Outside Looking In

Login to find out (June 24, 2005 at 1:08pm)

Sabila, it really is no problem. I was only half agreeing with Hanza, so it could easily have been perceived as me disagreeing with her in total. I understand that people feel the need to pass on their culture, as I said my parent were very adept at that. It is necessary to instill at least one cultural identity in a child. But I also look at the overarching need for cultural diffusion across ethnicities and national boundaries. Don't get me wrong, im not looking at this exclusively from an socio-ethnological perspective or even an anthropological one. The only cultures that ever survived have done so as a result of their continued evolution. That includes yours, and mine. Somehow I dont think the average person will make such considerations when choosing a mate. I know I am not so calculated as that.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 5:43pm)

Ifrit, no offense taken. You didn't come across as abrasive at all. I'm just having one of those days where I'm especially dense and didn't quite grasp that you were agreeing with Hanza. My bad.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 4:40pm)

I was actually agreeing with Hanzas point about faith/religion. I wanted to draw the distinction between that and culture. I apologize if the tone of my message implied that I was more culturally enriched than anyone else. I don't think that is the case and certainly I am not qualified to make such judgements. Again, the faith thing I am inclined to agree with. My goal here was to extend the conversation beyond its original scope, if in doing so I seemed a bit abrasive, you all have my deepest apologies. And regardless of what side of the conversation you came out on thanks for your input.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 4:34pm)

I mean, in a perfect world, faith in and reverance of a higher power would be enough. Unfortunately, we don't live in Paradise (was that apple really worth it, Adam and Eve?!). In our world we have traditions and customs attached to the way we express faith in God and most individual would like to pass down these mores to their children. That's just the way it is, unless one or both parents are not religious.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 4:25pm)

Interracial marriages work only if a couple can be openminded and tolerant. There is absolutely nothing wrong with interracial marriages. However, I must agree with Hanza's view on interfaith marriages. We can't delude ourselves to think that religious differences will not bring conflict to a household in which both parents are equally devoted to two different faiths.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 2:49pm)

BTW, Hanza, i am not sensitive about the issue of being mixed. i have nothing but the utmost pride in that. the experience of learning about the history of my family has been a joyous one. further, i have no "identity crisis".

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 2:47pm)

Large chance of failure is no excuse not to try. The fact is that if someone I loved dearly stated the odds to me, I would probably turn my back on them. They simply would not possess the strength and clarity of mind that I would want to attribute to a mate. As far as psychological stress, that does not come from mixed culture, it comes from the parents failure to instill any identity in the child. My parents were very methodical from this perspective. I have a profound appreciation for my black heritage as well as my Japanese. Your last generalization is seriously flawed Hanza. Not holding much value to ones culture and religion is not a prerequisite for engaging in a mixed marriage. And when you really think about it, culture is the root of many problems within our religion. We are all diminished by such attitudes.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 1:23pm)

far be it from me to ever accuse someone of prejudice or hatred. (unless they were patently hating me to my face). i think their is a challenge involved for certain. my grandmother and grandfather are a perfect example. she is Japanese and he is Black and they were married right after WWII. They have been married for 60 years! In those days, these kinds of things were far less tolerable...imagine my little Japanese grandma living in a little town in the Midwest right after her people fought a war against us! Are we soooo much less than the ones who came before us or are our obstacles sooo much greater? I think not. As a generation of forward thinking people with all of the mechanisms available to increase our understanding of one another as well as bring us closer together, why do we constantly find increased rigidity and thicker walls? People of mixed marriages have to remind themselves of what it was that allowed them to come together to begin with...an open mind. And they have to keep their minds open and continue to communicate to that nothing is lost in the cultural filters that invariably exist between all of us. I hope im not coming across as being too sensitive about this.

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 12:27pm)

I am so glad you said (wrote) that, Ifrit. For some reason, inter-cultural or inter-racial marriages are considered such a taboo. Why is that? I think religion and culture are suppossed to bring people together, not build walls between people. I say there should be more inter-racial marriages! There is so much hatred and prejudice in this world. Once people start marrying outside of their 'circle', who are they going to hate? Their wife? Their husband?

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 11:42am)

ill get off my high-horse/soapbox. returning to the original point, i agree with febe (who agreed with me), it is fun to watch. Like the King Cobra mating dance!

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 11:40am)

Hanza, your point is well taken. Though why does marriage outside the culture have to be anyones "fault"? Personally im all for expanding my possibilities for a successful and happy marriage. Love and chemistry are a random thing which can be limited by imposing arbitrary social context. When I meet someone I dont think to myself "great person, too bad she isnt black!"

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 7:56am)

Sabahatk, i couldn't agree more. that's been my experience in 99% of the time

Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 7:50am)

Now, what I am about to write is a definite generalization but based on my experience I don't know how to put it. The girl who made this comment to your friend seems like the typical desi girl in a social situation. Every time that I have been out and have struck up a conversation with a desi girl, without fail, she has had a chip on her shoulder. No offense intended to non-desis, but desi girls that I have run into have had no issues talking to non-desi guys but as soon as a desi guy approaches them, their noses fly straight up into the air and a wall comes down around them. I really never could understand that. I have never had this happen to me when I met a non-desi girl...

Sorry (desi) ladies but this is just what I have experienced.

Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 9:47pm)

Gotcha..seems to me, the girl had some issues from the past and she assumed the worse for no reason.

Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 9:36pm)

Perhaps I did not effectively state the case. My friend is very engaging, and *charming*. He did nothing but engage her in polite discourse. I dont think I would have been baffled otherwise. He did nothing to precipitate this attitude from her. She just made this assumption that he was pretending to be this person, somehow implying that Pakistani men are typically not so.

Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 9:11pm)

I think we girls are too quick in making generalizations about guys. One guy does us wrong, and suddenly, the entire sex is comprised of deadbeat, commitment-phobic freaks. Sometimes, even I feel sorry for you guys.

Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 8:34pm)

What did your friend say to the girl for her to react in such a way? Maybe he acted like a retard and said something completely inappropriate. Maybe the girl has issues w/ Pakistani guys in general and shot him down for no reason.

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