I got sent this, have a laugh break up the day, send it to the kids and let them enjoy

The following in excerped from a children's book, "Captain Underpants
and the Perilous Plot Professor Poopypants" by Dave Pilkey, in which the
evil Professor forces everyone to assume new names...
>>>
1. Use the third letter of your first name to determine your new first
name:
>>>
>>>a = snickle
>>>b = doombah
>>>c = goober
>>>d = cheesey
>>>e = crusty
>>>f = greasy
>>>g = dumbo
>>>h = farcus
>>>i = dorky
>>>j = doofus
>>>k = funky
>>>l = boobie
>>>m = sleezy
>>>n = sloopy
>>>o = fluffy
>>>p = stinky
>>>q = slimy
>>>r = dorfus
>>>s = snooty
>>>t = tootsie
>>>u = dipsy
>>>v = sneezy
>>>w = liver
>>>x = skippy
>>>y = dinky
>>>z = zippy
>>>
2. Use the second letter of your last name to determine the first half
of your new last name:
>>>
>>>a = dippin
>>>b = feather
>>>c = batty
>>>d = burger
>>>e = chicken
>>>f = barffy
>>>g = lizard
>>>h = waffle
>>>i = farkle
>>>j = monkey
>>>k = flippin
>>>l = fricken
>>>m = bubble
>>>n = rhino
>>>o = potty
>>>p = hamster
>>>q = buckle
>>>r = gizzard
>>>s = lickin
>>>t = snickle
>>>u = chuckle
>>>v = pickle
>>>w = hubble
>>>x = dingle
>>>y = gorilla
>>>z = girdle
>>>
>>>
>>>3. Use the third letter of your last name to determine the second
>>>half of your new last name:
>>>
>>>a = butt
>>>b = b00b
>>>c = face
>>>d = nose
>>>e = hump
>>>f = breath
>>>g = pants
>>>h = shorts
>>>i = lips
>>>j = egg
>>>k =head
>>>l = tush
>>>m = chunks
>>>n = dunkin
>>>o = brains
>>>p = biscuits
>>>q = toes
>>>r = doodle
>>>s = fanny
>>>t = sniffer
>>>u = sprinkles
>>>v = frack
>>>w = squirt
>>>x = humperdinck
>>>y = hiney
>>>z = juice

>>>Thus, for example, George W. Bush's new name is Fluffy Chucklefanny.

>>>And remember that children laugh an average of 146 times a day;
>>>adults laugh an average of 4 times a day. Put more laughter in your
>>>day.