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Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
SHARE A JOKE,,,,
HI CREW!!!!!!!
WRITE A GOOD JOKE BELOW,,,,,,
WRITE A GOOD JOKE BELOW,,,,,,
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A blonde came running up to her husband in the driveway as
he came home from work. She said, "Honey, I have some
really great news for you!"
The husband said, "Great, tell me why you're so happy!"
"I'm pregnant!" she shouted.
He said, "That's wonderful! I couldn't be happier!"
Then, she said, "Oh, Honey, wait, there's more!" He asked,
"What do you mean 'more'?"
She said, "Well, we aren't having just one baby, we are going
to have TWINS!
Amazed, he asked her how she knew.
She said, "Well, that was the easy part. I went to Wal-Mart
and bought the twin-pack Home Pregnancy Test kit" and
BOTH tests came out positive!"
There is this man sitting at the bar when the most
beautiful woman he has ever seen walks in, and he
just has to go over to her. "Let's cut the small talk,
shall we? Your place or mine?" he says.
She looks at him and replies, "Mine."
So he gets into his car and she gets into her car and
they go over to her place. When they get up to her
apartment he walks in and sees all these dicks hanging
on the walls. He jumps back and cries, "What the hell is
going on here?"
She answers, "If you don't satisfy me, that's where you're
going to hang. So how do you want it?"
The man thinks for a minute and tells her to go into the
bedroom, turn out the lights and get naked. When she
goes into the bedroom, he goes back down to his car
and gets this big huge watermelon out of truck. He goes
back up to her place and knocks on the bedroom door.
"Are you ready?" he asks.
"Yes," she replies. So he goes into the room and starts
to pump her with the watermelon. She is just screaming
her lungs out, absolutely loving every minute of it. This
goes on for an hour or so. When he finishes, he asks
her, "So how was that?"
The woman catches her breath and says, "Ahhh, nothing
like a good fingering before a screw!"
A couple has a male friend who's visiting from out-of-state,
when an unexpected blizzard blows in, and keeps him
from traveling. Since the couple has no guest room, he
states his intention to find a nearby hotel, and be on his
way in the morning.
"Nonsense," says the wife. "Our bed is plenty big enough
for all three of us, and we're all friends here." The husband
concurs, and before long they're settled in: husband in the
middle, wife on his left, friend on his right.
After a while, the husband begins snoring, and the wife
sneaks over to the friend's side of the bed, and invites him
to have sex with her. Naturally, he'd like to, but he's reluctant.
"We're in the same bed with your husband! He'll wake up,
and he'll kill me."
"Don't worry about it," she says, "he's such a sound sleeper,
he'll never notice. If you don't believe me, just yank a hair off
of his butt. He won't even wake up."
So the friend yanks a hair off the husband's anus, and sure
enough, she's right. Her husband sleeps right through having
a hair yanked out of his butt. So, she and the friend have sex,
and then she goes back to her side of the bed.
After about twenty minutes, though, she's back on his side of
the bed, asking him to do it again. The same argument follows,
another hair is yanked from the husband's corn hole, and again
they have sex. This keeps up for about half the night, until after
about the sixth time, when the wife goes back to her side.
Then the husband rolls over, and whispers to his friend, "I don't
mind that you're shagging my wife, but do you really have to use
my butthole as your scoreboard?"
A young American was enjoying his first night in
Rome, drinking cappuccino at a pavement cafe
when a pretty girl sat beside him.
"Hello," he said. "Do you understand English?"
"Only a little," she answered.
"How much?" he asked.
"Fifty dollars," she replied.
advice of their friends. During their first intercourse, the
elephant suffered a heart attack and died.
"Darn," said the ant. "Five minutes of passion, and
now the rest of my life digging a grave."
There was this lady who was sexually frustrated
and had tried to get her husband sexually stimulated
but nothing seemed to work. She tried sexy lingerie,
toys, etc., etc., but had no luck. So one day she asked
her friend what she should do... "It's really annoying
me now! He's just not up for it. He's always out down
the pub with the lads. What can I do?"
Her friend suggested, "Well, if he's always out
with the lads why don't you give him an extra
tenner so he enjoys himself even more and then
he'll come home and thank you appropriately..."
So the woman tried this and this is what happened
on his return:
Man: Take Your clothes off!
Woman thinks: Whoa! This is working!
Man: Stand on your head!
Woman: Ooohh...! Kinky!!!
Man: Spread your legs apart!
Woman thinks: This has really worked - give
it to me!
The man then gets a small mirror and places it in
between her legs.
Woman thinks: This is a new one...
Man says: You know... the lads were right, I would
look good with a beard!
A Frenchman and an Italian were seated next
to an Englishman on an overseas flight. After
a few cocktails, the men began discussing
their home lives.
"Last night I made love to my wife four times,"
the Frenchman bragged, "and this morning
she made me delicious crepes and she told
me how much she adored me."
"Ah, last night I made love to my wife six times,"
the Italian responded, "and this morning she
made me a wonderful omelet and told me she
could never love another man."
When the Englishman remained silent, the
Frenchman smugly asked, "And how many
times did you make love to your wife last night?"
"Once," he replied.
"Only once?" the Italian arrogantly snorted.
"And what did she say to you this morning?"
"Don't stop."
Three women died and went to heaven. At the gate
they met St. Peter who asked them how they died.
Woman 1: St. Peter I have always been a good
woman. I was happily married and I never had an
outside relationship. One day I went for a walk and
my heart gave out on me.
St. Peter: Bless you my child. Take the golden key
and go the golden door. Your reward will be with
you soon.
Woman 2: St Peter I was also a good woman, but
I cheated on my husband a couple of times. I went
out one day to meet my lover and was killed in a
car crash.
St. Peter: Forgiveness is a part of life here. Take
the silver key and go to the silver door. Your reward
will be with you soon.
Woman 3: (aggressively) Peter boy, I had sex with
everybody. I loved it so much. One of my many lovers
caught me betraying him and killed me.
St. Peter: Take this key and go to my door, I will be
there with you soon.
After she has disrobed he begins to stroke her thigh. As he does this he says to the woman, "Do you know what I'm doing?" "Yes," she says, "you're checking for any abrasions or dermatological abnormalities." "That's
right," says the doctor.
He then begins to fondle her breasts. "Do you know what I'm doing now?" he asks. "Yes," the woman says, "you're checking for any lumps of breast
cancer." "That's right," replies the doctor.
He then begins to have sexual intercourse with the woman.He says to her, "Do you know what I'm doing now?" "Yes," she says. "You're getting herpes,
that's why I am here."
>section of an airplane. The woman sneezed, took out a tissue, gently
wiped
>her nose, then visibly shuddered for ten to fifteen seconds.
>
>The man went back to his reading. A few minutes later, the woman
sneezed
>again, took a tissue, wiped her nose, then shuddered violently once
more.
>Assuming that the woman might have a cold, the man was still curious
about
>the shuddering. A few more minutes passed when the woman sneezed yet
>again. As before she took a tissue, wiped her nose, her body shaking
ever
>more than before.
>
>Unable to restrain his curiosity, the man turned to the woman and
said, "I
>couldn't help but notice that you've sneezed three times, wiped your
nose
>and then shuddered violently. Are you ok?"
>
>"I am sorry if I disturbed you, I have a very rare medical condition;
>whenever I sneeze I have an orgasm."
>
>The man, more than a bit embarrassed, was still curious. " I have
never
>heard of that condition before" he said. " Are you taking anything for
>it?"
>
>"Yes," the woman winked. "Pepper."