Relationships are learning experiences, really help you figure out a lot about yourself. Also who you want and what you want from a potential soulmate. Sure you have good and bad memories, thats part of it. Can't be a wuss about it.

Bottom line is you get to spend some PREMIUM SINGLE TIME with interesting personalities and enjoy it all.

GO FOR IT. Especially before you get stuck permanently and have a couple of kids in the mix.

I don't know if one will be "better at marking your marriage work", but the person will definitely be better at picking out who is the right person for him/her, thus having a better marriage I think. This if of course taking into account that the person is dating to find the right person, not to settle or get married asap.

Personally I don't see myself marrying somebody who I am not emotionally attached to, I don't see how one can get that without having some one-on-one time (I'm not talking being physical here), e.g. dating. And what is dating but the opening of the emotional gates from both people?

here is the problem..when people date and breakup..their hearts kinda become used to the trauma etc...

then based on their past learning..they assume the new person is exactly gonna behave the same way...and they react accordingly..based on some learning they had..the problem is..not everyone is the same and cutting n pasting your past learning from one relationship to another just casue a perfectly workable situation to breakdwon..

that's why there were less divorce rates back then....no one gave up so easily! people compare everything these days subhaan allah why can't anyone be content with what they have..this Dunya is not worth anything . an arab poet said ; do not broadcast your affairs with your sitting companions for they are jealous and will rejoice a your misfortune. that's very true! also people tend to complain about their spouses so much,but in reality they have more faults then their spouses. no one is perfect, u have to adapt to certain habits to make a marriage successful ...or don't get married at all lol

Salaam :)

I personally don't believe in dating or whatever, that's what an engagement is for or if u have a mahram with u then it is ok to get to know someone...I believe its better to be a little picky for your expectations in a potential spouse instead of just rushing into marriage to only have it end up in divorce awhile later. these days people do give up easily n just take the quick way out by getting a divorce subhaan allah its sad especially when children are involved, many I know have regretted it later on saying they they wish they could`ve worked on the relationship at least a bit harder instead of turning the other cheek . qadr Allah wa ma sha`a fa`l everything is pre-ordained and everything happens
by Allahs will.At least they learned from their divorces and can help others by telling them to not give up so easily though alhamdillah..

At the same time though one should be picky but also ask themselves if they need to improve themselves in the requirements they want in a partner :) salatul istikhara for if u are a Muslim/Muslimah and the rest to just always put your trust in Allah swt . Salaamz :)

I believe relationships teach you alot and make you look at life in a different way. I know it isn't Islamic to have a relationship however it is allowed to get to know the opposite gender for the sake and purpose of marriage and many times one realizes that person isn't the right one for them. I think relationships can leave you bitter or more aware of who you are. It is what you walk away with and how you perceive things. if you have FAITH in ALLAH then you always know whatever happens is for the best. Each time one might think this is it...and it doesn't workout is because that person was not meant for you. Allah has something better. However I don't support going from one person to the other for the sake of it. I believe you should pick one person and make it work. No one is perfect and no one is similiar to your past or your imagination or wish list. You look for those core requirements and with that if you are compatible then the rest is up to you...for the relationship to work or not....lately people give up easily and not make things work but if one believes in the concept of making it work then it will work and ofcourse most importantly if Allah wants it to work it will work.

I think its important to keep the good memories from a relationship. Set back and realize why it didn't work and improve yourself so that you are more aware, understanding, mature, towards the next person your with. It is not heathy to compare anyone to the past but it is only natural however it is how you compare...if you want the person to be exactly the same as your past then your heading the wrong direction...that is impossible no one is the same. Don't compare instead appreciate the person in front of you. Take your lessons from your past experience and allow yourself to Grow positively from that particular relationship.

I do believe Allah has someone out there for everyone. It is only a matter of time and having faith. If someone is truly meant for you then it will work not matter what....otherwise there is something better out there for you that ALlah has in plan.

All the best everyone:)

Oh we know this baby!!!

That explains it. My apologies. I'm not the kind who intentially makes fun of the mentally challenged. All this time I just thought you were a natural idiot.

Long term realtionship. Read previous comments before making a fool of yourself by asking retarded questions AR!

Bottom line: It seems that at least in the U.S. and Canada, there must be some sort of dating involved between 2 potential newlywoods for the marriage to have a shot at working. I would think an LTR would be best at finding/determining your spouse but what the hell, I'm just some liberal from NYC who some would say is caught up too much with the way the rest of the world conducts business. Beats arranged marraiges for sure!

Ruby, totally I want to get to know the person before I decide to marry them!! But like you said, in a 'halal' way, Inshallah. Ayame, so very true that just because there isn't as high a divorce in some asian countries like in western countries, it doesn't necessarily mean that these are happy marriages. Desiprincess, I totally agree with your line "Dating makes you long for those who were better.." I always see that in people who I know have had many relationships......its like they are never satisfied.

hmmm its a double edged sword...history has told us that dating has been detrimental to marriages all over america...divorce after divorce...while the d"staying together" rate in india and other countries that uphold arranged marriages hold strong. Dating makes you long for those who were better...that you cant have anymore, and long for those who you havent got yet...a bit of a problem if you are currently in a relationship. But, the thing is, if you are jaded enough, you develop a personality by the wits end of dating...your late 20's and early 30's sometimes, where you become content with almost anyone...and then you get married and try to live happily ever after, knowing you know of better times...and it creates such resentment...But if you are malleable enough u will get along with anybody...And if you dont endure the heartache...how will you know what is bliss???

I believe in getting to know the person before i decide to spend the rest of my life with them. With unhappy marriages, and divorces happening right before my eyes..i thinks its important. Relationships prior to marriage help, sometimes we do tend to get involved with someone who is clearly not right for us, and at that time seem like they're the one. When we choose to date, its normal to make mistakes in finding the right person. But the only difference is that we need to learn from those mistakes in order to succeed in finding the right person for ourselves. As for those who run away from commitment, become picky etc... You need to get over your fixations from your past relationships and move on.

Ruby, you made an important point that some people just get in a relationship to avoid being single, that I agree also, is not very smart, but the rest of the points everyone has given are pretty valid. Times have changed and it does seem more necessary then ever to date. Personally, I just couldn't be bothered. Maybe its cuz I see all the hassle and heartache alot of my friends put up with. Mind you, I"m sure that people who do date, learn alot from their experiences, thus it isn't a waste of time. But i've also seen many who don't seem to learn anything no matter how many relationships they have been in. I know some may call me naive or impractical but I still choose not to date....you know, kind of trust God to help me find a person to marry, without having to date them, and they turn out to be the best match for me. I honestly understand that it doesn't sound like it can actually work out, but I honestly believe that it can. Or maybe I"m just a dreamer :P

True Pharah. Girls do play men too.. I think it may be part in that they have been played before, but they could be that way in general too..

Stop, I'm gonna cry.

Well, for me I think dating is essential. I have found out what I really want from seeing people. I haven't dated much, but I think you definitely need to get to know someone. I also think it is important bc i have definitely learned how men play girls all the time. Not only bc I have guys who are great friends, but bc i and some of my friends have been played. It is a very horrible situation. I have learned a lot about myself and what I will compromise on when dating and for my future marriage. I think that by dating various people you can find out what you truly want. I don't think it is a sign that you may look for better after getting married. I think people stray for other reasons besides having dated many people in the past..

Dating is definitely necessary these days. We live in a different world that our parents and other Muslims grew up in. They were taught to stand by their man/woman no matter what. We grew up in the Divorce Era, not to mention womens lib, etc. I think everyone is a bit more demanding and more picky as far as marriage goes so the only real way to know somebody is to put in a substantial amount of time with them. It may even include living with them prior to marriage.

pez.....thats because when a woman gets married, her responsibilities increase ten fold......when a man gets married.....his responsibilities decrease :P

On a scientific note - married men suffer less from from disease and report a happier outlook on life as opposed to their single male counterparts married men also tend to live longer than single men..... Women (though we outlive men in either case - on the whole) - Women who are married on the other hand, report higher and more frequent incidents of depression and anxiety as opposed to their single female counter parts. The overall health of a married woman (especially with more than 2 children) is more likely to be compromised than the over all health of the single female counterparts....