Village Journals
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
RAGE AGAINST PASSION
One of the major causes of conflict within a relationship stems from that primeval emotion within us all ?
ANGER.
Some know how to control it better than others, while others just fly off the handle like a stretched elastic band on the end of its tether. While no one expects anger to rear its ugly head when two people are in each other?s space, in fact it can be quite refreshing to let it out sometimes. But the trick is to resolve it before you walk away ? not stew in it until you next come face to face. In most relationships, anger comes in three different forms.
JUSTIFIED ANGER
This is when you know he?s done something wrong, like told you he?s working late only to roll in stinking drunk from a night out with the boys in the bar.
Good way to express your anger:
Calmly await his explanation. It could be that he was working late, felt like he could do with a treat afterwards and his friends happened to call ? men act on impulse and do stupid things. But still, he could have called you. Point this out without losing your temper and he will be riddled with guilt and apologise profusely about letting you down. He?ll miserably take the couch and you can expect flowers and chocolates the next day.
Bad way to express your anger:
Scream ?where the hell have you been you insensitive, selfish pig!? the moment he walks in through the door. Chances are, he?s been preparing his excuse on the way home and if you don?t let him have his say he?ll only get defensive. He?ll take the couch and watch telly until he passes out or just go back out again. Expect to rub mutual cold shoulders the next day.
PARANOID RAGE:
This is where you think you?ve got reason to be angry and before you?ve thought it through, the red-eyed devil has taken over. He?s been on the phone for the past half an hour, talking softly but when you walk in his voice turns all professional and he hangs up.
Good way to express your anger:
Fair enough, you?re feeling irrational. But a part of you thinks you?re being logical too. It?s a girl, it must be. Maybe it?s his ex-girlfriend ringing up saying she?s sorry but the fact is, unless you show you?re prepared to handle the truth ? you won?t get it. Men often lie to protect their partners from things they think we don?t want to hear, not realising it only blows up our paranoias tenfold. Be careful not to be all understanding just to get to the bottom of it and then blow up ? he?ll feel cheated and keep other things from you in future.
Bad way to express your anger:
Throw wild accusations at him. His first instinct will be to deny everything and then feel its his responsibility to maintain the lie. And if your accusation is far more sinister than the actual crime, he?ll only resent you for it and most likely shout back: ?you haven?t got a clue what you?re talking about!? Bad times lie ahead.
HIDDEN ANGER:
This is the worst variety because it festers. You planned to have it out when he rubbed you up the wrong way, like say, last week when he put you down in front of his family, you had your rebuke all rehearsed ? but circumstances meant you never got round to saying it. As far as he?s concerned, there?s no issue here ? while you?ve forgotten much of your speech and all you can remember right now is that you?re angry with him.
Good way to express your anger:
When you get a moment together, say you want to talk to him. Remind him of the event and tell him how hurt and humiliated he made you feel. Was that his intention to do so or was he just being flippant? The likelihood is, he will be mortified to hear you?ve kept this bottled up inside for so long and will do his utmost to make you feel better again. Plus he?ll think twice before doing it again.
Bad way to express your anger:
Don?t pick a completely inopportune moment, in the queue for the cinema or when you?re debating a completely different subject. His first reaction will be: ?where the hell did that come from?? He?ll see it as your way of point-scoring and, the next time he?s feeling spiteful, he?ll probably do the exact same thing again.
LESSONS TO BE LEARNT:
Take a deep breath before you speak, get all the facts, consider exactly how you feel about it and then ? if you decide to flip your lid ? at least he?ll know you?re basing it on a real sense of feeling let down by him rather than just unleashing the angry demon inside you.
ANGER.
Some know how to control it better than others, while others just fly off the handle like a stretched elastic band on the end of its tether. While no one expects anger to rear its ugly head when two people are in each other?s space, in fact it can be quite refreshing to let it out sometimes. But the trick is to resolve it before you walk away ? not stew in it until you next come face to face. In most relationships, anger comes in three different forms.
JUSTIFIED ANGER
This is when you know he?s done something wrong, like told you he?s working late only to roll in stinking drunk from a night out with the boys in the bar.
Good way to express your anger:
Calmly await his explanation. It could be that he was working late, felt like he could do with a treat afterwards and his friends happened to call ? men act on impulse and do stupid things. But still, he could have called you. Point this out without losing your temper and he will be riddled with guilt and apologise profusely about letting you down. He?ll miserably take the couch and you can expect flowers and chocolates the next day.
Bad way to express your anger:
Scream ?where the hell have you been you insensitive, selfish pig!? the moment he walks in through the door. Chances are, he?s been preparing his excuse on the way home and if you don?t let him have his say he?ll only get defensive. He?ll take the couch and watch telly until he passes out or just go back out again. Expect to rub mutual cold shoulders the next day.
PARANOID RAGE:
This is where you think you?ve got reason to be angry and before you?ve thought it through, the red-eyed devil has taken over. He?s been on the phone for the past half an hour, talking softly but when you walk in his voice turns all professional and he hangs up.
Good way to express your anger:
Fair enough, you?re feeling irrational. But a part of you thinks you?re being logical too. It?s a girl, it must be. Maybe it?s his ex-girlfriend ringing up saying she?s sorry but the fact is, unless you show you?re prepared to handle the truth ? you won?t get it. Men often lie to protect their partners from things they think we don?t want to hear, not realising it only blows up our paranoias tenfold. Be careful not to be all understanding just to get to the bottom of it and then blow up ? he?ll feel cheated and keep other things from you in future.
Bad way to express your anger:
Throw wild accusations at him. His first instinct will be to deny everything and then feel its his responsibility to maintain the lie. And if your accusation is far more sinister than the actual crime, he?ll only resent you for it and most likely shout back: ?you haven?t got a clue what you?re talking about!? Bad times lie ahead.
HIDDEN ANGER:
This is the worst variety because it festers. You planned to have it out when he rubbed you up the wrong way, like say, last week when he put you down in front of his family, you had your rebuke all rehearsed ? but circumstances meant you never got round to saying it. As far as he?s concerned, there?s no issue here ? while you?ve forgotten much of your speech and all you can remember right now is that you?re angry with him.
Good way to express your anger:
When you get a moment together, say you want to talk to him. Remind him of the event and tell him how hurt and humiliated he made you feel. Was that his intention to do so or was he just being flippant? The likelihood is, he will be mortified to hear you?ve kept this bottled up inside for so long and will do his utmost to make you feel better again. Plus he?ll think twice before doing it again.
Bad way to express your anger:
Don?t pick a completely inopportune moment, in the queue for the cinema or when you?re debating a completely different subject. His first reaction will be: ?where the hell did that come from?? He?ll see it as your way of point-scoring and, the next time he?s feeling spiteful, he?ll probably do the exact same thing again.
LESSONS TO BE LEARNT:
Take a deep breath before you speak, get all the facts, consider exactly how you feel about it and then ? if you decide to flip your lid ? at least he?ll know you?re basing it on a real sense of feeling let down by him rather than just unleashing the angry demon inside you.
Comments on this journal