen between his invocation and Allah." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 2, Book 24, Number 573.
And
Narrated Abu Bakrah: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: There is no sin more fitted to have punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of relationship. Sahih Muslim: Book 41, Number 4884:
This is a warning to the oppressor, and an assurance to the oppressed. How? Well, In this verse and hadith , Allah grants respite to the oppressed in the form of blessings and extra attention to the dua. I am again reminded of a personal experience of a friend. This lady's father died when she was quite young. Her father was due the inheritance of some land upon the death of his father. When the man died, the father gave all of the land to his other son, leaving his dead son's children without an inheritance. The mother of the children was besides herself. Without this land, which they had been living on and living from, she and her children would be in a dire position. She had no recourses to get the rights of her children, so she turned to the Only One who could help her. She turned to Allah. She begged Allah to return to her her children's rights. A few days later, completely unexpectedly, the second son of this man died. Allah knows Best if this was the answer to her dua, but the land was returned to her and her children as a result. The woman never meant harm to anyone, but Allah is the Most Just, and His Judgement is the Most Fair.
So we must beware of this dua - the dua of the oppressed, and we must take heart from knowing that when someone oppresses us, the answer is not to retaliate with more haram, but to rely on Allah. Many sisters complain to me about the oppression they suffer at the hands of their husbands. Many times, they either can not leave the man, so they are forced to continue suffering. My advice to them is to never forget the power of the dua, and to remember that Allah Hears them and knows of their case. Also, I must remind them that two wrongs do not make a right. A prime example is when a woman is forced to perform a task that she considers demeaning, but which is not haram for the man to ask for. I remember a speech by Muhammad Sayd Adly. He was talking about obedience to the husband. He said, "Sister, we did not fall from heaven. We are only men. If your husband tells you to do something, do it. If he says stand on your head. Allah knows why he wants you to do this, but he tells you to do it to please him. Sister, if you can stand on your head , then do it. Your reward is from Allah." Sisters, I add to this, if you consider it oppressive, do it anyway, as long as it is not haram, and appeal to your Lord to remove this burden from you. Appeal to Allah to change his heart. Appeal to Allah for relief. And remember that this oppression is the deed of the man for which he must pay. Never blame Allah for it.
Allah says,
Then there are among men such as say, "We believe in Allah"; but when they suffer affliction in (the cause of) Allah, they treat men's oppression as if it were the Wrath of Allah! And if help comes (to thee) from thy Lord, they are sure to say, "We have (always) been with you!" Does not Allah know best all that is in the hearts of all creation? 29:10
What more can we do? We can help those whom we know are doing wrong. Too many times I hear a sister complain that she is suffering from her husband. (You will notice I use the example of the sister being oppressed more so than I do the brother, the reason is that the woman is more likely to suffer from oppression because of her nature and her responsibilities). Even, she may be suffering from being beaten by her husband. When the sister goes to the masjid for help, too often she is told to be patient, or she may not even be believed. Brothers, you have an upper hand over women. You also have a way to help your sister, and this is your responsibility. If you accept for this woman to continue suffering because you do not want to involve yourself, you are helping the oppressor to oppress her. If we know of a situation where a Muslim is being oppressed we have to help the oppressed and the oppressor.
Narrated Anas: Allah's Apostle said, "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, "O Allah's Apostle! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet said, "By preventing him from oppressing others." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 624.
And
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection ." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 622.
We have to be careful with the power that Allah gives to us. We have to help one another. We can not let a brother or sister remain oppressed, if we have any power to help. What kind of ummah do we have if we stop caring for each other, if we stop watching out for each other, if we stop protecting each other?
I leave you all with the following hadiths:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him. Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 629.
And
Narrated Abu Musa: Allah's Apostle said, "Allah gives respite to the oppressor, but when He takes him over, He never releases him." Then he recited, "Such is the seizure of your Lord when He seizes (population of) towns in the midst of their wrong: Painful indeed, and severe is His seizure.' (11.102) Sahih Bukhari: Volume 6, Book 60, Number 208.
And I give you the following warnings, heart softening words and duas:Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "(The Prophet) Abraham migrated with his wife Sarah till he reached a town where there was a king or a tyrant who sent a message, to Abraham, ordering him to send Sarah to him. So when Abraham had sent Sarah, the tyrant got up, intending to do evil with her, but she got up and performed ablution and prayed and said, 'O Allah ! If I have believed in You and in Your Apostle, then do not empower this oppressor over me.' So he (the king) had an epileptic fit and started moving his legs violently. " Sahih Bukhari: Volume 9, Book 85, Number 82.
And
Narrated Abu Dharr: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) stated that Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said: My servants, I have made oppression unlawful for Me and unlawful for you, so do not commit oppression against one another. My servants, all of you are liable to err except one whom I guide on the right path, so seek right guidance from Me so that I may direct you to the right path. O My servants, all of you are hungry (need) except the one whom I feed, so beg food from Me, so that I may give it to you. O My servants, all of you are naked (need clothes) except the one whom I provide with garments, so beg clothes from Me, so that I may clothe you. O My servants, you commit error night and day and I am there to pardon your sins, so beg pardon from Me so that I may grant you pardon.
O My servants, even if the first amongst you, the last amongst you, even if the whole of the human race, and that of the Jinns, become (equally) God-conscious like the heart of a single person amongst you, nothing will add to My Power. O My servants, even if the first amongst you, the last amongst you, the whole human race, and that of the Jinns too become in unison the most wicked (all beating) like the heart of a single person, it will cause no loss of My Power. O My servants, even if the first amongst you, the last amongst you, the whole human race, and that of Jinns also, all stand in one place and you ask Me and I confer upon every person what he asks for, it will not in any way cause any loss to Me (even less) than that which is caused to the ocean by dipping a needle in it.
My servants, these deeds of yours, which I am recording for you, I shall reward you for them. So he who finds good should praise Allah and he who does not find it should not blame anyone but himself. Sa'id said that when AbuIdris Khawlani narrated this hadith he knelt down. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6246.
May Allah Protect us all from oppression as oppressors and as the oppressed. Ameen.
Shariffa Carlo
The other day, I was giving a class, and we were discussing the hadith:
Abu Huraira narrated that the Prophet said, "On the Day of Resurrection, Allah will grasp the whole (planet of) earth (by His Hand) and shall roll up the heaven with His right Hand and say, 'I am the King. Where are the kings of the earth?'" Sahih Bukhari vol 9: Hadith 479.
This led to a discussion about the responsibility that comes with power, and the hadith,
Narrated 'Abdullah, Allah's Apostle said, "Everyone of you is a guardian and is responsible for his charges. The ruler who has authority over people, is a guardian and is responsible for them, a man is a guardian of his family and is responsible for them; a woman is a guardian of her husband's house and children and is responsible for them; a slave ('Abu) is a guardian of his master's property and is responsible for it; so all of you are guardians and are responsible for your charges." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 46, Number 730.
Allah has given us each a responsibility. We are all shepherds over our flocks, rulers over our kingdoms, kings and queens over our domain. But with the power comes an awesome responsibility. We are very responsible for our actions and those under our care.
Unfortunately, some of us take this responsibility too lightly. Men: You have been given reign over the women in your lives, your wives. You have been given reign over the children you procreate. You have even been given reign over your ailing parents. What are you doing with this power? Remember that on the day of Judgement you will be asked about this.
I know a family, the wife was a sweet young girl. She married at a young age, and she was a decent Muslim sister. She tried her best to be a good wife. Unfortunately, her husband understood the hadith which states that a woman can go out for her needs to mean that unless it was an absolute necessity, the woman should never leave her home. He did not allow her out of her house for months at a time. Once, he took off to another country for a few months. The community assumed she had gone with him, because she disappeared at the same time. While she had occasionally come to the mosque before for certain classes, now, she was no longer coming. She even did not call people. Then, we learned that this woman was still among us. Her husband had forbidden her contact with anyone. She was forbidden to step a foot out the door, and her brother - in - law would bring her groceries and leave them outside her door. According to her husband's understanding, she had food, shelter, water etc... so she had no need to go out. This was one of many such times when he kept her from any outside human contact. Since she wanted to be a good Muslim wife, she did her best to be obedient. What was the result. Nott too long ago, this poor, sweet girl went crazy. She was wandering in the street crying out, "Allah, Allah." She ended up under professional care.
You see, this brother's interpretation had led him to oppress and imprison a young girl. He felt her needs were only physical. He did not take into account the need to socialize, to be with people. This is a need as well. He did not take into account a need to learn or a need to just relax with friends. Brothers, Allah will ask you about your wives and your families. Are you fulfilling their needs or are you being oppressive? I know this is an extreme case, but it illustrates a problem in our ummah. Men are keeping their wives and daughters from being normal active members of society. This is a need and preventing it is oppression. Others take this same stance on a smaller scale, and I beg you to be careful, because the line is very fine. If a sister wants to do something which is neither dangerous, nor haram, nor a fitna, she should be allowed to fulfill her needs within limits. Remember brothers, yo are over her a degree, but with that degree comes a need for wisdom and mercy. The Best among you to his family was RasoolAllah. Look at his wives. Look to Aisha, she was a doctor, a scholar, a scientist. She taught and gave fatwas. She was present in wars and battles. She was a woman of action while being a woman of virtue. Look to this as the best example. And remember that oppression is a sin that we must avoid at all costs because it carries such strong consequences.
Allah says,
Say: My Lord forbiddeth only indecencies, such of them as are apparent and such as are within, and sin and wrongful oppression, and that ye associate with Allah that for which no warrant hath been revealed, and that ye tell concerning Allah that which ye know not. 7:33
And Allah says,
The way (of blame) is only against those who oppress mankind, and wrongfully rebel in the earth. For such there is a painful doom. 42:42
The Prophet also warned about oppression against others. Especially against Muslims.
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection . " Sahih Bukahri: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 622.
And
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection . " Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 622.
This said, let me not forget the sisters. You can be just as oppressive. You can keep your children from their basic needs, or you oppress your husbands. How can a woman oppress a man? One day, I was reading on the internet. There was a site where a woman was speaking against polygyny. She advocated using the children as pawns against men who took second wives. This usage of children against a man is oppression. What about using other things against him or our children. We bring up past mistakes and harp on them, or we use emotions to blackmail them into doing what we want them to do. We have many ways to oppress a man. About our children. I know a man who came to the masjid, asking for advice. He was a student with a scholarship from his country. He had an adequate income, and was of a reasonably mature age. He complained that he was having a hard time fighting the temptations of this society. He called his parents, and tried to get permission to either marry or transfer to a school back home. His parents, feeling that an American education was essential refused both requests. Believe it or not - his mom even went so far as to advise her son that he should take a girlfriend, authu billah! He wanted to know if under the circumstances it was halal to marry. This is a kind of oppression. This man wanted to do the halal, the best, but his parents, to whom he was bound, did not feel that this was important. It need not be this strong. We need to be wise in our judgement when dealing with our children. Like I advised the men, I advise the women. When it comes to your kids, so long as it is not haram, dangerous or leading to fitnah, let your children have a modicum of freedom. The limits of Allah are wide. We must protect them, and part of protecting them is arming them with the tools to live in this society if that is what Allah has ordained for them.
At any rate, oppression of any type is haram, and we have to guard for it. We especially have to be aware of the consequences. Do we know that the quickest dua responded to is the dua of the oppressed?
Allah Says,
And We desired to show favour unto those who were oppressed in the earth, and to make them examples and to make them the inheritors. 28:5
And the Prophet warned:
Narrated Abu Ma'bad, that the Prophet said, "... and be afraid of the curse of an oppressed person because there is no screen between his invocation and Allah." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 2, Book 24, Number 573.
And
Narrated Abu Bakrah: The Prophet (peace_be_upon_him) said: There is no sin more fitted to have punishment meted out by Allah to its perpetrator in advance in this world along with what He stores up for him in the next world than oppression and severing ties of relationship. Sahih Muslim: Book 41, Number 4884:
This is a warning to the oppressor, and an assurance to the oppressed. How? Well, In this verse and hadith , Allah grants respite to the oppressed in the form of blessings and extra attention to the dua. I am again reminded of a personal experience of a friend. This lady's father died when she was quite young. Her father was due the inheritance of some land upon the death of his father. When the man died, the father gave all of the land to his other son, leaving his dead son's children without an inheritance. The mother of the children was besides herself. Without this land, which they had been living on and living from, she and her children would be in a dire position. She had no recourses to get the rights of her children, so she turned to the Only One who could help her. She turned to Allah. She begged Allah to return to her her children's rights. A few days later, completely unexpectedly, the second son of this man died. Allah knows Best if this was the answer to her dua, but the land was returned to her and her children as a result. The woman never meant harm to anyone, but Allah is the Most Just, and His Judgement is the Most Fair.
So we must beware of this dua - the dua of the oppressed, and we must take heart from knowing that when someone oppresses us, the answer is not to retaliate with more haram, but to rely on Allah. Many sisters complain to me about the oppression they suffer at the hands of their husbands. Many times, they either can not leave the man, so they are forced to continue suffering. My advice to them is to never forget the power of the dua, and to remember that Allah Hears them and knows of their case. Also, I must remind them that two wrongs do not make a right. A prime example is when a woman is forced to perform a task that she considers demeaning, but which is not haram for the man to ask for. I remember a speech by Muhammad Sayd Adly. He was talking about obedience to the husband. He said, "Sister, we did not fall from heaven. We are only men. If your husband tells you to do something, do it. If he says stand on your head. Allah knows why he wants you to do this, but he tells you to do it to please him. Sister, if you can stand on your head , then do it. Your reward is from Allah." Sisters, I add to this, if you consider it oppressive, do it anyway, as long as it is not haram, and appeal to your Lord to remove this burden from you. Appeal to Allah to change his heart. Appeal to Allah for relief. And remember that this oppression is the deed of the man for which he must pay. Never blame Allah for it.
Allah says,
Then there are among men such as say, "We believe in Allah"; but when they suffer affliction in (the cause of) Allah, they treat men's oppression as if it were the Wrath of Allah! And if help comes (to thee) from thy Lord, they are sure to say, "We have (always) been with you!" Does not Allah know best all that is in the hearts of all creation? 29:10
What more can we do? We can help those whom we know are doing wrong. Too many times I hear a sister complain that she is suffering from her husband. (You will notice I use the example of the sister being oppressed more so than I do the brother, the reason is that the woman is more likely to suffer from oppression because of her nature and her responsibilities). Even, she may be suffering from being beaten by her husband. When the sister goes to the masjid for help, too often she is told to be patient, or she may not even be believed. Brothers, you have an upper hand over women. You also have a way to help your sister, and this is your responsibility. If you accept for this woman to continue suffering because you do not want to involve yourself, you are helping the oppressor to oppress her. If we know of a situation where a Muslim is being oppressed we have to help the oppressed and the oppressor.
Narrated Anas: Allah's Apostle said, "Help your brother, whether he is an oppressor or he is an oppressed one. People asked, "O Allah's Apostle! It is all right to help him if he is oppressed, but how should we help him if he is an oppressor?" The Prophet said, "By preventing him from oppressing others." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 624.
And
Narrated 'Abdullah bin Umar: Allah's Apostle said, "A Muslim is a brother of another Muslim, so he should not oppress him, nor should he hand him over to an oppressor. Whoever fulfilled the needs of his brother, Allah will fulfill his needs; whoever brought his (Muslim) brother out of a discomfort, Allah will bring him out of the discomforts of the Day of Resurrection, and whoever screened a Muslim, Allah will screen him on the Day of Resurrection ." Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 622.
We have to be careful with the power that Allah gives to us. We have to help one another. We can not let a brother or sister remain oppressed, if we have any power to help. What kind of ummah do we have if we stop caring for each other, if we stop watching out for each other, if we stop protecting each other?
I leave you all with the following hadiths:
Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "Whoever has oppressed another person concerning his reputation or anything else, he should beg him to forgive him before the Day of Resurrection when there will be no money (to compensate for wrong deeds), but if he has good deeds, those good deeds will be taken from him according to his oppression which he has done, and if he has no good deeds, the sins of the oppressed person will be loaded on him. Sahih Bukhari: Volume 3, Book 43, Number 629.
And
Narrated Abu Musa: Allah's Apostle said, "Allah gives respite to the oppressor, but when He takes him over, He never releases him." Then he recited, "Such is the seizure of your Lord when He seizes (population of) towns in the midst of their wrong: Painful indeed, and severe is His seizure.' (11.102) Sahih Bukhari: Volume 6, Book 60, Number 208.
And I give you the following warnings, heart softening words and duas:Narrated Abu Huraira: Allah's Apostle said, "(The Prophet) Abraham migrated with his wife Sarah till he reached a town where there was a king or a tyrant who sent a message, to Abraham, ordering him to send Sarah to him. So when Abraham had sent Sarah, the tyrant got up, intending to do evil with her, but she got up and performed ablution and prayed and said, 'O Allah ! If I have believed in You and in Your Apostle, then do not empower this oppressor over me.' So he (the king) had an epileptic fit and started moving his legs violently. " Sahih Bukhari: Volume 9, Book 85, Number 82.
And
Narrated Abu Dharr: Allah's Apostle (peace_be_upon_him) stated that Allah, the Exalted and Glorious, said: My servants, I have made oppression unlawful for Me and unlawful for you, so do not commit oppression against one another. My servants, all of you are liable to err except one whom I guide on the right path, so seek right guidance from Me so that I may direct you to the right path. O My servants, all of you are hungry (need) except the one whom I feed, so beg food from Me, so that I may give it to you. O My servants, all of you are naked (need clothes) except the one whom I provide with garments, so beg clothes from Me, so that I may clothe you. O My servants, you commit error night and day and I am there to pardon your sins, so beg pardon from Me so that I may grant you pardon.
O My servants, even if the first amongst you, the last amongst you, even if the whole of the human race, and that of the Jinns, become (equally) God-conscious like the heart of a single person amongst you, nothing will add to My Power. O My servants, even if the first amongst you, the last amongst you, the whole human race, and that of the Jinns too become in unison the most wicked (all beating) like the heart of a single person, it will cause no loss of My Power. O My servants, even if the first amongst you, the last amongst you, the whole human race, and that of Jinns also, all stand in one place and you ask Me and I confer upon every person what he asks for, it will not in any way cause any loss to Me (even less) than that which is caused to the ocean by dipping a needle in it.
My servants, these deeds of yours, which I am recording for you, I shall reward you for them. So he who finds good should praise Allah and he who does not find it should not blame anyone but himself. Sa'id said that when AbuIdris Khawlani narrated this hadith he knelt down. Sahih Muslim: Book 31, Number 6246.
May Allah Protect us all from oppression as oppressors and as the oppressed. Ameen.
Comments on this journal
Yet, on the other hand, there are places and countries where the woman and boy do not see each other until they are married. They might see a photo and that's it.
If the girl is lucky she'll get to talk on the phone a few times. You can't tell if you're sexually attracted to someone that way!!
I think the same can be said in the west though. One can spend all day contemplating which is better but I dont think either one is better. I think it is a case by case scenerio.
As for marying a stranger, well, it is not totally a stranger. you do of course meet the guy at least once, possibly twice. Aside from that, depending on the custom of the family/country, you can talk on the phone during the "engagement" period (which does not last as long as ours). The real big difference is that thre is no dating in the middle east per se because that is strictly a western thing. (and many believe it is haram in Islam).
So it all sounds kind of thrown together to us westerners who have limited exposure in real life to the idea. But in the end, I have heard that the marriages last longer and they are more suited for each other if love does not bloom right away, it grows. I guess that does make sense. Because our version of "love" is based strictly on emotions and less on logic. And it seems that if done right, arranged marriages can ahve more logic based love than the emotional butterfly in your tummy kind.
Initially tyough, I have come to the conclusion that if done right (meaning the laws of Islam are applied first and foremost) anything can work. If both people respect each other in full by what the Koran says, then that and only that will make the true love bloom into what would be known as "true love".
As soon as the dull everyday routine hits, suddenly that love the couple thought they had dies a slow painful hard death until the two resent each other for not keeping each other happy any longer.
In some cases, people too immature to make a decision get married, or whatever else is the case.
I think a split between the two: love and arranged, would be the best idea.
I like the concept of having the parents help pick someone, yet I don't like the idea of marrying a stranger. No one should be laying in bed on her wedding night about to be legally-permitted to be sundered of her virginity by a stranger. It's too horrible to contemplate.
Mine was painful enough when I lost "it" and I would HATE to think some stranger I didn't choose or want was the one who would have done it. Then to imagine the next few days - let alone a lifetime - spent living side by side with that man. I'd want a child of course because I'd want someone to love and be loved in return.
You ever notice how arranged marriages after the children are born seem to forget they're married?
Are you still single and looking? Or single and not looking for that matter?
I ask because I know someone who has trusted me with privileged information that he might perhaps potentially maybe sort-of kind-of possibly perchance be interested in you; if you'd like to talk to him I could introduce you. Lol...
I did get it at Barnes & Noble - on sale, too. (hanging head in shame) I thought it'd be interesting to read since it was about an arranged marriage and from my favorite part of the world (even though she's Bengali, she was born in Pakistan - the character I mean).
I'm just glad I was here first and have met Indians, etc, or I'd have had a very negative view of the entire subject.
I know not all arranged marriages are good ones. And I know there is a prejudice against love marriages in that part of the world, but...I don't know.
I thought the author was foreign though. Her last name is Ali. I figured it'd have been less 1-sided than it is. Granted it's about this particular woman's arranged marriage.
She ends up falling in love though! So I will wait until the end of the book until I form my complete opinion, but right now...(sigh)! It's not what I thought it'd be.
Actually I take that back on one occassion last year when I saw a travel book on Iraq. I got that and I did not know if it would be written by anyone who was pro war, anti war, pro iraqi, anti iraqi or what. I bought it because at the time the USA had obviously invaded Iraq and was/is still in the process of destroying everything in sight so I thought it would be a good keepsake someday since I'll never get to see those historical sites in their true beauty:(
But once I started reading that book, I realized it was written by British people who were oposed to war. It was actually writen in the late 90's when the Iraqis were still under sanctions and it told not only about the history and travel, but it got pretty personal with the Iraqis too.
Anyways, off on a tangent as usual....:)
It's all just very backward. I don't understand why. It's one thing to give a view of what it's like in the villages, but there ought to be SOMETHING to give the notion that it's not ALL like that.
It's an interesting book because things like this do happen, but at the same time it doesn't give the impression at ALL that there are Muslims and desis who are quite different altogether from this type of character portrayal.
Do you know what I mean??? I'm a bit disappointed right now 'cause it's not even a true story. If there's an address in the back I'm going to write to her when I finish it.
However this character's sister married for love - ran away and all - and then ran away from her husband because allegedly he beat her all the time.
It doesn't give a very good view of Muslims, at all.
It sounds really good, but we all know books can sound good then tank big time. ha, ha!