Our Desi FOB Kin

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I saw the flick, "Maryam" a few weeks ago and was blown away by how nicely a Persian, teenage girl treated her FOB, fundamentalist cousin. It made me question whether Desi's are harder on their FOB kin than other ethnicities. While it may be true, that FOB's from other ethnicities seem to be quicker to assimilate than the Desi one's, are we justified in holding it against them? Doesn't the adaptability factor have to do w/ the economy, literacy rates, and culture of the country an immigrant emigrates from?

It seems to me that Desi immigrants, b/c they emigrated from a poorer country, are not as exposed to Western clothing and culture through media, trade, etc. in comparison to other nationalities, which makes adjustment harder for them. I would think that in light of this explanation, Desi?s in the West should be more understanding and patient w/ their FOB kin. Yet, I see Desi-Americans, feel embarrassed by their immigrant cousins, and consequently isolating them from their social circles, which makes assimilation even harder for them. It seems to be a Catch-22.

Are Arabs or other nationalities just as hard on their FOB?s as we are? Can the same be said about how Desi?s treat their immigrant relatives in other countries like the UK, Canada, Australia?

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This one FOB guy that I know actually laughs at me when he hears me speak in Urdu. He laughs at my "American" accent that I have when I speak in Urdu. That actually gets on my nerves. I don't see what is so amusing about it. He is actually uneducated and a bit ignorant, to be honest.

ERTW, some parents are in fact ignorant enough where they gloat with pride that their kids are so Westernized that they don't eat ethnic foods or watch certain movies, etc. However, I do think that some of the superiority complex comes from within. Kids see that their peers do not associate with FOB's and feel that trying to welcome them would be taken as a threat to their own image, etc.

Wildchild, some immigrants have complexes of their own. They look at ABCD's as being ignorant or lacking culture. However, there are many immigrants to be encountered at educational institutions and in the workplace and many ABCD's deliberately minimize socialization with them. THAT, in my opinion is wrong as it creates a division b/w people of the same race.

My parents instilled strong values of respect in us regardless of the person's standing in society. So I've never had the typical 'abcd' superiority complex to Fobs. But I do agree that many abcds do have that and i blame the parents a lot for it too. Because the parents themselves have a superiority complex about living in America and that thinking is passed on to their kids.

It is not all about an inferiority complex; some ABCDs just genuinely cannot get along with FOBs because of their attitudes. And vice versa is true also...

Paradise I know very few ABCDs who can speak Urdu fluently (as in telling a joke or having an intelligent conversation on politics or something) and that poses another barrier. Of course, most FOBs I know speak very good english but sometimes it is relaxing to speak your native language.

I think the term ABCD is ridiculous. It seems to imply that all American born Desis are "confused" about their cultural identities, just because they have been living in the United States all their lives. The term also implies that American born Desis are somehow "ashamed" of being Desi. From what I have observed over the years, that is not necessarily the case. I know a lot of American born Desis that are very much in touch with the Desi culture....they know the language, like the food and clothing, enjoy the movies, music, etc. Most of the Desis that I know in the Chicago area (where I live), tend to associate with other Desis, rather than forming close friendships with or dating a non-Desi. Again, I am saying that MOST of the Desis I know are like that. Also, there are many ABCD Desis who follow Islam just as well as anyone living in India or Pakistan would.

*Whoaaa* so much interest in fobism. CF: dude, that www.nydailynews.com rocks. Anyways floyd: I for one agree on the name change. No more fobism from now on. Let's move on. Now we shall call it fopism (hit me).

well, ms. paradise, i have come across 'fobs' who were kind of judgemental and did make a deal about how much money someone has...so i don't know. as i mentioned way earlier in this convo, i've been put down as someone who doesnt know anything about his religion and his culture just because i was born here (which i would say is opposite of the truth)...but i also know cool fobs too. i beat up metrosexual guys for fun lol...jk...i mean verbally beat up not physically...hearing you guys say that makes me glad cause i was beginning to think i was doing something wrong by not doing the pretty boy thing lol

Manas, I also resent guys who manage to spend more time on their looks than I do. I really do not want to be with a guy who enjoys shopping for clothes for himself, more than I enjoy shopping for clothes for myself. Nor do I want a guy who is more obsessed with his hair than I am. And of course, if a guy gets manicures, highlights his hair on a consistent basis, is obsessed with brand name clothes, and eats less food than I do at dinner....well, than it is all over.....Ugh! I do not like pretty boys at all....or should I say, "metrosexual."

Desi FOB's in America are a lot more humble, down-to-earth, hard-working, sweet, and easy-going than ABCD'S (American born Desis). They are non-judgmental when it comes to how much money a person has, or what kind of house you live in, or what kind of car you drive. I myself am not even close to being "well-off", I am far from it, and that includes my family. Anyways, these are some of the things about FOB's that I have observed. I have nothing against FOB's. Their accents sometimes get on my nerves....but its not a big deal. :) :) I went to India recently for 6 weeks and loved it. It was my first trip there after 13 years. I like the way that people from India give so much importance to family. Life in India can be much better than life in America...that is, if you have money. I have often thought that it would be nice to be able to marry a rich guy from India and settle down in India for a year. Ha ha......

ManasanaM: 'PS' = 'PlatoShadow'. There you go again thinking I'm talking to you :P But still nice to see I have your focus ;)

Drat?

In the words of Madonna, "the man w/ the cold, hard cash is always mr. right." to be honest, i don't think i've ever been attracted to the celebrity-hot kind of looks. maybe b/c i resent a guy who manages to spend more time on his looks than i do.

Manasanam: My confusion is all-encompassing! ... PS: Drat!

CF those aren't geeks, they're rich. and rich people, i'm sure all women and men would agree, are the best lovers ever

CF, r u a BBCD (british-born) or do u encompass a well-rounded confusion?

Floyd, u got reservations w/ my points, too? how dare u!? it's my j/e, so i'm right! seriously, pls share ur reservations.

Are FOBS like geeks: www.nydailynews.com ... Floyd, I'm glad you're glad. Anyway: You got a problem with people who are confused? Huh? Buddy? Right! Outside! Now! >:|

well..I'm glad to see some intelligent discussion going on here and not some mindless hatemail or spamming :)

Manas,Mahtab01, Eiffe, points well taken although with reservations.

I personally think the term ABCD is more derogatory than FOB. Think about it, wouldn't someone rather be labelled as fresh off a boat (which is really a deprecated term from the 70s and no longer holds any meaning since people, except cubans, really don't take boats any more) than be labelled as someone who is perpetually "confused"?

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Our Desi FOB Kin

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