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Ultimate Chain Letter -- NOW SAFE TO READ!!! :P


I want to thank all of you who have taken the time and trouble to send me your chain letters over the past two years. Thank you for making me feel safe, secure, blessed, and wealthy.

Because of your concern...

I no longer can drink Coca Cola because it can remove toilet stains.

I no longer drink Pepsi or Dr Pepper since the people who make these products are atheists who refuse to put "Under God" on their cans.

I no longer use Saran wrap in the microwave because it causes cancer.

I no longer check the coin return on pay phones because I could be pricked with a needle infected with AIDS.

I no longer use cancer-causing deodorants even though I smell like a water buffalo on a hot day.

I no longer go to shopping malls because someone will drug me with a perfume sample and rob me.

I no longer receive packages from UPS or FedEx since they are actually Al Qaeda in disguise.

I no longer shop at Target since they are French and don't support our troops.

I no longer answer the phone because someone will ask me to dial a stupid number for which I will get the phone bill from hell with calls to Jamaica, Uganda, Singapore, and Uzbekistan.

I no longer eat prepackaged foods because the estrogens they contain will turn me gay.

I no longer eat KFC because their chickens are actually horrible mutant freaks with no eyes or feathers.

I no longer go to bars because someone will drug me and take my kidneys and leave me taking a nap in a bathtub full of ice.

Thanks to you, I have learned that God only answers my prayers if I forward an email to 7 of my friends and make a wish within 5 minutes.

I no longer have any savings because I gave it to a sick girl who has been dying for the past seven years.

I no longer have any money at all, but that will change once I receive the $15,000 that Microsoft and AOL are sending me for participating in their special e-mail program.

I will now return the favor:

If you don't send this e-mail to at least 1200 people in the next 60 seconds, a large bird with diarrhea will fly over your head at 5:00 pm and the fleas of a thousand camels will infest your rmpits. I know this will occur because it actually happened to a friend of a friend of a friend's
neighbor's cousin, and he's a lawyer.

HA!
 

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Login to find out (June 29, 2005 at 12:41pm)
I didn't read it...I'm real good at following directions and stuff
 
Login to find out (June 23, 2005 at 11:19pm)
just imagine how the flies will love the HORRIFIC odor of a cow's rear in a bottle! Excuse me while I catch up with my skin! :O
 
Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 3:30pm)
cows butt to be exact
 
Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 12:56am)
(hehe... i kid. hope i didn't offend any drakkar noir fans out there. it doesn't smell like water buffalo. more like cow.)
 
Login to find out (June 22, 2005 at 12:55am)
haven't they captured the scent of water buffalo in a cologne? drakkar noir, right?
 
Login to find out (June 21, 2005 at 10:22pm)
sweet!!! i'm there!!! I hope all we eat is garlic, spicey curry, and other things that seem to never leave your breath
 
Login to find out (June 21, 2005 at 10:01pm)
Awwww....Naj, of course we do! I was just kidding! Here, just to prove it, I won't bathe for a week and we can hang out at all the formerly busy restaurants! BYONC (bring your own nose clip!)
 
Login to find out (June 21, 2005 at 9:46pm)
but... but... i thought people loved my eau de buffalo d'eau
 
Login to find out (June 21, 2005 at 8:47pm)
when we do our international tour (remember that crazy dork-spreading campaign we were going to put together?), you are going to get fitted with a bioharzard suit that seals from the outside ;P just kidding Naj. We'll probably have one of those super airbus jets with showers and laundromats on-board, so you won't smell that way for long!!!...or we'll dangle you from the rear window until you air out the water buffaloness! HA!
 
Login to find out (June 21, 2005 at 8:11pm)
I love smelling like a water buffalo