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Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.
Single Women with children
I have a question for everyone.
Why are guys afraid to consider single women with children? I know if a guy falls for a woman and she has kids, maybe he will accept the children, but if he knows ahead of time that she has children, he might not even want to give her a chance. Why are men so afraid of children?
Along the same line, why are men afraid to adopt other children if they have their own? Many would consider it if they don't have their own children, but otherwise would not like to adopt.
Why are guys afraid to consider single women with children? I know if a guy falls for a woman and she has kids, maybe he will accept the children, but if he knows ahead of time that she has children, he might not even want to give her a chance. Why are men so afraid of children?
Along the same line, why are men afraid to adopt other children if they have their own? Many would consider it if they don't have their own children, but otherwise would not like to adopt.
Comments on this journal
I used to be very naive about such things but I'm learning to be more open minded and give everyone a fair chance. Hear their story, get to know them, before passing any judgements on them.
Its easy to have a checklist of requirements when looking for a spouse but that can really limit your choices and you might miss out on a spectacular potentional because you were blinded by what you thought was acceptable or not. Ok, it may not quite limit your choices but you could still be missing out on a great person anyways.
In fact, one way to look at it is, you know what kind of a mom this person is. If you like what you see, you know how she will be with your child.
You are an amazing mom. I agree, a child is a child. I don't think I could ever love a child any less b/c he or she was adopted. Each child that is brought into this world is a gift from Allah. I hope I'm as awesome as a mom as you are one day, inshallah!
Even now I tell my mom, even if I don't get remarried, I"m fine bc I will just adopt a daughter and continue being a mom.
I guess then it will be harder for me bc the guy will have to accept 2 kids with me. :P
Plus doesn't every man want a good mom for their child? You can see what kind of a mother she is and you can't wrong.
All jokes a side, guys with no kids of their own find this hard to deal with. Plain and simple.
However if you love the person and pragmatically can manage the children, then complication is just in the mind.
not sure whether this would extend to a child one has adopted... but the argument goes that people want to propagate their genes/ bloodline/ family name.. any child with another surname/ an adopted child is an exception to this.. and therefore a waste of resources !
There are brothers out there who will consider single women with kids, and brothers for every other kind of woman as well. There are some cultural issues that make it somewhat harder than it ought to be for "baggage" people to find matches - but there are getting to be so many "baggage" people out there of both genders that they are increasingly matching up with other. There are single brothers with kids - they might be more open to matching with a woman with her own kids, for example.
Unfortunate yes. More non-Muslims have less of an issue of marrying men/women with children.
Interesting
first women with children: the most obvious answer is extra responsibility. most men will shy away from that because they do not want to raise someone's else children. it is not Islamic to think this way, but it is unfortunately the instinct for most people. and that goes for men and women as many women would not want to get married to a man with children.
The other issue is adoption: islam does not permit adoption in the western sense. and adopted child can not take the name of a care taker. Instead people can sponsor orphan children.