WHY IT AIN EASY RESPECTING GIRLS

Village Journals

Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.

WHY IT AIN EASY RESPECTING GIRLS

Oooo ... I know I?m gonna get a beating for this. But that?s ok, cuz our community needs to understand the points here. This is for all those girls who want ?an awesome guy.? In other words, this is for most girls. Remember, I?m ONLY trying to help. You can take it or leave it ? your choice.

One thing I?ve never understood is why almost all desi girls want guys who are better than them at just about everything. Guy?s gotta be financially better, more educated (at leeeeast as educated), physically stronger and bigger, someone with lotsa drive even if the girl herself doesn?t have much (aka ?he?s going somewhere?), etc etc etc. When the girl wants these things without being able to offer them herself, the guy KNOWS that he?s got the goods that the girl wants and doesn?t have.

Now what?s the incentive for the guy to view the girl as an equal? In anything? At first, everything will be lovy dovy. But as time goes on, it?s almost inevitable that the guy will see the girl as less important, and less respect-worthy. After all, she doesn't bring to the table what he brings. She is NOT his equal in so many ways.

Perhaps this is why so many girls want to ?look better? than the guy: it?s the only thing they?ve got goin on when the guy has more to offer in all other respects. They think that looks will make them important in the guy?s eyes. Sorry to break it, but ? umm ? Wrong! First of all, looking good will make the girl good to LOOK AT, not IMPORTANT in the guy?s life. But being looked at may well be a defining aspect of moooost girls? self-worth: ?YES!!! he looks at me and wants my looks.? lol, Sad indeed. Second, even IF the guy sees the girl as important cuz of her looks, the looks will fade pretty quickly or the guy will simply get used to her looks. And then the guy will say, ?what good is she??

Funniest thing is that these girls don?t even know that a life of lower respect is about to hit them, a life in which they will almost necessarily feel insignificant. But they get what they ask for: when you ask for ?heads? on a coin, the ?tail? is attached to it. Can?t have one without the other. Girls who want guys better than them at most things will inevitably get guys who won?t respect them as much down the line. Perhaps this is a reason why most women complain of not being respected. Sad irony.

As in most things, it?s about choice. The problem is that most of us are too blinded to see the long-term consequences of our choices and desires. I'm not trying to be harsh; just trying to be real. Your choice: understand the consequences of what you want, or overlook these oints and join a race that you will inevitably lose.

*Note 1: I'm using the word "better" cuz anyone who wants a guy with more degrees, money, etc necessarily thinks these things are "better"; otherwise, why prefer them?

*Note 2: Many guys want a girl who's "not as good" as they are; but this preference is not explicit like girls' preferences. It's easier to change something that's out in the open than something hidden.

Add Comments

Add

Comments on this journal

momo.....i think the whole idea of 'loosing respect' for someone CAN go either way. Mostly it was girls who used to loose respect in the eyes of their husbands, just like you said, because they didn't have as much to offer. But now, that women CAN infact offer those things and MORE....its the guys who seem to be falling more and more short. In the end....I think that deen is most important, and if thats there, then all other things shouldn't matter (even earning bread and butter for the family, lol), inshallah.... I'm feeling like such a dork now for what I said about earning for the family...I guess its how I feel, but than again, i guess if I did have to be the main earner for the family, I will get more reward, and then a better place in jannah....inshallah. hmm, now that sounds like a plan ;)

Wow! Hmm, momo, you have definitely given alot of girls something to think about:) I don't have the time right now to go back and read all the comments. I think that most girls DO want a guy who is better than them in most ways, but I don't think that applies to all girls. I don't think I have ever looked for ANYthing in a guy that I don't believe I can offer myself. The things I'm looking for in a guy, are qualities/skills/characteristics that I admire in a person, and that I work hard to develop in myself. Does it mean that the guy has to be 'better' than me in all aspects, Not at all.....except one thing. I would 'like' to find someone who actually earns just as much or more than me. The reason is that Islamically, any money that I earn is mine, and I don't have to spend it towards, buying a house, food etc...if I don't want to, and my husband cannot question it. Now, if my husband is earining alot less then me, than obviosly I too will have to pay towards mortgage etc... also. I know this might sound superficial of me, but I truly believe Allah has given women the right to keep their earnings for themself for a reason...and for all the things that we women have to go through, that men, don't, I think we totally deserve that right. If men have the mentality that they are all THAT, anyways....then I say they earn the bread and butter for the family, and prove THEIR worthiness. One of my friends married a wonderful muslim brother (very pious and religious) but he is taking 7 years to complete a 4 year bachelors degree, and has a part-time job which doesn't pay too well. My friend on the other hand finished her degree and is earning alot Mashallah. They have their own apartment, for which she is mostly paying the bills, she is now pregnant so that is more she needs to save for, she also does all the cooking because when he tries he just burns everything, she also does most of the organizing and cleaning because he isn't very good at it. Anyways.....I'm not sure what my friend herself feels about her husband because she never says anthing about how she feels, but all her friends who were initially so happy for her when she got engaged to the guy, are all starting to say now that she could have done so much better than him. He has totally lost all respect in the eyes of her friends, and I'm sure that he has lost a bit of respect in his wifes eyes also.

HOWEVER, it must be kept in mind that alot of these standards we create for our significant other have to do w/ nature and genetic programming. Women are the child-bearers and are therefore more likely to take time off from work. Hence, their desire to have a man who makes more money. Also, women encounter many limitations w/ respect to their ability to perform simply on the account of hormonal fluctuations. YES, PMS!!! For every 3 weeks, a woman spends 1 week battling hormone-induced mood swings. Hormones aside, women are more emotional...or at least visibly emotional, which can affect critical decision-making in the work place thereby slowing their climb up the professional ladder. Men in the work place are also more likely to look at a woman sexually, than vice-versa, which can limit the professional impact she has on her male colleagues, thereby causing her to be taken less seriously. These are ALL reasons, why a woman consciously or subconsciously fears the pressure of being the bread-winner of her family. Men need to understand that we are still pioneers in the realm of male-female equality.

well said momo! i think this latching onto a fantasy where the man is the protector, the provider, and the more intellectually competent one (which is what wanting a guy w/ more degrees signifies to many girls and their parents) is an anti-Feminist vision!!! we as women forget that we are capable of being all of the above as well. should a guy w/ less credentials or accomplishments come along, we shouldn't eliminate them from our candidate pools IF they are willing to cook and clean to make up for their comparatively meager contributions to the household income.

just group hug and call it a day.

*agrees with noaman* dude the way your name is spelled, it sounds like "NO PEACE" in urdu :)

*blinks her eyes, wiggles her nose* SHAAAZZZAAAM *all of naseeb turns into a bunch of dildoes*

hi, sorry, i can't read this novel. but i just wanted to say that you guys are mentally ill. in case you wanted to know

Thanks for the explanation bro. It's all kool fo sho. And my fault for that joke. I'm just used to messing around with my closer friends like that, and especially with my cousins. I've found over time that these kinda jokes and innocent swearing usually break down boundaries. I say these things affectionately. But I shoulda realized that everyone isn't gonna see it as that. Also, I do know what you're saying about jokes, that they almost always carry real content. But with me, personally, that's not the case. I'm very conscious about never joking around with stuff that's even remotely content-based. That's why I don't joke around about lotsa things that many others on this site joke around about (cuz I see them as having negative implications); and I get called out sometimes for not partaking in "light-hearted conversation." The only things I joke around about are the ones that are completely off the chain to me. So I guess there's been lotsa miscommunication between us ... and much of it probably has to do with limitations of an electronic forum. That's all for now. I'll write more later inshallah.

Hey Momo. Ur May 10th comment is the one in which u joke along with Noaman, and jokingly tell me not be cheating on u, right?. I guess I don't talk like that with friends, nor do many of my friends. My comment about Allah punishing all who joke about such stuff was my light-hearted response to how u guys are joking around (definitely though I was mocking people who invoke Allah like that). Only after I spoke to Miral about things did I realize a lot of what was going on at that point was playful flirting. It was hard for me to take playful flirting from guys as genuine, perhaps cause of guys I've known in the past, who were Muslim, and were very much homophobes. I wasn't trying to make the case you are also like that, but the tone of what you and Noaman said had a hint of male chauvinism, cause you were "fighting" for me. The ladies I felt were also joking around by playfully flirting but their tone was different (the joking was more about being into someone and less about being the possession of someone). This chauvinism I feel is not good. All this is complicated by the fact it is hard to discern what is true in a joke. I am definitely aware that places where I am trying to be humorous, I am also trying to get at something that is serious. I hope I've explained myself a bit. Momo, I have heard good things about u. People seem to really like u. That's great and I'm sure ur a nice guy. Actually, I do think ur a nice guy, but u say things that i feel i need to respond to cause in my head they set off flags that this dude has got some weird ideas on stuff, like desi girls not respecting themselves. Talking thru this with u is hard when we are confined to a entry on a naseeb village. I'm not sold to my male chauvinism theory as underlying what made me feel weird about ur comments, so do respond if u want to. Perhaps I'm just uncomfortable with seemingly heterosexual men playfully flirting with me (which is what u guys seemed to have been doing, correct me if i'm wrong).

In general, respect is earned, not given. A level of decency, however, is given, but not maintained for those who don't respond with decency. This is not necessarily aimed towards anyone here, but just a general statement of how things do and should operate. This is certainly how I operate.

lol. Don't worry ... yall didn't miss much, if anything. How bou this ... Tahiro, my May 10th comment was an attempt to extend for a handshake (and I've overtly tried to extend on one other instance). I play around like that with every single one of my male friends and cousins. Most guys talk like that with one another in playful humor. Sorry if I wasn't clear enough with that. In any event, my extension was unreturned each time. Then I saw that comment of yours and was like "wat the heck????" I'm just clarifying my understanding to you, so perhaps you can avoid this situation with others.

nd, im with you..

i'm with miral. with the snap of her fingers mc could turn me, or anyone else for that matter, into a sex object. can u imagine? my friends couldn't say "ur such a dildo" to me without avoiding its very literal meaning.

I mean ... folks folks folks. R-E-S-P-E-C-T. and try not to turn each other into sex objects :).

Taugi, I guess I'm taken. And I'm spoken for. And I'm judgmental.

Can we start stamping our comments for future citation? Like, here goes. Blah blah blah. Allah blah blah. Girls blah blah blah. Homophobes blah blah. Penis blah blah. Exams blah blah. Slacking blah blah. tahiro#56

I hope so, Taugi. Yeah, that comment was just way out there to be serious, but the context of all the other comments by mr. tahiro made that comment sound as if it may perhaps be a serious one. I guess I now have an "expect-anything" policy with tahiro. But I left it open to it being a joke. Either way, Tahiro, the suggestion/advice in the second post is definitely relevant ... I'm saying it in reference to everything that went down here, not the last comment.

*passes around chill pills* tahiro wont be commenting just yet. he has to pretend he is working. his third week at work, and he is already coming in late. his a$$ is ssoooooo going to get kicked.

momo, i think he was kidding. no?

Village Journals Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.

WHY IT AIN EASY RESPECTING GIRLS

Add Comments

Comments on this journal

Village Journals

Resonate your identity with Naseeb journals. Express your opinions, share your thoughts, post your writings and connect with like minded people through the power of expression.