HOMER: If you really want something in life you have to work for it. Now quiet, they're about to announce the lottery numbers.

Homer: Oh my god! Space aliens! Don't eat me, I have a wife and kids! Eat them!

Bart: You've got the brains to go as far as you want. And when you do, I'll be right there to borrow money.

Bart: Well, I'm not calling you a liar, but... I can't think of a way to finish that sentence.

Bart: Dear God, we paid for all this stuff ourselves, so thanks for nothing.

Homer: I'm sorry Marge, but sometimes I think we're the worst family in town.
Marge: Maybe we should move to a larger community.

Grampa: Dear Mr. President, there are too many states nowadays, please eliminate three. I am not a crackpot.

Homer: Oh no! What have I done? I smashed open my little boy's piggy bank, and for what? A few measly cents, not even enough to buy one beer. Wait a minute, lemme count and make sure... not even close.

Homer: When will I learn? The answer to life's problems aren't at the bottom of a bottle, they're on TV!

Homer: What do we need a psychiatrist for? We know our kid is nuts.

Homer: Kids, you tried your best and you failed miserably. The lesson is, never try.

Homer: Getting out of jury duty is easy. The trick is to say you're prejudiced against all races.