I would totally adopt.

Yes, the process is very long and difficult. But a lot of people support it because it ensures that you really, really want that kid. I believe you can start the process before you identify a specific adoptee, so people can still get an adopted child to the US while he/she is still a toddler.

my friend was saying that you have to wait around five years to adopt a baby from China anfd that it's the most popular place to adopt from.

Wow, I get swamped with work for two days and miss out on this amazing discussion.

My experience is that (Arab) Muslims are no more or less accepting of adoption than other cultures. The one criticism I heard a couple of times is of a Muslim parent(s) adopting a non-Muslim child. The criticism was that there are plenty of Muslim orphans and that they would therefore be more "deserving" of the adoption. While I can understand the desire to first benefit one's "original community" first, I don't think one infant or very young child is any more deserving than another, and anyone who is willing to adopt a needy child should get all the support their community can muster.

Personally, I think it would be difficult for me to adopt, as I have a desperate need to see "little masrys" running around. :) But if for whatever reason I'm unable/unsuccessful at having biological children, I would have no problem whatsoever with adopting some.

As for the religious rules governing adoption, it seems that they're most pertinent to the case of an orphan whose biological family is known (or even still around), and/or has left him/her money. In that case, it's important for the adoptive family to keep in mind that they're simply caretaker's of this most sacred gift that has been entrusted to them. But in today's world, where most orphans are thrown in orphanages that never have enough resources to care for them, and many orphans end up on the streets, as prostitutes, criminals, or beggars, it seems to me that "saving" them through adoption as early on as possible, and treating them as if they were one's own children, including giving them the name, etc... would be the most humane thing to do. Just my two cents...

BTW, I know several white americans who've adopted chinese babies from orphanages, and a few who've adopted Romanians. There's currently a huge boom in adopting Chinese babies in the US, and a massive new subculture being created of Chinese adoptees and their white parents, with many support groups and resources available to them. They will be a significant minority in the coming generations.

Good point taugi. The fact remains that there are more than 15 million orphans in Africa because of AIDS. And although there are strong extended kinship networks in most Muslim societies, there are still many children who do not have extended family who will take over the responsibility of raising another child. And here is where poverty and gender bias play a part: poor women are less likely to have family members with the financial ability to provide for another child. For instance, too many extremely poor families in developing nations have even enough money to feed their own children on a daily basis. And women who have children out of wedlock are under extreme social pressure to put children up for adoption.

As for same-race adoption, i think it is fine to adfopt children of a different race, but my experience and knowledge here is limited. it just seems like there is a double standard. there are many east asian children with white adoptive parents, but i have never seen any other type of different-race adoption. i guess i feel that good parents are good parents. even though a child adopted to different-race parents would have to answer many questions and might feel a lack of 'belonging'.

And what about the kids who are abused by their extended families or sold into child labor/child prostitution. Who is to say that their extended families will take better care of them or would be expected too.

wa ya kalahsya

iguat

which isnt necessarily the case in say, sub-saharan africa, where the children of aids victims are ostracised for one, and secondly, the extended families can barely take care of themselves, much less the extended children who are now without parents. so while extended families may technically exist, proper care is still non-existent.

following taken from:
islam.about.com


Adopting a Child in Islam

Islamic legal rulings about foster parenting and adoption

The Prophet Muhammad (peace be upon him) once said that a person who cares for an orphaned child will be in Paradise with him, and motioned to show that they would be as close as two fingers of a single hand. An orphan himself, Muhammad paid special attention to the care of children. He himself adopted a former slave and raised him with the same care as if he were his own son.

However, the Qur'an gives specific rules about the legal relationship between a child and his/her adoptive family. The child's biological family is never hidden; their ties to the child are never severed. The Qur'an specifically reminds adoptive parents that they are not the child's biological parents:

"...Nor has He made your adopted sons your (biological) sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way. Call them by (the names of) their fathers; that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if you know not their father's (names, call them) your brothers in faith, or your trustees. But there is no blame on you if you make a mistake therein. (What counts is) the intention of your hearts. And Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful."

(Qur'an 33:4-5)

The guardian/child relationship has specific rules under Islamic law, which render the relationship a bit different than what is common adoption practice today. The Islamic term for what is commonly called adoption is kafala, which comes from a word that means "to feed." In essence, it describes more of a foster-parent relationship. Some of the rules in Islam surrounding this relationship:

An adopted child retains his or her own biological family name (surname) and does not change his or her name to match that of the adoptive family.
An adopted child inherits from his or her biological parents, not automatically from the adoptive parents.
When the child is grown, members of the adoptive family are not considered blood relatives, and are therefore not muhrim to him or her. "Muhrim" refers to a specific legal relationship that regulates marriage and other aspects of life. Essentially, members of the adoptive family would be permissible as possible marriage partners, and rules of modesty exist between the grown child and adoptive family members of the opposite sex.
If the child is provided with property/wealth from the biological family, adoptive parents are commanded to take care and not intermingle that property/wealth with their own. They serve merely as trustees.
These Islamic rules emphasize to the adoptive family that they are not taking the place of the biological family -- they are trustees and caretakers of someone else's child. Their role is very clearly defined, but nevertheless very valued and important.

It is also important to note that in Islam, the extended family network is vast and very strong. It is rare for a child to be completely orphaned, without a single family member to care for him or her. Islam places a great emphasis on the ties of kinship -- a completely abandoned child is practically unheard of. Islamic law would place an emphasis on locating a relative to care for the child, before allowing someone outside of the family, much less the community or country, to adopt and remove the child from his or her familial, cultural, and religious roots. This is especially important during times of war, famine, or economic crisis -- when families may be temporarily uprooted or divided.

"Did He not find you an orphan and give you shelter? And He found you wandering, and He gave you guidance. And He found you in need, and made you independent. Therefore, treat not the orphan with harshness, nor drive away a petitioner (unheard). But the bounty of the Lord - rehearse and proclaim!"

(Qur'an 93:6-11)

And since I'm already a mother, I know what its like raising a child, and that being single. I know its the most difficult job in the world but its something I've wanted to do for a long time and now I want to do it even more. I am also practical enough to know that it would be difficult to raise an infant by myself so I would probably adopt an older girl, perhaps one already in school, at least 1st grade. This way, I won't have to worry about daycare as much. I would still have to worry about childcare but not on a regular basis. This is the primary reason that I won't adopt immediately, bc I am aware of the financial responsibility that comes with this and I want to be sure that I am financially more stable before I take that step. Insha'allah, one day!

nb. i am not supporting the entire idea, but i can see the arguments for same-'race' adoptions..

Well as noble as adopting is, its a very difficult thing to follow through and maintain. Alot of times, the adopted kid also feels "different". For this reason, I think it would help to adopt from the same race as yourself if possible, in order to keep some of harmony. This way, the kid won't look so out of place and others won't be so tempted to ask some dumb questions which could make the kid feel different.
I have an Indian friend who, along with her brother and sister, were adopted by an American family, who also adopted 2 other children from India (Yes a total of 5 kids). I know she was having a difficult time balancing both cultures but she ended up marrying an Indian guy and was able to preserve her Indian heritage.
Maybe to some it wouldn't matter, but I think it just makes it a little easier to adopt from same race,culture, etc.
Plus being a Pakistani Muslim, I feel more of an urge to adopt a Pakistani girl since I know the fate most of those orphan girls would have. If I can help just one of them have a better life, it would make me feel better.

very good questions, hmcq! i will go to the third point and briefly.

i have two friends who got married less than 1 year ago. as we left the 'church' the first thing i remember hearing from them was that they wanted to adopt. the very first thing. it was amazing since now they can have 'their own'. they are from two different ethnic groups but they wanted to adopt from one particular one; the wifes. normally, i would mumble 'you dont have to adopt a child who looks just like you, eediot' in jest, but their reasoning was significant. the wifes ethnic group is severely improverished and there happen to be soo many orphans, even right in the main city. so from this, i saw the 'logic'.

if our intentions are pure, that is, to care for (however that is done whether through adoption or financial support) the child who has no one and has the least, i suppose selecting one from a particular 'race' would be non-issue. there is a saying, when you help, help those at home first. well this is her home and these children need our help most, from this particular area.

as far as culture,religion.. more later.

Thanks for your posting, taugi. good information.

JZ: i would have to disagree with you that people who consider themselves socially liberal think it's hip to adopt but are unlikely to actually follow through. while i see why you might feel this way (we do not see many "socially liberal people" adopting children left and right). also, people in general are unlikely to say they do not favor adoption. however, i think there IS more of a trend to adopt than there ever was. a number of people i know are interested in adopting in the future, and they are not only idealistic liberal hippie-types. what i reallly wnted to say was that it seems that there is greater aversion towards adopting in the Muslim community. when i have mentioned it to people, even in my family, i am discouraged or i get puzzled looks. and, like you said, adopting is serious just like having children is serious, i think most people who make the decision and follow through with it are aware od the issues and challenges they will likely confront.
i also think that the cost of adoption anf the process of waiting, sometimes for years, to adopt a child from overseas, makes it more diificult for people to follow through with adoption. i really think that ultimately, it comes down to individual or parental choices and has less to do with being a socially liberal person who wants to be hip.

i do think adoption is a personal choice however, and i would never advocate for making it obligatory and i dont think that those who choose not to take in another persons child into their homes should be ridiculed.

it is not for everyone just as parenthood is not for everyone. those who cant 'come to terms' with taking in another child in their home could perhaps help orphans in other ways by sponsoring a child, donating money to be used for the upbringing of the child, etc.

on the same note, those who want to adopt should not be receiving disapproval either. if one is able and willing to take in a child, MORE POWER TO YA! may s/he receive ajr and the pleasure of Allah.

oh, here is my source: www.usc.edu

yeah, so, i think adoption is a good thing for those who want to partake. but i think the reason a lot of muslims frown upon it is because they misinterpret the verses on 'adoption'.

here are two:
"033.004 YUSUFALI: Allah has not made for any man two hearts in his (one) body: nor has He made your wives whom ye divorce by Zihar your mothers: nor has He made your adopted sons your sons. Such is (only) your (manner of) speech by your mouths. But Allah tells (you) the Truth, and He shows the (right) Way.

033.005
YUSUFALI: Call them by (the names of) their fathers: that is juster in the sight of Allah. But if ye know not their father's (names, call them) your Brothers in faith, or your maulas. But there is no blame on you if ye make a mistake therein: (what counts is) the intention of your hearts: and Allah is Oft-Returning, Most Merciful"

yes, if you adopt a child, that child is not your 'own' in the sense that s/he doesnt have half of your chromosomes, should not take your last name as her own, is not mahram if you are a woman, and basically doesnt have the same rights to your remaining inheritance as would your 'own offspring'. but that doesnt mean that Allah doesnt want us to care for and take of children who dont have family to care for them.

so, yes, you can take in a child, raise and nurture that child and YES! you can bequeath as you want to that child. for those who are particularly interested in following all of islam, yes, technically when the child is of age, the mother should not be with out 'hijab' (covering) in the presence of the child and should always be in the company of mahram when with the adopted boy.

but yeah, some of those who oppose adoption may also not observe the mahram rules.

good post, nadiabanana.. ill be here in a bit to contribute

JZ and Naush: I can do either...just lemme know whatever kinda help you kids need....